Hi Jessa !

Thank you for sharing that. It reminds me so much of myself a year ago. I had been in emotionally abusive relationships for most of my life and had exactly the same problem opening up. I thought too much before I said things. I thought that, when I did say something, it had to be “just right” or or nobody would have any interest. After therapy and learning to be honest with myself about what I was feeling in every moment, I was able to gain self acceptance. Which led to confidence, which then led to communicating with people for ME and from MY heart – not out of the need for validation.

STAY IN THE MOMENT. Focus on what moves YOU in every moment and begin to share those things as they come., I used to “plan” my sentences carefully before I said them – I was anxious about the NEXT moment instead of feeling and expressing the present – in all its beautiful simplicity.

For example today, I went to breakfast with someone I used to feel intimidated by due to my lack of sophistication -( I didnt think I had anything worthy of his interest to share). But today, I really enjoyed MY experience. I was genuinely happy and thankful that I was there. So….here is what I simply said: “thank you so much for taking me here. I actually love breakfast, but rarely have the time to enjoy it.” “There is nothing like good coffee in the morning” …. “I was so impressed by your project -and was wondering – what was your biggest challenge?”….and so on.

Basically, it may sound boring to an outsider, but we had a good conversation because I said what was genuinely on my mind and didnt worry once about what I was going to say – I expressed what I was feeling in THAT moment – and it felt great. It felt real. That small step will open doors for deeper conversations when the time is right for you. But “BE YOURSELF” . “LOVE YOURSELF”. You have so much to give and you are just as worthy. Trust yourself. You are important. You are beautiful. Communicate from a thankful and generous heart full of wonder at the gifts you can receive and share in every moment.

I wish you all the best – you can do this! You deserve to feel free:)
Love,
Annie

Dear Kelly,

My advice to you is this: read your initial post as if it was written by someone else with the same problem – what advice would you give? The answer is already inside you. You deserve love and happiness and only you can give that to yourself with the choices you make. I do understand and respect your pain. You deserve a beautiful life – one small choice at a time will guide you.

Be STRONG and true to yourself – my thoughts and prayers are with you that you will have clarity, courage and peace.

Take care,
Annie

Dear Jessica,

I have struggled with the same thing from time to time – the best quote I have heard to help with this is: “You can’t have 2 thoughts at the same time.’

And that is absolutely true. Try making a conscious effort to replace each negative thought with a purposeful positive…..it really works:)

Take care,
Annie

Hello Paul,

Im so sorry that you are dealing with this emotional death. 3 years ago, I left my husband after 18 years. I had never felt such an unusual and surreal mix of pain, shock, anxiety and uncertainty. I was truly lost. And terrified of really letting myself feel all of those deeply uncomfortable emotions. Mostly because they changed so quickly and I didnt understand that it was normal to feel the inner conflict of so many emotions. It was like going through a hurricane everyday and not knowing which emotion would hit me in the face in the morning and change like the wind a few hours later. I finally became so exhausted after months of this that I finally just decided to “let go.” I surrendered. I chose to accept that I had absolutely no idea what my future without him would bring. And in that moment of embracing both the pain and uncertainty, I began to heal and truly feel peace. The bottom line is that there is no right or wrong way to mourn the loss of someone you love. Allow yourself the freedom to feel and express every emotion you have. Peace will come when you are ready – dont try to force it. My thoughts and prayers are with you – live honestly and speak truly – your words will shape your future.