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May 3, 2020 at 9:59 am #352762NathalieParticipant
I don’t know if this at all describes anyone’s issues but this happened to me 3 years ago with my boyfriend.
When we met, we instantly clicked. He checked all the boxes on my “list of a perfect partner”: devastatingly handsome, kind, fun, open-hearted, generous etc. He constantly challenged me, pushed me and made me grow – it was hard, but great.
We were together for 1.5 years, a mostly wonderful time. He did have some problematic traits which started appearing throughout the relationship, and we argued from time to time, but not often and never seriously.
One day, I woke up, went outside with a cup of coffee, watched the sun rise, and suddenly, it hit me like a bullet: I didn’t want to be with him anymore.
I couldn’t deal with the feelings. It was painful, frustrating, scary – everything everyone has described. Everything hurt.
I will fast forward the weeks of turmoil, of seeing him, of unhappiness turning into disgust, anger and irritation at myself and at my partner
On week 5, it happened. I was at a party, met a guy who was going through something similar, had a long, deep conversation with him and – cheated.
I was broken. I told my boyfriend the next morning crying my heart out. He was so hurt. He kept trying to fight for me, although I was certain at that point there was nothing to fight for. I wasn’t worthy of him or of his efforts. The messy way this relationship ended is the thing I will possibly regret most for the rest of my life. I hurt him so much, because I was a coward. I hated myself and my self-destruction.
Less than a month after this occurrence, I met someone. How unfair is the world? I ruin a relationship and hurt someone, then meet someone new. But this guy was different. He wasn’t like anyone I had ever dated. He wasn’t pretentious. He was fun. He was honest. He was real.
In the past 3 years, I have gone from being a broken mess to becoming whole. I have spent every day with this other guy since the day I met him. It took me 4 months to call him my boyfriend because I felt so guilty about my ex.
I have felt guilty for a long time. I wish I hadn’t hurt my ex so much. But after being loved by my boyfriend, I can finally say that what I had with my ex wasn’t as good as it seemed.
I think, in the end, that you can fall out of love for various reasons. Maybe it is a phase with your soulmate, maybe it is a sign from the universe to end things. Wait and see, and be kind to yourself. Don’t rush anything. Life will go on, no matter what. But please don’t listen to other people, just listen to yourself and your heart. And don’t stay with someone if it doesn’t make you happy. It will turn out alright.