Hello Bri,

I encourage you to trust the decision you made and to terminate this friendship once and for all. It sounds like to me you have already given her a 2nd chance, and if that was wasted, then it’s time to move on. The universe is designed in such a way that you attract certain people into your life fairly easily, while others will come and go.

Ultimately, you made this decision to cut her out of your life because you are looking for less drama, more happiness, and one less thing to worry about. These sound like good reasons to me to leave her behind, you have to look out for yourself. You are listening to your instinct on this, and 9 times out of 10 your instinct is usually right.

Best of luck

Brilliant @JasmineJasmine, I wish I spoke with you when I was going through my dark hours.

@Network7, Hello, it is indeed true that the world can be a scary place, and it’s easy to look around and get lost. I dont know if you are a fan of the Rocky movies, but my favorite scene from rocky 6 is when Rocky tells his son that nothing is going to hit you as hard as life, but it isnt about how hard you get hit, it’s about how much you can get hit, and keep moving forward, how much you can take and still keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.

There is a winner inside of all of us. Perception drives reality, and you can awaken the champion inside of you when you believe in yourself. I would like to suggest that you block the whole world out, and forget about comparing yourself to other people. See where you are today, and start making a plan to work on yourself everyday. This way, you can compare yourself to where you were yesterday. Once you start achieving your small goals, in time they will add up into bigger and bigger goals. Every day is an opportunity to move forward.

Wish you the best of luck,
Batman

Niall,

As a student of medicine myself, I am going to offer you 2 different forms of advice. Since you are 2nd year, you must forget about this man and move on. If you are a US student, you really need to focus on school and the board exams. I was having a girl problem a while ago which distracted me from my studies too much, and I couldn’t afford it because I’m already getting panic attacks about the boards. I cut her out of my life; she didnt seem to care or maybe is relieved, but who cares about her, once I am done with the step 1 it is easy street after that. Meeting girls or guys can happen anytime and anywhere, but you can only take that exam once. This advice is from a med student perspective.

From my batman perspective, I think that if this man is not over his past girlfriend, that will do more harm to you. You are right, its not fair to you that he is doing this to you. This guy has his own problems it seems, and I would hate to see his problems affect you negatively. You deserve someone who cant stop thinking about you and nobody else. These people do exist, but sometimes you have to branch out of your comfort zone to meet people.

Niall, you do have control over your own life. I need you to answer one simple question, who matters more, yourself or everyone else? If the answer is you, then you need to take care of the most important person in the world, you. I know you feel like you lost yourself sister, I’ve been there, but once you start looking out for yourself, and start focusing on what you are good at, which is your workload, the gears of your life will start moving again, you are the boss Niall.

My dear WonderLast,

I can understand your plight, as the same thing just happened to me. Things with my ex and I ended abruptly, and not in a good way a while ago, and I havent seen her or talked to her in months, but just recently I am now seeing her around again. It is extremely awkward to say the least, I am avoiding her, and its obvious she is avoiding me.

The funny thing is, a long time ago things between us were bad too but we tried to patch it up. Unfortunately, that did not last long at all for many reasons. At this point, I know it’s over. My birthday is coming up very soon, and I know I am the type of person who would watch to see if she posts “happy birthday” on my wall, and if she didnt that would hurt me. My solution….I blocked her of facebook, that way I dont have to ever find out. I dont want to set myself up for disappointment.

At this point I wish I never tried to patch things up with her in the past when things were bad. I should have just let it go but I couldn’t because I was in love. If I could do it all over again, I would have not gotten in touch with her, and when she is near by, I would act smile, act social, and pretend my life couldn’t be better…just to throw it in her face.

In the end though Wonderlast, its all just an experience, which you learn from. From my experience I learned things about myself, and with this experience I can become a better person, and find a much better girl as well. I am sure of that. My self-value went down the toilet because of this girl, but now my self-confidence and attitude is returning, and I am most happy about that. I do not want to lose my self-confidence again for a girl.

Chad thank you for your response. I am glad we agreed on several points. To clarify what I meant about Lynda bearing less responsibility; I was specifically looking at the age difference, which is quite substantial. At the age of 23, even though you are considered an adult legally, you are still at an age where you are meant to make mistakes, you will make mistakes, and you learn right from wrong through real experience. At the age of 23, Lynda is learning how to function in society for the first time without the protection of her parents.

The man is 64 years old. At that age his wisdom and past experiences should have told him not to cheat on his wife. To be quite frank, Chad, I wouldnt be at all surprised if this older gentlemen saw an opportunity to seduce Lynda and did just that.

Lynda, at the age of 23, you are going to make so many mistakes, but it is ok, because through these experiences you will grow and learn to become a stronger person. Life is going to throw lots of things at you. Champions find a way to push past the hurdles of life, and find a way to define their reality, they dont let situations define who they are. I sense a champion inside of you linda, I sense a part of batman in you.

Zita,

I understand you are on an emotional rollercoaster as of late. What happened is not your fault. Loving other people is a wonderful thing.

The best advice I can offer is probably what you already know, its time to let go, and move on. How, you may ask? It can be as easy or as hard as you make it. Understand that you are a unique, beautiful girl that a hundred guys would fight for. You are not a woman who is defined by her past, and you are certainly not defined by your past relationships.

I know you feel like you made “mistakes” with this guy, but you cant beat yourself up about this because they arent mistakes at all. You cant predict the future Zita, you made the choices you did at the time because you were hoping for the best, you didnt actually have any intention of making a mistake right then and there. Consider it a lesson learned. I’ve been there too sister, I think everyone has trusted in the wrong person before, and believe me, falling in love certainly blurs everything for everybody else as well.

Zita, right now, you are totally free of this guy, you have a new fresh start on yourself. This is an exciting opportunity for you to do what you want to do, and grow as an individual.

Best of luck ZIta

Hello. I have been suffering from the same problems you described for almost the past year. I was always pretty normal and carefree before that, but several things happened to me which changed everything, the biggest thing was getting my heart broken, and then there were several other things. I didnt know what to do, but I can tell you what I’m doing now which is helping me a lot.

I have always been into fitness, and several times through out my life I had a “rock hard” noticable body, but in the past year I lost that. I worked out, but my muscle was covered by fat, so I couldnt wear the kinds of clothes to show off my bod because otherwise my gut would also stick out. So for the past 3 months I have been eating really strict, clean foods, working out with the heavy weights, and doing LOTs of cardio. My body looks much better, and I get confidence from that. There arent many people I know who can run for very long distances, do intense cardio while also being able to bench, and squat a lot more than their body weight.

The other thing is, I started reading a lot of ‘self help’ books, but I cant ever seem to get into them. Then I came across Bryan Tracy, and he is awesome. I just wished I discovered this man’s work at the beginning of my spiralling collapse into anxiety/depression, but better late than never. In a nutshell, he encourages how setting high goals leads to improved self confidence. I have some huge goals I need to complete this year, and I keep listening to bryan tracy’s voice (I bought his audio-book on self confidence) to encourage me not to give up.

Third, I discovered this lady who has been featured on Tiny Bhudda named Bernadette Logue from pinchmeliving.com. She has this free audio on her website about 400 positive affirmations which she says. I listen to this audio on my ipod while I am sleeping. Her voice in my head literally blocks out the negative thoughts I create myself.

I’d also like to thank my parents for being very supportive. They saw me in my most depressed state, and didnt give up on me when I gave up on myself.

Sometimes the negative thoughts come back into my head, but the frequency is much less than before.