It sounds like he is trying to manipulate you. You have spent a lot of time trying to make it work, and you are certainly not guilty of quitting on him nor do you have anything else to feel guilty about, do not let him make you feel that way. I am struggling with a similar situation right now with my boyfriend, and it is really hard. Every time I think I know what decision is right, I end up second guessing myself. I have been second guessing myself for years, and guess what? Seven years later nothing has changed. I am still unhappy and dissatisfied. The only difference is that now, I am seven years older and I have wasted most of my twenties. I advise you to really try and imagine what your future looks like, with him in the picture, and with him out of the picture. In which scenario are you happy? I advise you to really follow your heart and have no regrets. I know how hard it is from personal experience, but try not to second guess yourself. Three years turns into five, five turns into ten, and before you know it you have lost a huge chunk of your life and have nothing to show for it. Life is too short as it is, do not let fear hold you back from following your intuition. It will hurt temporarily, but it will be well worth it a few years down the road when you have found the love of your life and you are happy and at peace.

It is so nice to hear all your stories and know that I can relate. It hits close to home for me as it is something I am currently struggling with. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. In the beginning, I was young and naive and went against my intuition. I saw the red flags and knew deep down that this was not the man for me. Now, I am 27, have essentially thrown away my twenties for this man, and and struggling with a relationship that is unfufilling to me. What makes it so difficult is the fact that he is a wonderful person who has the sweetest and kindest heart of anyone I have ever known. He loves me more than his own family, and he would never do anything to hurt me, I know this for fact. Yet here I am trying to figure out how to leave him without breaking his heart into pieces. I do think the reason that i have stayed this long is due to being comfortable, scared to change, and the dread of hurting him. He really is my best friend, he knows me and loves me like no one else. The problem is, we are just not right for each other. We want different things in life. He is now mid-thirties, living at home. He has no drive, no sense of purpose, no ambition. He doesn’t like change, he is not open minded, he is controlling and insecure. He wants different things than I want, and lately (like for the past couple of years) I find that I am simply not attracted to him anymore. I see him more as a dear friend or brother whom I love dearly with all of my heart… but not my romantic life partner. Despite all of this, I am still struggling to do what I feel in my heart is right.

I don’t know how to even begin. But the thought of staying another year makes me physically sick. I don’t want to hurt him, yet I know in the long run I am only hurting both of us by staying.

Praying for courage and wisdom, and seeking advice.