Forum Replies Created
October 4, 2021 at 7:16 pm #387085
I don’t understand: why did you report her to the police.. what crime do you think she committed?
>> Well the police and my lawyer informed me that it is illegal for any 3rd party like this lady Sunanda Prabhakar to intervene in a case esp. a criminal case that is already subjudiced meaning running in the court. I was told that once the case is running in the court apart from the judge, police and lawyer no one can do anything about it and no one is supposed to do anything about it.. and since she has taken money from me – I was told that it was purely illegal.
(1) Will this be the 2nd time that you publish your autobiography? If the answer is yes, what happened with the first publication?
>>My first book called “iRomance” is a self help book that deals with mainly getting out of depression / overcoming suicidal tendencies and falling in love with oneself.
2) Will your autobiography/ iRomance include the rape topic? If the answer is yes, how will you present the topic?
>> My second book will also be titled “iRomance” which will include the contents of the first book as well but presented in a different manner. It is a fictional autobiography where I will talking about mysticism, angels, demons and also include the rape story as in I will not directly describe it… I will talk about what was done on me – the good touch and the bad touch… plus a little bit on sex education.October 3, 2021 at 6:39 pm #387009
Thank you for those sweet words!
The women’s rights activist, Sunanda Prabhakar, with whom I discussed the above plan with backed out. So I have reported this to the police and she is evading all their calls. So I have come up with another idea. I have completed writing 33% of my autobiography. I shall use only the first name and initials of people so that I do not get entangled in any legal issues. Then as I self-published my first book named “iRomance” [which deals with the procedure of falling in love with yourself] which is about 100 pages and like I had a launch party for it for friends and relatives, this time when I publish my autobiography – I shall include the media as well. Would this be an acceptable idea? Please let me know.
Anagha SondeSeptember 26, 2021 at 10:38 pm #386741
See this move of mine has 2 sides – positive and negative. Positively, I may be able to help not only women who get raped, but also men who get raped. I may be of help to victims of criminal atrocities. I will be of great use to society per se.
But on the negative side, no woman in India has come out in the open and claimed that she was raped and sexually harassed especially after filing a complaint to the police. The “ME TOO” movement in India was not taken in the right spirit. Defamation cases were filed against those who came out in the open and expressed that they were subject to such atrocities. Keeping this in mind, I am prepared to fight the legal battles involved – but this entails a lot of positive as well as negative fame which I am prepared to face. I am just worried if my dad throws me out of the house since he already once told me that I am harming his honor and I am shameless to wash dirty linen in public. And that he is not responsible for me being a beautiful woman who attracts all sorts of attention. But I am prepared for that too. I will stay in paying guest accommodation and help myself out.September 25, 2021 at 4:01 pm #386716
Hope you remember me! I got in touch with a women’s rights activist, Sunanda Prabhakar. After paying her fees, both I and she came up with the idea that even if rape had happened to me, I am not the only one in the world to whom rape has happened. Rape may be gruesome, but the life after rape is even more horrifying. I would like to be the face of rape victims not only in India but all over the world. Since I have been able to battle the trauma with your help and with the help of my psychiatrist and psychologist, I would like to spread awareness about rape and mental health issues associated with it so that it becomes accessible to many victims of rape and other crimes. In this context, Sunanda and I have decided to hold a press conference and come out in the open and speak about it under the guidance of an advocate. Please let me know if this will implicate me.
— Anagha SondeJuly 28, 2021 at 11:28 pm #383622
I thought about my situation deeply and somehow managed to pull myself out of the depressive state that I was in when I started this post. My association with spiritual life has taught me that the purpose of life is not marriage and reproduction but it is to attain freedom from the cycle of birth and death. Lucky are those who realize this early in their life before reproducing as me. This mortal life is a temptation. Temptation of sin. And is definitely not good to reproduce and take our race forward. We should focus on ourselves, our peace, our duty – may be our job and career and earn a living for ourselves. Our spiritual practice must be the purpose of our life since that is the only thing that will take us closer to God and liberate us. Chanting, meditation etc must be religiously practiced. And moreover in the last birth of human rebirth cycle, one either has an inclination towards renunciation like a monk or one embraces being single and advocates self-love. Married people or people having materialistic desires are more into temptation of this sinful world and not a candidate for liberation. So thanks Anita and others who helped me.May 17, 2021 at 9:25 am #379987
By perfect family and awesome life I meant was, here in South India girls usually get married off in their 20s and by the time they are 3o they have 2 children. That is the symbol of a perfect woman here. Girls like me – who are single and asexual are usually seen as misfits or black marks to the family. As if there is some deficiency within us. Nothing perfect could happen to us so we would be leading a life of misery and sadness. As a single woman ages, her life is usually seen to get more and more hard. And that is what scares me as well. I am not confident about the future.May 17, 2021 at 8:17 am #379977
I do not see I made a mistake by getting into relationship with my ex bf. I had carefully thought over it for a few days and then said yes to him. Moreover he was of the same caste so I did not see it as a mistake at all. It just that it turned out to be negative. So I am not angry with myself at all. I just feel unfortunate that all these things happened in my life while compared to other girls who are leading awesome lives with their perfect family – husband and kids. I somehow feel that there is no choice for me except to remain single because of my fear of sex since in India not having sex with husband is grounds for divorce. I am wallowing in self pity and feeling miserable. I do not feel good at all.May 17, 2021 at 5:26 am #379968
I had a break up with my boyfriend few years back and I have still not healed from the shock. I feel so helpless and lifeless. I still get dreams about him in my sleepless nights. He got married abroad and I am thinking that he is enjoying his life out there but I am wallowing in self pity. If only I had a chance to beat him and take my stress out. But I can’t. I neither can forgive nor forget. I am so lost. All I can see is that he left me, he left me and he left me. Although my life is much better without him and I got to live life in a much better way than it would be if he was around, I still feel sad that he left me. How do I get over this obsession to inflicting pain upon myself for no reason? How do I forgive myself?May 17, 2021 at 1:18 am #379963
I am from India particularly from the south and here families are very orthodox. It is expected that a girl remains a virgin before accepting a man in marriage. But I have had friends who lost their virginity to their boyfriends before marriage and had terrible breakups as well. They did not marry the guy they lost their virginity to. But they did not tell their future husband that they are not virgin. They told that they had boyfriend before but they did not get physical. I think it is best to maintain this way since you wont be triggering the male ego either. Do not tell your future husband or boyfriend that you are not a virgin. It will save you some slack.May 17, 2021 at 12:57 am #379960
The problem is the baggage that I carry. I carry a lot of baggage of the past and I feel unfortunate that all this happened to me. I am unable to forgive myself. Please tell me how to do that. When I see the lives of other girls who got married in their 20s and have kids now, I feel far from perfect. My friends and relatives also ask me if I have been able to move on – tell me one thing, after the trauma I went through I decided to stay away from men. I decided that the things a man gets you – like may be a house or companionship – I will get for myself. I will invest in a house by working hard and I will treat God as my companion. Is there anything wrong with this? But friends and family want to see me married as if that is the only solid proof of me moving on now that sufficient time has passed. I am against this patriarchal set up of society in India. The woman keeps toiling in the kitchen and the man has a gala time at her cost. My point is if he has to eat he should participate in the cooking and cleaning process as well. My well wishers tell me may be I will find such a man who will help me in the kitchen. But I know all these men. First 2 years of marriage they participate and then they show their true colours. Thats why I am against marriage. And men exercise control over women. We lose our power of decision making and thus they don’t really keep us happy. Its their needs that gets prioritised over ours. Hence I find no pointing getting married. I want to remain single and enjoy my life by doing things I like. Is there anything wrong with that?April 30, 2021 at 6:43 am #378968
Hi Anita – May I reply to this post?
I was exactly in your situation a few years back. I was in relationship with this man for 4 years. He forced me for sex and abused me. Moreover he went abroad and betrayed me and lied to me. That was still not enough for me to hate him. There were many times when I wanted to break the relationship myself but he kept emotionally blackmailing me and got me back to be his girlfriend. Finally when he went abroad he found someone there and broke up with me. I could not come to terms with it. However bad he was to me, my woman’s heart still felt like and still feels like wanting to talk to him. But then what will I talk to him after all these years. What explanation will he give? I am sure whatever he says, I will have a counter argument and the conversation will never end. It will only make me cry and want him back. So it is best to view this way. Start loving yourself. This is the time that God has made you realise that you should be there for yourself. Apply makeup. Dress beautiful. Cook. Start journaling. Write all your questions in the journal and answers too. You will become stronger. Start improving the lives of people around you. Get active in social media. Get admitted to some groups where you can contribute. You should be the center of your life now. He was just a karmic debt that had to be finished. You should not swallow your spit. He is gone and good riddance. There will always be people who are better than him. Who can love you more than him. And one such person is you. Pamper yourself. Fall in love with God. Hear and heed to God’s voice in your head. You will definitely see that things will fall into place. You can always express your feelings here. Anita really helped me get over my depression.April 27, 2021 at 5:04 am #378812
Yes. Thanks for agreeing with me. But then I have decided to remain single and unmarried – question is what will I do when I am old? Others will be busy with their spouse and children, I will be all alone and lonely leading a miserable life. I am not saying that married life will be better for me. But I see that both sides there is no sunshine.March 13, 2021 at 2:56 pm #376039
I have considered whatever you have said in your previous post and took the initiative of completing my life coaching certification. I practice as a certified life coach now and that is my parallel profession. I did some digital marketing about this and created a website. Now I have few clients, to begin with. Becoming a women’s rights activist is something that I have thought of for a long time and I would definitely consider taking that up seriously. I want you to encourage me on this path. Even if there is no light at the end of the tunnel, I will light a match stick and create light in the tunnel.
Anagha SondeMarch 10, 2021 at 10:59 pm #375903
Hi Dear Anita,
I have slipped into depression. I am taking Lithium tablets for bipolar disorder as advised by my psychiatrist and doing talk therapy or counseling as well. But those therapists do not understand me as you do. Once in a while, since I was raped after being in love with the accused and he took advantage of the fact that I am in love with him, I still have soft spot for the rapist and have an irrational demand that he should marry me although things stand differently today. I do not mind if the marriage ends in divorce, but my point is he took advantage of my love towards him and promised me marriage thereby taking undue advantage of getting physical with me and not keeping up the promise of marriage. This is rape here in India. I am unable to get sleep at night and spend many hours thinking about this and my other court cases as well. I have been forced to resign by my employer and I am fighting that out as well. I really need to get some sleep and whatever sleep I manage to get is marred with nightmares of the hellish episodes of my life. Please help as to how I can get my peace of mind back. I cannot do meditation because I get a rush of thoughts nor can I practice forgiveness. Please suggest something practical.
Thanks in advance.
AnaghaFebruary 4, 2021 at 4:25 pm #374073
He is an Indian citizen, not a Finnish citizen yet. He is just married to a Finnish woman. That too I do not know if the marriage is valid since I was given their marriage certificate that had no signatures of both. He got bail in the rape case from the Supreme Court on the condition that he participates in the trial process which he is not. So my lawyer is telling me to proceed with the cancellation of bail so that he gets arrested. Your thoughts?