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andrea

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • in reply to: need help,loosing it #82554
    andrea
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Its been long time I was away….I have been thinking and thinking about everything. When I analyze my situation, I separated my current married bf and my marriage. I decided to work on both separately. I thought my life is screwed up and also my marriage. May be I am filling the gap through my married bf and hence decided let’s keep both issues separate.I went to a psychiatrist, a known person through a friend. Told her abt my marriage problem and then she asked me everything from my childhood. I told her everything that I have mentioned here,expect the married bf. She has been supportive and I have been honest with her. She told me I have always been deprived of love n care. She asked n number of questions abt mrrg n I n she realize I have no attraction towards my husband and seems d same with him. So such a big disconnect. I told my husband I am seeing a psychiatrist and we need to sort out. Initially he was not ready,but later out of frustration he agreed to meet. He said he doesn’t have time as he has to go to gym after his ofc n all. Now I’ll wait fo him to take initiative and get involved. He had also gone out for vacation with his friends over weekend but dint get time to participate in this problem. I dint say anything. I am anyways staying with my parents since I walked out of my house. The psychiatrist said she will listen to his part as its imp and I also agree. He might have to open up.
    Thanks for being all help. I will be back soon. Please share your valuable inputs if any.

    in reply to: need help,loosing it #81507
    andrea
    Participant

    Dear Anita,I’m almost is tears….I feel pity for myself. I am feeling like crying a lot. I am tired and I want to end this feeling of insecurity and pain…..a feeling of helpless girlfriend of a married boyfriend…… A feeling of a helpless human being…. Killing myself iinside

    in reply to: need help,loosing it #81504
    andrea
    Participant

    Hey Glet, thanks for joining in….yea I have thought about the worst, I can’t imagine my bf not talking to me. We have been through fights when we don’t talk to each other for days,but every time we came back together because he understands me well and get worried if I break down. We had biggest fight and he patched up with me,he too needs me to love him and take care of him. But yea,the truth is that he can live a normal life(not happy) without me. But this side,I cant imagine he leaving me. But somewhere since last few months, I have been thinking of this situation when he suddenly leaves me and disconnects me. I will have no option but let him go with what he wants. I won’t die but will miss him always. Will cope up with this,but will be difficult. Please someone help me to start loving myself. I can’t leave my bf but atleast I can try and be content with myself( being content gives one happiness they say).

    in reply to: need help,loosing it #81499
    andrea
    Participant

    Thanks Anita, I did not say that I do not need emotional support through the divorce. I always needed emotional support all the time. Since my husband did not fulfill that, I was attracted to my current bf.
    Taking you back to my ex-boyfriend before marriage….he was too aggressive whenever he had doubt on me.we were so close that I bunked my college for entire graduation period except for my exams. He was insecured as I was beautiful and he is dark. This I was told by his one friend after the breakoff. I dint even know that he was a Marijuana addict. And later after breakoff,I got to know from his sister that he I’d mentally disturbed so had left me. He recovered in 2 years and then called me one day and apologized that he left without a valid reason. We closed on a good note.
    I would also like to add many things. I always needed emotional support since childhood. May parents always fought. My dad used to hit my mom all the time and my mom went into depression. This was till my school days and I never used to understand why did my dad hit my mom. Never saw them going along well. I have a brother who kept busy then hanging around with friends. I went to college and entered this relationship with my ex-boyfriend. He was then my mom, dad everything for me. I was blindly in love because I was taken care of about everything by him.we used to meet in morning and he used to leave me close to my house.we both were students then. But then it ended the way I mentioned above.
    I look to myself today and feel that I always traded myself for having that emotional comfort. I don’t know what’s going on. I never thought if I am right or wrong, just carried on because it served my emotional needs. I am still learning to be happy with myself and loving self, but can’t get rid of depending on others for happiness or emotional needs.

    in reply to: need help,loosing it #81490
    andrea
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you so much for your help.
    You have perfectly understood me……I have all these questions in mind. Only one correction in 4 th paragraph- “You need more emotional support to get through the divorce you are seriously considering or even planning. Is that correct?” this is not correct. I need emotional support through out life now. I could sense that I will feel more and more lonely now.
    Once again thankyou

    in reply to: need help,loosing it #81481
    andrea
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    He had said initially that he don’t have emotional connect with his wife. That is she is not matured enough to understand his emotional needs. My boyfriend manages his married life well,spends time with wife and is a good dad as well. But when it comes to physical intimacy he is too much into me. We do not make out for the sake of making out,it’s emotional involvement and soul connect. And at times when we are away from intimacy for months,still we are emotionally connected strongly. He never said but he comes from a very conservative family where marriages are always arrange marriages.
    I never expect him to spend on me for material things. But I badly need emotional support.
    I understand the importance of family,so I don’t interfere in his family and never try to disturb him when he is with his family. Tomorrow if he would say that he will stop being physically intimate with me,I won’t get much bothered if he wwill have the same emotional connect with me and take care of me. These are my thoughts Anita.

    in reply to: Trouble letting go #81454
    andrea
    Participant

    Wow inky….loved the way to wrote!

    in reply to: need help,loosing it #81452
    andrea
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I have thought about the wrong in the relationship. But I get emotional support and love in this relationship. As you said that this can harm his son or his married life,it is not like that. I respect them a lot because they are on priority n I always come after them and I have whole heartedly accepted this fact. No second thought on this. We have maintained the line of privacy. But now as m becoming old,m feeling more lonely and expectations are increasing. This never means that you leave your family and come,but yes I expect you to spend the rest of time with me. I have sort of become habitual or you can say addicted to him. What is your thought on this Anita. I know society will not call this right, but me and my boyfriend share this relationship which is helping us grow,it reflects in my confidence,I feel secured and loved.

    in reply to: need help,loosing it #81432
    andrea
    Participant

    Yes Anita,he is married and has a son.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)