yeah this is a good question – i think sometimes the greatest philosophies arise when you live through something so your philosophy is one based on experience and that experience in terms becomes transcendental. i think sometimes the philosophy to have is to consciously and deliberately evolve with the times, i think the times keep on changing and you are only helping your own self if you adapt instead of resist the times or whatever it is or at least make it your own, so don’t embrace just any change but integrate it in your lifestyle the best way you can – this way your lifestyle becomes more at one with the times and at the same time you are staying true to yourself.

hope this didn’t come across too preachy.

why hello there, that is a great observation. I must assert that to truly deal with the situation, you must view it from all viewpoints, you must ask yourself questions and see how how you would respond to them. the answering of questions is important for then you tap into your own spiritual guide. asking questions also helps because i believe putting pen onto paper can sometimes be such a heartfelt experience that the answers that you give in response to the questions will surely have a ring of truth to them. yes, to truly let go, it is recommended that you experience the emotion in its entirety but then you have forgotten to ask yourself if apart from feeling the emotion – if you can do something physical as well- like keeping your body busy for a while such as by doing exercise or doing manual task or moving yourself physically for a while. this simple act of doing something physical for a while may help you clear your mind so that your tendency to dwell as opposed to deal can be lessened. to truly deal, you must try out other techniques apart from just experiencing the emotion so you must try if you can the methods of exercise, meditation or try to talk to the person/s who was/were involved in the situation to understand why they have chosen to let you experience this path and you must ask yourself as well why dwelling is much more easier than dealing – is it because you may have some other internal resistances, namely the fear of change. furthermore, i would recommend that you follow a healthy diet so that the lows which accompany the feeling of dwelling are not so bad to be felt as a diet with adequate fats such as found in eggs, nuts and fish can make sure that you don’t experiences the highs and lows that usually experience when a diet rich in junk food is consumed. i hope this helps and by all means you are on the right track as it is indeed recommended that you must exprience the sad emotions but you must complement this technique with other techniques so that the approach becomes holistic in nature. thanks and God Bless you.

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by gotye89.
• This reply was modified 10 years ago by gotye89.

Well, Castios, I have only read your post and not what the other two have written for you as advice as I want to give you a new perspective. I don’t think I have felt such a high degree of grief as you describe but I can surely empathise. You must understand as many great people have said, namely Osho, I don’t know if you have heard of him but his work always somehow mentions death, for example one should not fear death and so on. But what I am trying to say is that this life is indeed made up of two opposites and without one side, the other cannot exist – day and night must exist and so on. Thus, you have experienced the intensity of one side and as time passes, at whatever speed you perceive it to pass, you will see the other side as well. Right now, I urge you to channel this grief in the right direction and not pursue anti depressants but find a support group – tell people what you are going through, communicate with others or even approach a therapist and just talk it through with them. Talk about how you feel, don’t bottle it up. I believe that sharing your story with another will help you feel better at least for a while. Rest of the time, keep busy, pursue your goals or if you haven’t try to set some goals after careful consideration. Set goals not only to go through the grief but the act of setting goals will make you believe that even if there is loss, life will move on and you must too. Just like night comes after the day, you must understand and try to go with the flow of life and understand that this episode of grief must be taken in stride. You must move along with it, you must feel it, you must talk about it but you must not let it prevent you from seeing that life goes on. I hope this helps. In a nutshell, all I am trying to say is that you must not make this grief own you, you must own it and channel it so that you can feel better at a later stage that you did the best you can at that stage of your life.

Hi, I can totally understand your pain. My advice would in tune with the above, mainly talk it through with a professional therapist but I would also recommend that you take each day as it comes and by that I mean experience every emotion and don’t try to run away from experiencing anything. I learnt that this is the trick – to truly experience everything as I too have recently went through something similar and I realised that the best thing you can do is to actually feel everything that you want to feel. Just let it all out and over time divert these energies elsewhere. Second piece of advice pertaining to your situation is to set boundaries – set boundaries with regard to what you will tolerate in future relationships. Please know that you must look ahead no matter how hard it is and how much further in the future you will want to pursue another relationship but start jotting down things somewhere (in a notebook maybe) about what you will do next time so as to prevent yourself from getting so hurt such as maintaining boundaries as I mentioned before. For many, a boundary is as simple as not sharing too many personal details so as to prevent the occurrence of an emotional attachment until and unless they truly believe the other person is worth getting a relationship into with. I hope this helps. Much of the advice in this rely is from personal experience. best wishes and Namaste.