Like an explorer, hopping off her ship every so often and feeling the sand between her toes. Then, onward, the horizon calls. The passion there sounds like exploring, and the opposed force is the feeling you “should be completing something”.

Nothing the matter with art that is more a collage than a portrait, if the pieces are loving! 🙂

With warmth,
Matt

SC,

Consider stop trying to watch your thoughts, and switch to feeling the breath. Its a little like body tug of war. Part feels the breath, part pulls attention into the thoughts. Just don’t worry about the thoughts part, and move your attention back to the feeling of the breath. The mind jumps “oh, what color for the foyer” and acts like its really important to think that right then. Its not, just a ripple in the mind, back to the breath.

Sometimes when we run and run, we forget to feel the sand between our toes… and then wonder where all our peace and connection to the earth has gone. Its like the mind runs so much that it clouds our senses… so busy thinking about the next thing, that we don’t hear the birds chirping, don’t see the sun shining, don’t feel the blood pumping. The tastelessness or “slipping away” feeling is a result. How much beauty and wonder goes unseen while you plot and plan and do?

One of my friends said to her teacher “yes, yes, I’m aiming at just being. But how do I DO ‘being’?” He looked at her and started laughing.

With warmth,
Matt

Aunjaney,

Many of us feel afraid when trying new things, including myself. This is where we build our courage, however. Consider: when we try something new, we’re going to bumble and stumble as we figure out what’s going on. This happens. It sounds like you jump into other people’s heads and judge yourself from their eyes. In general, people are far too involved in their own life to pay much mind to others. Said differently, you’re not that interesting, so when you try and fail (which we all do, over and over until we learn to find our feet) people might laugh, then get bored and go back to their daily do. And there you will be, a little closer to your dream of being courageous.

From a different direction, consider that when you go to sleep at night, whether you did what you were afraid of or did not do what you were afraid of will not change that you’ll wake up the next morning. Another day, so make it a good one. You don’t have all that many to waste!

With warmth,
Matt

Claire,

I’m sorry for your struggles, and agree with a lot of the intent from moon and inky. Your words sound like you’re playing a victim role… such as “so much need to text” and “oh, he’s too stressed to approach right now” and so forth. You know what you want, a healthy relationship. No one will give that to you, its something you have to shape for yourself. Wait on him to poop or get off the pot? Are you crazy?

Consider that he sounds like he has some self esteem issues. He has a fiancé and a girlfriend, and is all wishy washy about it and what he wants. He feels obligated to multiple women, feels feelings for multiple women, all mushed up and squished inside him. Is he worth that mess? The money isn’t going to solve his issues, that’s only a pressure that’s bringing out his patterns, getting them nice and contrasted. He could grow from what’s he learned, but its like a portal that will only work if he takes the step. Otherwise, the money will leak away in his ambiguity and nebulous esteem BS, and the same stresses will come back in different ways.

Clearly, the fiancé thing really disturbs you, but why do you let it? Its in your hands, dear sister, you can tell him to get that ring back from her. Or, you can suck it up and grieve the relationship that could have been, and move on. You’re a go getter, a champion, but have forgotten how precious a jewel you and your tender heart really are. Otherwise you would have moved your hand away from his long ago until he moved his hand away from her. Or, if you’re into the polyamory thing, then you’d be looking for a way of letting go of the selfishness around wanting all his affection.

Short of that, your fear stops you from saying what you need to say. Ya know? It reminds me of the Bob Dylan lyrics “takes a woman like you, to get through to the man in me”. Be gentle, but don’t be a pushover… your heart deserves better care than that.

With warmth,
Matt

Inky,

Yes, zen style, pardon me. Its not your resume that makes you a good person, inky, you just are. Like an angel doesn’t need to prove her wings to share light, only to flap them and the light shines on its own.

The question “what does the universe want with me” is erroneous. Consider that the universe isn’t controlling you, doesn’t try to… rather,its responding to you. If winter is icky, too much self in the spring. Not “selfishness”, and especially not “inky is selfish”, rather “self considering”… fears usually, attachments to how it “should” look, elbowing your way in for their own good. That kind of thing. No judgment from outside, only dissonance inside.

Such a resonant caretaker needn’t fear! The heart grows wise over time, helping us wake up. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt

Patricia,

I’m sorry for your losses, and hope your grief passes with time. To me, it seems the feelings are all twisted up, the mind all twisted with different views. Very normal for grief, usual, disorienting. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

First, its very normal to feel like “something is amiss”. Part of the tranquility you built involved companions. They were there during practice, during walks, part of the safety of “home”. So, its OK to feel a part missing, it is. This also makes it fertile though. Because you carried them with you into a mindful space, your grief very noticeably collapses that space. But that’s all it is, grief, and over time will settle back into love. Now, a feeling of “something missing”, but as it heals, “wonderful memories”.

Next, consider that dumbo flew without his magic feather. You don’t need the dogs to be mindful, mindfulness is all within. Don’t be afraid that just because they are gone, you’ll lose all the beautiful practice and effort. They were just a magic feather, in that regard, and your wings have always worked without them. The pulling is part of that grief, the fear that you can’t, the fear that you won’t. Just part of the loss, and with time, you’ll see you never needed them, it was just beautiful to share that space with companions.

Finally, be patient with yourself, trust yourself. You’re going through a process, and will emerge with radiance on the other side of it. Don’t let the minor or major disorientations that spring forward during grieving cause you to question deep aspects of yourself. Just breathe, make space, let it flow in and out. The wisdom grows naturally, easily when we let it. We don’t have to relentlessly seek it. That’s just pain, making us agitated. Breathe in those moments, they’ll pass.

With warmth,
Matt

Doctor Mojo,

I’m sorry for your grief, dear friend, and happy you find some comfort from the TB community. When we’re scared we’re unlovable, broken, other people’s rejection is painful indeed. Almost like a conceptual allergy. Her rejection smacked you in the esteem, and next thing you know you go into shock. Ouch!

The problem I’m sensing is that your mind is using her words as proof that you suck, are destined for isolation, are this, are that. Perhaps those kisses you shared similarly were proof for you of an upswing? Both false, both sides no, negative, not yours.

Consider that you don’t want someone to just kiss, you wish for someone to build something with. She is saying “not me, sorry”, because she wants to wine and dine her way. Good for her, perhaps, but that’s not where you’re aiming. I like your aim, and trust it.

Consider a different approach. Even if the lips are soft and the hips curvy, don’t let women define you. It doesn’t help them,doesn’t help you, and they’re not accurate. Sometimes they can give you hints at things you don’t see, but letting their words overwhelm your own good senses leaves you vulnerable to an inordinate amount of pain.

For instance, you’re not too focused on business,your words clearly describe a man that is using it like a crutch for a broken ankle… deep focus on safe patterns as you grieve and heal. If my heart sees that though some words, a woman open to you would see that too. She didn’t, but that’s just how it goes. Nothing to do with you, really, just incompatible aims. She said point blank she wanted light, fun, and from her choices seems to err on the side of shallow. If you look back on the dance you shared with her, I’m sure you can see why it didn’t work. If the loneliness weren’t there, my guess is it wouldn’t even have blipped much. “Yeah, me too, have a good life.” Onward!

I’m guessing you never kept at that metta meditation practice, am I right? “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on youtube, if interested. When the mind turns inward, pushing too much self reflection, our momentum breaks like a bone snapping. I can’t put on the cast for you, doc, its between your butt and a cushion. Consider, when we intentionally spend time thinking specific ideas,our emotions, mind and momentum heals. Metta makes the mind smooth, peaceful, brings authentic happiness. Like a cast, letting the tender fractures heal within a rigid structure so when we dance, it is joyous, light. Only when we do it, though! 🙂

With warmth,
Matt

Steve,

If you’re truly a “better world for all” kind of guy, you have my vote. Steve for president!

With warmth,
Matt