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apples333

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #165146
    apples333
    Participant

    Now I have fomo there and miss being in a comfortable relationship that was fun and adventurous.

    #165140
    apples333
    Participant

    I’m still feeling so regretful on not giving this relationship and the new city a longer chance. I rushed it hoping that I would figure it out quickly before I messed up more of my twenties. I was so focused on what I was losing other than what I would gain from the experience. I just want a time machine to go back! And it is a horrible feeling to live with. I love this guy, I could have made it work. I worked so hard to move there and then so quickly everything happened for me to move back. Now, I feel like I’m just going to regret it all for the rest of my life.

     

    I just wish I could go back. I don’t know if I’m in denial and worried that I’ll never find a guy again that makes me feel amazing and adventurous. I don’t want to live where I am right now even though my family and friends are here.

    The guy right now is trying to get over me it feels like. He visited me a month ago and it was great! But now I feel like he needs space and we are still in this time where either of us knows what to do.

    I just don’t know if I should put down more roots here or just jump and make the leap back to the new city.

     

    #159804
    apples333
    Participant

    Sounds like you had the time of your life! I’m excited. I just need to get all my plans together.

     

    Thank you!!!

    #159750
    apples333
    Participant

    Hi Eliana,

    It’s getting better. I think it mostly comes from me being so eager to figure out everything out in my life quickly. I have a lot of things that aren’t concrete. Yes, I want to travel. Yes, I want to try all these new things. But I need my friends and family right now and that’s more important than the town you live in. I think there will be a time when life naturally takes me to a new place or it will just feel so right that it makes sense. Right now, I’m just trying to create a life so different and exciting probably because I want to feel like I’m living it. When I continue living in the same place and doing the same kinds of things I get bored and frustrated. But I’ll still get into a routine in a new town and become bored with it too. Right now I’m planning a solo travel trip! I have some vacation days and want to go somewhere. It is so hard to work with everyone else’s work schedule and waiting to book the flight makes me anxious that its never going to happen! So I’ve decided that I’ll probably just have to go on my own and keep following whatever interests me.

     

    Thanks for checking in.

    #157850
    apples333
    Participant

    Hi Alexa,

    I understand your worries. When I left my town I kept looking at street signs and little things like that and romanticising them. According to the internet (lol!) it takes about 2 years to feel comfortable/happy in a new place. I think this transition will be very hard for you because A. It doesn’t sound like you want to do it, even though there are a lot of good things going that way and B. Your cat and all your neighbours and everyone else you know.  I don’t know the relationship with your daughter but I believe family has a special tie in your life that can bring you the most happiness and closeness to others. That’s something you don’t want to miss out on.

    I think moving will all and all better your life but you will have to realise that you will be sad, lonely and feel regretful about your decision but just give it time and hopefully being aware of these feelings will help you see them and not give into them as much.

    Age is just a number! It may be time for a new adventure!

    #157786
    apples333
    Participant

    This is such a sticky situation. I get why he moved. Young, not quite sure what to do and it’s an amazing city. But there is such a bad stigma on girls moving for boys, especially at the age we are at. I have always felt like I’ve had to gain his respect and keep him intrigued. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life tiptoeing around him hoping that he still wants me after a few years. I don’t know if I’m over analysing. But I also didn’t want him to date me for 7 years and then marry me because I have always been there and this seems right.

    He still might move to me in a few months. But still, I’m not sure. Nothing is definite. He isn’t giving me a straight answer and I’m afraid to even bring it up. I feel like I almost have to play it cool and act like I don’t really care to make him interested. Idk if its the situation or if it’s the way boys minds work. They want to earn something and work hard for it. If I am waiting here, telling him every day that I want him to move here and miss him so much, I think he is the type of boy that would run away from that.

    He still doesn’t know how much I’m worth to him and that makes me feel unappreciated and disrespected. I want someone that is making plans and telling me clearly what they want and how they are going to make it happen. I still feel like an option to him. But I have to be fair because moving for someone is a big deal. And it kind of makes you feel like crap! lol

     

    #150690
    apples333
    Participant

    I think we do need to have a serious conversation about everything. Are you supposed to know 100% that you want to marry this person? Sometimes I have doubts and wish he would be different. The problem is is that he doesn’t even see that he needs to treat me better or appreciate me more. Even when I tell him exact moments where I feel disrespected or unappreciated it doesn’t change. Or are my standards and expectations too high? Or have I gone too easy on this boy and we have gotten comfortable? I don’t want a perfect guy who only thinks of me all day but I want someone that knows when they have a good thing in their life when they do and will do anything to keep it. But I think it’s only human to take something for granted and always be thinking the grass is always greener.

    We talked and he is thinking about moving here! It’s great! Some of my worries are that I won’t have enough time to date other guys before he moves here. I force myself to date others but I want to be 100% sure I’m in the right relationship. I guess there is no sure thing but if there are red flags in the beginning, I don’t want to look back and be like oh yeah it was obvious! But how do you know? I just want to be with someone not thinking about if this is how a relationship is supposed to be or if there is someone else better for me out there . . . I love him so much but I just want him to see me as a prize and sometimes I don’t feel like that. He is just a man and I know I can’t expect everything from him. it’s just my dad was such a great dad and husband that my sister and I have always had this problem. We are never fully satisfied in our relationships. But my mom says it’s just us not finding a way to be content.

    I know this is a whole other problem but your advice was so good and exactly what I needed to hear, even if I did not want to.

    Thank you

    #149795
    apples333
    Participant

    Thank you, Anita. Your advice really helps. I know that we need to talk about BIG things. Like marriage and a time frame. I don’t think he’ll be ready to make a real plan but he might be ready to just talk about it. I guess I still go back and forth with what I want. If he lived in the same place that I did there wouldn’t be all this pressure to figure it out so soon. I could see him as my husband but I also would want him to change some things. I know I’m not going to find the perfect prince charming and I don’t want that anymore. . . I guess it’s just not a good situation because I have to try and be sure about things and so does he and we aren’t quite ready to decide all that yet. But yes, its good that I have time to figure it out and I can talk to him and be honest about what I want in the future and what he says will determine a lot.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)