Hello Jana,

Thank you for your reply. I’m glad to read your perspective on that. I agree with you and Anita 💯 but internally it feels so hard to let go.

You can read my message above and an update from this man. His health issues make me hesitate to end it right away. I just don’t have it in me to say goodbye after reading his new messages.

You said it right, my energy goes in the wrong direction and I need another man to be happy 🙏

I just feel horrible to do it right now…

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your kind words of appreciation and making me feel so welcome 😊

I did not send you my original, short message as I wanted to add a little update.

He keeps writing about the project and I’m trying to avoid asking him too much. But he keeps pushing. He wants to convince me that it is not just a dream. He told me that if I promise not to share his business plan with anyone else, he will send it to me. I said ‘ok, if you trust me, send it to me and I won’t share the sensitive details’.

But once I said ok, he said that he will show it to me on his tablet (instead of sending) as there are some numbers and salaries included. So he wants future with me but hides information? Why did he ask me in the first place? 😆

He said that it is better to meet one of the people he is working with to make me believe him more.

You were right again, seems like it all goes in circles…

Now, he really wants to meet me and show me the plan. I think out of courtesy, I could meet one time and if he tries making any future plans again or romantic gestures, I could simply say that after his disappearance last week, I feel that I need some time…and that we could continue but only on a friendly note?

Is that a good idea Anita? Would you say something else instead?

To be honest, I’m trying to distance myself as much as I can but somehow he doesn’t let me. He just doesn’t give up easily…now the relief of unblocking me turns into a frustration…

I don’t know how to establish the emotional distance anymore…

What would you suggest Anita?

I hope you are well & could find some time to rest more.

Have a good weekend!
Warm hugs and talk to you soon 🫂🤗

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for both of your messages. You adressed everything in such a compassionate and loving way that it really touched me so deep ❤️

I really don’t know where I would be if not you taking care of me. It felt like you were holding my hand while I was going through the storm of emotions. So my thank you is just a very little I can do for you now 🤗

I still need to navigate the life at home so that another bad brake down doesn’t lead me to the dark path again…

I know now that you’re here so it should be different this time…

I’ll also try to apply all the advice you gave me regarding the self care and boundaries. I really struggle to do that at the moment. But now I know that someone in this world cares about me and that I can give this life another chance 🙂

And I’ll keep my eyes open regarding the spider 🕷 probably once he realises that nothing is the same anymore and that he can’t treat me like that again…he’ll give up & try to catch another fly 🪰

Thank you for being with me on this journey Anita
💕
And I hope that we both find inner peace and happiness despite missing out on being loved and appreciated in the past ✨️

Big big hug 🤗 to you and once again thank you for all you’ve done for me! ❤️

Have a good evening and take a good care of yourself!

Dear Anita,

Thank you for saying that again and believing in me 💖 I’m an old soul, maybe too old school for this modern world. Maybe the values we hold are invisible or not appreciated anymore by many men or people in general.

Maybe that was another reason why this man got my attention. He seemed to want the same life as me, presenting similar values. But now you’re helping me to see that it all might be just a spider web 🕷🕸

For me you are a beautiful soul too with lots of love, understanding and compassion.

Enjoy your evening Anita
Talk to you tomorrow 🙏

Dear Anita,

Thank you for your fast reply! I understand completely and please don’t force yourself to reply tonight. The rest can wait till tomorrow and he was so merciless leaving me without any word for those past days…he can wait too…

So I won’t say anything right and reply tomorrow as I might say the wrong thing to him…

Have a peaceful evening 💕

Talk to you tomorrow Anita 🤗

Thank you Anita! I’m waiting for your message 😊

Dear Anita,

Thank you for always lifting me up! Your encouragement keeps me going 💖🤗

The explanation you provided is brilliant. I can understand myself and my reactions more clearly now. You helped me to recognise those unhealthy patterns and hopefully avoid them in my future decisions.

Some men are so good at playing their game and it is not always easy to recognise the spider. This man was quite difficult to see through and recognise his true intentions but you did a fantastic job at peeling the layers of off his fantasy world and taking it for what it is now.

I am trying to convince myself to believe that he is not a spider but I’ll have my sure answer tomorrow.

I’m starting to believe now that if he is a loving person, he would not block me. And normally an old school gentleman I was hoping for, would not do that after questioning him or even after a heated argument.

But let’s see if he has any decency left and shows some compassion after behaving in such a dreadful manner. After reading your wise words, I can understand that there is no excuse for him, even if he felt that he can’t be the man he was hoping to be for me. He would still cherish the friendship we have and not leave me like that.

I’ll keep you posted once I receive a reply from him.

For now I’m gonna wish you a very good day.

I feel that we both can understand each others pain as we both suffered as someone’s daughters. We somehow reconnected on this forum to give eachother the understanding and wings to fly that we never got from our families.

Anita, even if we’re far away, thank you so much for making me feel less lonely 🙏

Take care and talk to you soon xx

Warm greetings 🤗💌🌻

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much! 🤗 that’s a beautiful way to receive some caring words on this day of love. I don’t know if you celebrate it Anita but for me it is a day not just for the people ‘in love’ but also for everyone else who shows those acts of kindness and love towards another human being. And I deeply appreciate that…

I don’t know where I would be today if not for your support and giving me hope for a better tomorrow.

You’re right. I am a lost soul who attracted another lost soul. Some say that it is a matter of vibrations and how you feel about yourself and your life. And sometimes even the kindest, most loving women end up with abusers, addicts and controlers as husbands. And women who do not care or even neglect their husbands, end up with the most kind and understanding souls. I don’t really understand that dynamic Anita…

But I agree with you and somehow I wish (even if with my last strenght) to brake free and find a place for myself where I can feel safe and not to walk on eggshels anymore. I want to try to brake those chains and move on from this dreadful stagnation but don’t really know where to start…

I just want to be able to believe someone when they tell me they care about me and they’ll always be there for me. That men seemed to be dependable and felt like an anchor for a while and then in the most unexpected manner turned to be so insensitive to my concerns.

And you’re right Anita all was fine until we started to question his project and his credibility (in person or by text – probably same results).

Maybe the project really exists but will take a long time and he was afraid that I will leave him knowing that. But still he should be honest about it.

I don’t know if he would accept any therapy or priest but he told me that the only thing that will make him feel better in life was seeing me happy and creating home with me. Empty words?

I forgot to mention to you that this man was consistent in courting me. He contacted me first. He showed that he liked me. He accepted to start with a friendship. He was different to men I knew before, who chased the physical intimacy first or were hot and cold or disappeared completely. They only created a heartache for me as I blamed myself or tried to revive the connection.

Maybe that’s the reason it is so hard for me to let go of that friendship? At the beginning I was very afraid of that new dynamic with him as I was used to meeting people who were not reliable or emotionally unavailable. If I’m being really honest with myself, I got even suspicious of why he was so available and nice to me.

But now once he’s gone I miss that consistency. And I feel that somehow I sabotaged myself…

Feeling loved and safe seems like a dream that is so far away…

I am mourning my childhood almost everyday and weeping for my lack of loving family. I don’t know how to keep living with this reality. It’s incredibly painful for me to have dreams and aspirations in life when I see no hope.

And now he is gone too…

But I will try to send your text over the weekend and see how it goes. Thank you Anita for writing this thoutful suggestion.

If I did not read your text, I would only write: ‘Hi, can we talk? I don’t want things to end this way’ Would that be ok too Anita?

Or maybe first send him the short version and if he replies then your version?

Thank you Anita for being here 💕 I do not want to be a burden for too long. This weekend I wish to find the answers and the peace that they hopefully bring to me 🙏

Have a lovely evening Anita

And lots of hugs to you! 🫂🤗