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Letting go I think IS the hardest part…I am still struggling with it myself. I lived with my ex too…we had a house and a “family”….My advice may not be the best but the letting go of expectations in our circumstances is the hardest. You probably are hoping or wanting things to go a different way? I too felt and still feel an enormous love for my ex that I have never experienced or felt before in my life and I have had a lot of relationships good and bad…I wanted to marry her!!! Sometimes it can be hard to decipher if our emotions (feel a crazy love) for someone else can overshadow the reality (it’s not been an easy relationship from the beginning)? Life is hard and it can be even harder trying to analyze or figure out what it is we are to do or learn from the experience. The email he sent may mean that when you love someone…regardless of what extent, deepness or intensity…you have to let other person go and “walk” away if you know it’s not working (even if you want it to so much) as to not cause the other person or yourself more harm or hurt. It means he cares & respects you enough to not want to hurt you anymore? I could be wrong? Believe me that I may share some of your conflicted emotions…I did not end my current/last relationship and am still probably clinging to a thread of some unrealistic hope that I will wake up and it will all just have been some kind of crappy dream…yet I wake up every day and realize it’s not. Then I realize that maybe the universe is trying to tell me something or push me in a direction I was fighting against?
As for Karma? Karma is a mystery to me If you feel like it may be than Karma is the knock on the door to let you know what you need to change or learn about yourself. You are going through a lot of life events don’t push yourself through it too fast you will just end up in the same place as you are now. You are rebuilding!!! Personally I think that your may be conflicted because you feel like you have NO control over the events that have taken place in this “worst” year? I could be wrong. I felt the same recently…and after hours and days of struggle to fix it or change things you get exhausted and start to lean on the idea of letting do…You can not change anyone other than yourself that includes how you react, feel, think about the events that rattle through our lives.
Your at the beginning and at the end of somethings in your life…Maybe the beginning of a new chapter and possibly at the end of some others. It is a very tender place to be so though it may hurt take a moment to reflect on how you feel accept that you have to be where you are for that is always where we are!!! That could be good times or bad times…it can be scary. “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” …for now I will end with what someone told me recently….”your mother would want you to have and find all the happiness this world has to offer you.” take a moment and meditate on that last sentence. Not all is yet lost. Live your life for you are alive!!! Even if you feel like you can’t let go…you can’t grab onto something new if you clinging onto something else at the same time. It takes time (not even sure maybe years?)
Give it time! It will be 2 years in the fall that my mom passed, Just over 2 months since I had to also move all my stuff out of the house….I can not say that things are better just different than what I wanted or expected. I guess life is like that? Try to remain focused if you can it can be hard…I think it’s in our nature to NOT want to let go of something we want or love we cling ferociously at times to it….but it’s is in NATURE that we see that things we want and love do leave our lives regardless of what we do or do not do.
Try and practice “letting go” a little at a time…it works! Maybe not the big things at first but the little things….Letting go is not giving up!!!…it’s simply the idea of letting go of expectations…the sole reason we become so hurt and angry. This is because we cling to the belief that events should go or play out a certain way…the way we want them to! I wish you goo energy going forward…as you have to! Remember you are not alone! We are all thinking feeling people who are alive. Just remember this is the first day of the rest of your life and live it! We never know when the last day will be. I hope some of this helps? Good luck.
Mine started Jan 1st!!! No really it did. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mother & everything else you have been going through. This may feel like the worst year of your life…yet it is still your life! I have gone through similar experiences in the past few years as well. Though your experience seems much more condensed in time than my own. I have felt that this year has been the worst year of my life as well. Take it back 5 years for me I lost a great job I loved right after my father passed away. Two years later my mother was diagnosed with cancer…which was a long and drawn out illness. She passed 2 years ago she was 69. Three months ago this year 2013 the woman I planned on marrying decided to end our relationship out of the air….Which I am still battling letting go with, yes i’m medicating to sleep, wishing I would not have dreams, etc….YOU have been through a lot! In this day and age it’s expected that we come to grips with things fast and figure it out fast. This can be confusing and sometimes harmful to the growth of who we are. I can not give you much advice but what I can tell you is that you need time! You need time and space to go through what your feeling. If your fiance/boyfriend is not part of the solution then you need to distance yourself from anything that is not going to bring a positive element into your life. We all fear the unknown…the unknown is where I am currently! It’s a scary cliff. Let me tell you though after such a loss as your mother and so suddenly I would regroup, meditate, and reflect on how that feels and what that means to your life!!! Life is changing sometimes it changes in a way we do not want or accept yet it goes on….and only later do we realize the lessons we were to learn from it. My advice is to take a step back from anything that is not helping you move forward and grow on your path for life is short! Practice “Letting Go” pick up some books by Pema Chodron…she has some gentile yet amazing insights on how to approach the unknown. Sometimes we get all wrapped up in trying to control every element in our lives and by letting go you can find some sense of relief. I think that human nature is to instill conflict in us as in our instincts VS. our emotions. Right now your reeling from the loss of your mother #1 which you have to face. #2 your trying to hang on to/fix/change or deal with your love, #3 jobs come and go like money…kind of like weather sometimes you dig it sometimes you don’t. Life is like the seasons…The Fall…Winter…Spring…and at last the Summer….kind of like the never ending life cycle! Life is a cycle….Please take the time you need to reflect on what you are going through…accept it learn from it and move on! Follow your path! Let go of expectations…just be~ Just be you and accept you where you are how you feel and be at peace with it….everything will work itself out if you can let go!~