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Amber

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
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  • #195647
    Amber
    Participant

    Thank you so much! I appreciate it. You really did help put things in perspective a little more.

    I think with me being an hour away from her it will help me not forget that her relationship with me is one-sided.

    #195629
    Amber
    Participant

    Thank you, that makes sense truthfully. It’s hard to come to the realization that she’s that type of person because she really doesn’t appear to be. She attends church 2x a week, she is very family oriented BUT looking back at everything it’s all on her terms and no one elses. I’m mourning the loss of my sister but it honestly might not be a bad thing. She may have been a supportive person but she was also toxic in her own ways. I’m the type to forgive and forget… so if she comes around, I’m sure I will accept her but it won’t be the same. I guess I know now that she can be selfish and at times a toxic person. If she loved me and wanted to be my sister, she wouldn’t be acting this way and shutting me out so easily over a life decision I made.

    #195623
    Amber
    Participant

    That is very true. That’s how I’m perceiving it. It seems more as if she’s mad in more of a selfish manner than being the supportive sister that I truly deserve. I was in very very bad abuse marriage for 8 years of my life (together with him a total of 12 years). I am now happy and healthy and I am in a very loving relationship. I do know that it is best for me to move and for my son. My son needs stability and he adores my boyfriend and my boyfriends son. We are very happy with the decision and almoste very one else is except for my sister. She just reacted in a way that really shocks and hurts me.

    She is a my way or the highway type person………. that is true. I’ve always had to re-arrange my life/schedule to fit hers. That’s been a never ending thing. IF for example you cannot make a family event or she needs something from me at that exact moment and I have other plans or for whatever reason can’t attend, she reacts with anger and will instantly cut me out and make passive aggressive comments to me.

    I’ve helped her with her wedding thus far, I honestly don’t think it’s the stress of the wedding. Everything is done… we are just waiting on the day to come at this time.

    #195617
    Amber
    Participant

    She wrote me a very long text stating her “concerns” which was mainly that her son and my son won’t be close anymore and that her and I will drift apart. I told her my reasons for moving and why I am having to vs my boyfriend moving. She seemed to understand then the next day I texted her, no response, the next day, no response. I texted her again and asked what the issue was. No response. I only know that she doesn’t feel it’s in the best interest of me and my son because her boyfriend told me.

    She is getting married March 10th actually and I am the person marrying them, how crazy is that. She is living with her soon to be husband, their son and her other daughter from a different man.

    #195609
    Amber
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    It’s on occasion if her boyfriend can’t get her son that I will get him every now and then. If I could guess I’d say once every 2 months or so I’m needed for something such as that. Twice this year I’ve had to get her daughter from school because no one was available and drop her home. Monday – Friday we almost never hang out or see each other. On the weekends it depends if I have school or something else going on as to whether or not we will hang out for the day together. With that being said I still need MY own personal family time which I a lot of times put their needs aside in order to spend time with my sister and mother.

    My son and her son do go to VPK together so they do see each other every day almost. I’m thinking that’s what the issue is…. she is afraid that when my son leaves the school her son will be alone possibly? Just trying to figure out what the issue is and if I am wrong. She won’t speak to me and it’s been almost a week.

    #159026
    Amber
    Participant

    Dawn,

    If it were me in your situation, I could not forgive something like that. Especially after you had found out the woman was married. To me, that is completely disrespectful and is unforgiveable. You are not married and you don’t have any children so cutting the ties early with him won’t be as difficult. I would however think differently if you had been married, children and were with each other quite sometime. I think in that case it would be counseling and a lot of work on both ends of the marriage. You don’t deserve that…. you deserve so much more. I wouldn’t give him the time of day after what he had done. I do however wish you the best and hope you are able to figure out what you want for your future. Good luck!

    #159022
    Amber
    Participant

    Heartbrokengurl:

    I too was diagnosed with the same. I was married for 8+ years and we both had HSV2. After my divorce it was the most depressing time of my life. I remember thinking about having to tell someone I was dating about what I had. I’d read forums and how people overcome it but it was extremely difficult. I met a wonderful man who accepted it and we’re still together (a year later) and are still deeply in love. We use all precautions so that he doesn’t contract it. I completely understand what you are going through. Having to disclose what I had so early on was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do. It took great courage just as you had in order to tell him. For me, things worked out perfectly and I think the same will for you. If not, it’s his loss, not yours.

    #152778
    Amber
    Participant

    Heartbrokengurl:

    I experienced the same thing actually. I was new to dating (I was married for about 8 years before) and was having this sudden anxiety hit me out of nowhere. I honestly think it has to do with the way we date nowadays. We text, rarely call each other, and everything is basically online. Also when you start dating most people are “talking” to multiple people and will fall off the planet out of nowhere. It usually means they just found someone they thought were better and fit more with them. It wasn’t until I found a genuine, caring, amazing man that all of those feelings stopped. He texted me right back, wasn’t talking to other females and genuinely cared for me. We both just basically found each other. I think that’ll happen in your case, the anxiety goes away when you found someone who WANTS to actually talk to just you and is interested in you. Good luck.

    #152776
    Amber
    Participant

    Kaynah,

    I was in a similar situation like you. I was married for 8 years and together for 12 with my ex. He was a terrible person… he was a sociopath or either a narcissist. I struggled to move past it because of all the mental abuse I endured during the course of our marriage. I was finally able to get out and have been the happiest I have ever been in a very long time. Like you we have a child together and he sees him only 2x per month. He has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend. At times I would feel strangely when I’d see him with his girlfriend and had thoughts of whether or not he treats her better than he did me and if I was ultimately the one who was crazy. I didn’t want him back but I couldn’t shake these feelings. All I can say is that it does get better with time, I had to occupy my time and also I started dating which really helped me. I was able to meet the most wonderful person and things have been phenomenal. Everything just takes time, it’ll pass.

    #152390
    Amber
    Participant

    Scott,

    Don’t feel bad about these feelings. They are completely normal. I too have experienced them and I am 30 year old female. I was married for 8 years and within the last year divorced. I met a new man whom I adore and things are wonderful. We’ve been seeing each other for 8 months now. Even still I have those feelings arise but they quickly go away. If he doesn’t text back right away or within a few hours I do wonder… I get anxious.. I think about if I had said something that upset him and that’s why he’s not replying. I personally will read positive quotes and I try to focus on myself rather than the other person. I quickly learn that there wasn’t a need for the anxiety because he texted me back or he called me that night and we talked. You have to learn to just let things be.. and for instance you did break up or you did loose her because of something that happened in the relationship you WILL be ok. There’s no IF in that, you will be okay. You are your own person and can go through life alone.

    #152368
    Amber
    Participant

    Heartbrokengurl,

    I had this same exact situation happen to me. Actually twice. The first guy was seeing another female and I found out only because of his behavior and how he’d disappear on the weekends and was just very vague. I asked him and he finally admitted he was “talking” to someone else. Even though how hard I tried that just didn’t sit well with me and I had to end it. We weren’t dating, we weren’t official, same situation as you. Just the thought of it made me ill and I believe when your “talking” to another person you shouldn’t be sexual with them to begin with. He was basically playing both of us is how I felt and ended it.

    The second person I started seeing became sexual after the 2nd date. He was not seeing another person and was honest about that but we just ended up not having the same goals and desires as one another and I ended the relationship. He was also a closet alcoholic I found out.

    If I were you I’d be nervous and anxious as well, you have every right to be. I don’t think I’d continue the relationship because you just met and people do lie… even though you feel as if he really cares for you. If he really truly cared, he wouldn’t be seeing another person and also having sex with them. I believe when you find the right person, you can ONLY think and be with that person.

    #151416
    Amber
    Participant

    Sylvie,

    I also was involved with a narcissist or sociopath. We were married for 8 years and together for almost 12. He was an extremely toxic person to be involved with and literally had my life in turmoil. It was the best thing you could of ever done and you will be thankful once you finally see how much they affect your life. Everything you are worried about will work itself out. You just have to keep faith and know that everything happens for a reason. There was a reason you met this person and there was a reason you built up the courage to get away. Good luck to you in your journey!

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)