Thank you Anita! I’m waiting for your message 😊

Dear Anita,

Thank you for always lifting me up! Your encouragement keeps me going 💖🤗

The explanation you provided is brilliant. I can understand myself and my reactions more clearly now. You helped me to recognise those unhealthy patterns and hopefully avoid them in my future decisions.

Some men are so good at playing their game and it is not always easy to recognise the spider. This man was quite difficult to see through and recognise his true intentions but you did a fantastic job at peeling the layers of off his fantasy world and taking it for what it is now.

I am trying to convince myself to believe that he is not a spider but I’ll have my sure answer tomorrow.

I’m starting to believe now that if he is a loving person, he would not block me. And normally an old school gentleman I was hoping for, would not do that after questioning him or even after a heated argument.

But let’s see if he has any decency left and shows some compassion after behaving in such a dreadful manner. After reading your wise words, I can understand that there is no excuse for him, even if he felt that he can’t be the man he was hoping to be for me. He would still cherish the friendship we have and not leave me like that.

I’ll keep you posted once I receive a reply from him.

For now I’m gonna wish you a very good day.

I feel that we both can understand each others pain as we both suffered as someone’s daughters. We somehow reconnected on this forum to give eachother the understanding and wings to fly that we never got from our families.

Anita, even if we’re far away, thank you so much for making me feel less lonely 🙏

Take care and talk to you soon xx

Warm greetings 🤗💌🌻

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much! 🤗 that’s a beautiful way to receive some caring words on this day of love. I don’t know if you celebrate it Anita but for me it is a day not just for the people ‘in love’ but also for everyone else who shows those acts of kindness and love towards another human being. And I deeply appreciate that…

I don’t know where I would be today if not for your support and giving me hope for a better tomorrow.

You’re right. I am a lost soul who attracted another lost soul. Some say that it is a matter of vibrations and how you feel about yourself and your life. And sometimes even the kindest, most loving women end up with abusers, addicts and controlers as husbands. And women who do not care or even neglect their husbands, end up with the most kind and understanding souls. I don’t really understand that dynamic Anita…

But I agree with you and somehow I wish (even if with my last strenght) to brake free and find a place for myself where I can feel safe and not to walk on eggshels anymore. I want to try to brake those chains and move on from this dreadful stagnation but don’t really know where to start…

I just want to be able to believe someone when they tell me they care about me and they’ll always be there for me. That men seemed to be dependable and felt like an anchor for a while and then in the most unexpected manner turned to be so insensitive to my concerns.

And you’re right Anita all was fine until we started to question his project and his credibility (in person or by text – probably same results).

Maybe the project really exists but will take a long time and he was afraid that I will leave him knowing that. But still he should be honest about it.

I don’t know if he would accept any therapy or priest but he told me that the only thing that will make him feel better in life was seeing me happy and creating home with me. Empty words?

I forgot to mention to you that this man was consistent in courting me. He contacted me first. He showed that he liked me. He accepted to start with a friendship. He was different to men I knew before, who chased the physical intimacy first or were hot and cold or disappeared completely. They only created a heartache for me as I blamed myself or tried to revive the connection.

Maybe that’s the reason it is so hard for me to let go of that friendship? At the beginning I was very afraid of that new dynamic with him as I was used to meeting people who were not reliable or emotionally unavailable. If I’m being really honest with myself, I got even suspicious of why he was so available and nice to me.

But now once he’s gone I miss that consistency. And I feel that somehow I sabotaged myself…

Feeling loved and safe seems like a dream that is so far away…

I am mourning my childhood almost everyday and weeping for my lack of loving family. I don’t know how to keep living with this reality. It’s incredibly painful for me to have dreams and aspirations in life when I see no hope.

And now he is gone too…

But I will try to send your text over the weekend and see how it goes. Thank you Anita for writing this thoutful suggestion.

If I did not read your text, I would only write: ‘Hi, can we talk? I don’t want things to end this way’ Would that be ok too Anita?

Or maybe first send him the short version and if he replies then your version?

Thank you Anita for being here 💕 I do not want to be a burden for too long. This weekend I wish to find the answers and the peace that they hopefully bring to me 🙏

Have a lovely evening Anita

And lots of hugs to you! 🫂🤗

Dear Anita,

I am really touched by your message and appreciate it with my whole heart 🙏

Your words of kindness and consolation helped me see a little light in the tunnel. And also to make me feel less guilty about asking him those questions. I think your questions were even more specific and would help me figure out the truth much sooner.

You’re so right that he had no basic business knowledge and pretended to be and do more than he normally did.

If he told me the truth from the start that he is a struggling artist working on a project that might take a long time (but is willing to find another work meanwhile till his project brings profits) then I would understand and support him and maybe even share the costs of bying a home together (but after marriage). But his evasiveness kept me questioning more and more. Isn’t it?

My only regret now is asking him those business questions by text. Maybe talking in person would not lead to such a drastic measures and blocking me Anita? Maybe we could have had a peaceful talk and decided to remain friends?

The hard thing for me is to move on and know how to live peacefully. The spider is gone but why do I feel so hearbroken 💔?

I had no idea that he can show me this strong emotional reaction and just block me (without further discussion and letting me reply to him).

I was thinking a lot today and somehow could not find the peace of mind that I was hoping to feel. I decided to go to the church and encountered a priest who told me that I look troubled and asked if he can help.

I told him of what has happened to me. I told him about you and your support. He was very pleased to know that you help me in this devastating situation.

He also agreed with most things we have said about him before but added some surprising insights. He told me that we need to show compassion towards this lost soul and that probably he was ashamed of his current situation and couldn’t deal with rejection and more questions. He felt lost, helpless and knew that he will lose me sooner or later because there won’t be any results in sight but he was afraid to say so.

The priest suggested that this man might struggle with mental issues, stress and a lot of pressure to perform in order to impress me. And it is a better idea to call him and see if everything is ok. To make sure that there is no more hurt feelings between us. Only then we will achieve the peace of mind. Is that something you would agree with Anita?

I somehow feel that I need to fix it and have a peaceful ending 😕 I feel awafeul right now…I guess like that fly from your poem…

I am afraid that he got a nervous brakedown or planned something bad for himself. He seemed to be depressed. Indeed, he got rejected before and apparently got devastated once and might not manage it another time. I don’t want to be another reason for him to do something silly 😞

What do you think Anita? Shall I give it a try and call him? (unless he blocked me on the phone too). But just to say to him how I felt and that I want a peaceful feelings between us and not anger or bitterness (even if we won’t be together).

Most of the time he treated me well and was always on time and thoughtful. He bought me some little gifts and I always prepared some home cooked treats for him in return. He helped me to escape that dreadful darkness I faced in my household. It somehow felt better and softer to be with him at times. It felt like I have a friend. That platonic connection seemed to be a blessing from Heaven.The only problem was the lack of transparency (or rather his fear that I might not like to see him the way he was – not really ready to get married). He tried to create a picture perfect image of himself so someone would love him.

What should I do Anita? And in case you agree with the priest that it is ok to contact him, what would you say to him without sounding desperate or loosing the dignity?

My heart is saying that the priest might be right on that spiritual attachment thing…

Anita, thank you for your patience, efforts, and guidance in those past days. I’m so grateful you’re a part of my life journey. Thank you for being so committed to supporting me.

It means a lot to me that you take from your time to help me. Thank you so much, and I hope to return the favour someday…

I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon. I hope this will help us to have more answers 🙏

Warm greetings 🤗
Have a good day Anita! 🌸

Dear Anita,

Thank you dear. I appreciate that 💝 take your time and please only reply when you feel less tired.

I’m looking forward to your message Anita

Have a good day! 🌼

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for being so thoughtful and compassionate 💕 I have a really hard time to take a decision and it is true that I do not want to hurt your feelings. But the reason I hesitate is his yesterday’s message. Just when I wanted to send him your message and I actually felt that taking some break might be a good solution. I was very very surprised of what he wrote.

I will come back to his message later on…

I know that you care about my wellbeing and your replies are based on solid life facts.

I follow my emotions too much and this leads to disappointments, hurt and stagnation in my life.

It is incredible how you were able to interpret and summarise his thoughts and behaviour in such a short period of time! I really thank you from all my heart for that and supporting me in every moment. You are an angel for me 🙏

I was rereading your messages and I realised that I overlooked the bit with a poem and also last morning’s message. I would like to tell you how amazing your poem was. And it made me shed some tears…

Back to his message. He wrote that he wants to get engaged to me but would like to do it with a proper ring. He said he needs some time for that but could offer me another symbolic gift.

I did not really know what to write in that moment. I was confused. He was waiting for my reply asking what I think and what would make me happy. I spontaneously said that I only want a traditional proposal and no symbols. And then asked him if he is really ready not only financially but in his mind too. He said that he wants future with me and will work on his stability.

Deep down I feel that I might make the mistake of my life if I accept seeing him or accepting the engagement and never recover from that. I am afraid of what his real intentions might be..

What do you think of all of that Anita? Is that some kind of trap? I don’t think we both expected that to happen and now I need to make a decision before Friday.

What would you suggest to do and say in that situation?

Shall I avoid seeing him on Valentine’s Day and choose another day to discuss more? I thought to tell him in person that maybe it is better to remain friends and get engaged once his situation is more clear and stable. And that I wish to see the promises he made to me…

I always wanted to be a wife and long for a loving home. I also want to escape my current living situation but what if this man is another abuser? We already discussed the lack of transparency and the deception tactics he was using.

Could it be that he is just not lucky in love and professional life and wants to project the best image of him? Or rather manipulate me into engagement so he could have more of control? This got even more complicated now…

Please help Anita 🙏

Dear Anita,

Please don’t worry. I appreciate it & looking forward to hearing from you again.

Have a good evening and please take as much time
as you need to reply.

Thank you for calming my worried mind 🙏

Dear Anita,

Thank you for your reply, even at night. That’s really considerate of you. I’am looking forward to reading your insights soon 😊

And I’m sorry for a long-winded message. I just felt like expressing to you the whole story without being one sided.

Hope to hear from you very soon Anita 🙏
Have a great weekend 🌼