Hi Anita, as much as I know you are right I’m really struggling to stay ok. It seems as though time is dragging and I’ve not managed to relax or enjoy a single second. I can’t sleep, watch or do anything. I didn’t realise it would feel this bad. The whole time I’m wondering what he’s doing and obsessing. It’s a horrible feeling that I can’t shake off right now.
I wish he had fought for me. But I need to accept this reality and know that the feelings I had for him are not the same on his part. I’m starting to even doubt his depression to be honest because quite honestly I feel pretty depressed and have done for months.
Anyway, there’s nothing that can be done I just have to ride this through and try to get a grip. I loved that man so much but when it’s not returned it hurts. I know I need to pick up and get the old me back. Not sure how but that is the goal.

Hi Anita & Gecko4,
Thank you so much for your post and good advice. Fortunately he lives over an hour away from me so there is no danger of him coming around. & I honestly don’t think he will even care that we’re over. I think the last few months he’s been drawing away from me anyway and as he clearly thinks I’m worth nothing he will probably just get on with his own thing.
For me it is a bit harder because I’ve lost my confidence and don’t feel like I’m strong. I spent so much time listening & accepting all the negative stuff he said about me. Of course he was nice at times but when I look back he just didn’t act as though I meant anything to him. A small example – my car was stretched one night whilst parked outside his house. When I told him he said ‘oh well it’s not a biggie’ Then we found out his lodgers car also got stratched. She told me he offered to pay for the damage. So I asked him why he offered to pay for her car to be fixed but wasn’t even concerned about him. He just said ‘you’ve got a shit car so it doesn’t matter’ Anyway it’s just a small thing but it was one of many and upsetting.
Once when we spent a day in London coming back to the train station I accidentally led us to the wrong platform because it had been refurbished and I was confused. He went crazy and slammed his can of drink on the ground shouting and screaming at me that I was stupid for leading him the wrong way and ruining his birthday. People were staring in disbelief. Later when I said there was no need to get so angry as it was an honest mistake he still went on about how I had to be stupid to not know which platform it was?
The same happened when we went away for a few days. & when I had a car accident he was the only person who didn’t ask if was ok. He just said ‘oh well shit happens’ I am sick of it and it’s horrible watching him be lovely and charming to everyone but me. All I wanted was for him to show some concern. I think over time I just started thinking that maybe there is something wrong with me. But my friends and family and even people I meet out and about seem to respect me and visa versa so this is why I need him out of my life now. I want to just feel at ease and not constantly stressed or walking on eggshells. Sorry for rambling but on. I’m sure some of what I’ve written might not make sense but just wanted to give you an idea some of the stuff that got me down. Thanks again to you both for listening and I’ll keep you posted.
Xxxx

Hi Anita,
You are so right. I have gone over and over in my head how to do this. You are spot on. No explanation is necessary anymore.
I will keep you posted.
Thank you so much for your support x

Thanks Anita, you are right. Not sure why I’ve not been able to do it. All I know is that I feel so miserable and that’s not how we’re supposed to feel in a relationship. All the small things like him ignoring my calls or texts and then telling me he ‘couldn’t be arsed to call me back’ There’s a list as long as my arm. But I do want my life back so I will try and take control this week. It’s scary but it will be worth it. I’d rather be on my own and lonely than deal with any more of his mental torture. & if I’m ugly so what!!! I’ll enjoy being ugly at home and embrace myself rather than have him make me feel that way x thank you for your advice. It’s much appreciated x