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Dwelling vs. dealing

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  • April 3, 2014 at 7:45 pm #54152
    Christy
    Participant

    I am recently trying to overcome a difficult disappointment. I keep reading that you should always feel your sadness, not push it away. When you want to cry, cry. Don’t try to just block your feelings out because the less you deal with them, the longer the disappoint or sadness will linger, and the longer it will be before you can truly move on.

    But when does all of this “feeling the sadness” just turn into dwelling on the past? It has been a month now that I have tried to really deal with my sadness, understand it, and try to heal. Sometimes I feel like feeling the sadness just makes it continue. I guess I am unclear on the line between dwelling on the past and accepting the emotions your past is causing you.

    Any thoughts?

    April 3, 2014 at 11:14 pm #54159
    BruceWayne
    Participant

    My dear Christy,

    I was in a similar position as you almost exactly a year ago. Unfortunately, I got stuck on dwelling on that disappointment for a very long time, and I believe I am finally at a much better place now, almost a year later.

    I made a lot of mistakes a long the way, I feel like I had depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc. Its a blurry line between dealing with a situation and moving on vs getting fixated on that problem for a much longer time.

    I urge you to talk to a trusted friend or family member for support. Not only that, but distance yourself completely, in every single way possible from the source of the problem. If there is something negatively influencing your life, it needs to go ASAP. Focus your energy on you 100%; its time to take care of the most important person on earth, and that is you Christy. You are now in a wonderful place in your life Christy, you can rebuild yourself, figure out what you were passionate about, what your goals and desires are, and focus your attention to that..

    I realize my last paragraph may sound like a “pep talk” but it worked wonders for me when I shifted my thinking in this manner a few months ago. Now, I feel much more in control. I work everyday on my goals, I work out everyday, I started taking care of myself….everything is…tighter. I’m not not the same person who I was a year ago, I have evolved.

    Christy, you can evolve too. I dont know if I helped answer your question, but the reason I responded is because I can relate to getting stuck dwelling on the past.

    April 5, 2014 at 9:11 am #54294
    gotye89
    Participant

    why hello there, that is a great observation. I must assert that to truly deal with the situation, you must view it from all viewpoints, you must ask yourself questions and see how how you would respond to them. the answering of questions is important for then you tap into your own spiritual guide. asking questions also helps because i believe putting pen onto paper can sometimes be such a heartfelt experience that the answers that you give in response to the questions will surely have a ring of truth to them. yes, to truly let go, it is recommended that you experience the emotion in its entirety but then you have forgotten to ask yourself if apart from feeling the emotion – if you can do something physical as well- like keeping your body busy for a while such as by doing exercise or doing manual task or moving yourself physically for a while. this simple act of doing something physical for a while may help you clear your mind so that your tendency to dwell as opposed to deal can be lessened. to truly deal, you must try out other techniques apart from just experiencing the emotion so you must try if you can the methods of exercise, meditation or try to talk to the person/s who was/were involved in the situation to understand why they have chosen to let you experience this path and you must ask yourself as well why dwelling is much more easier than dealing – is it because you may have some other internal resistances, namely the fear of change. furthermore, i would recommend that you follow a healthy diet so that the lows which accompany the feeling of dwelling are not so bad to be felt as a diet with adequate fats such as found in eggs, nuts and fish can make sure that you don’t experiences the highs and lows that usually experience when a diet rich in junk food is consumed. i hope this helps and by all means you are on the right track as it is indeed recommended that you must exprience the sad emotions but you must complement this technique with other techniques so that the approach becomes holistic in nature. thanks and God Bless you.

    • This reply was modified 10 years ago by gotye89.
    • This reply was modified 10 years ago by gotye89.
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