@ Susan: Dear Susan, please know that you are not alone in your pain. Everyone posting on this thread experienced/experiencing the same thing. I know how dark it feels. For me, I missed him like crazy, all the plans of marriage, even naming our kids, all, have gone to pieces. The scariest thing have come to me, living or leading my future life with ruined plans, and even worse, without him by my side. I don’t know much about your story and how long your break up happened, but if you think you still did not try all things, then try it all. Some people say that when your lover wants to end a relationship, the best thing is to let that person go as trying is useless and will only make you feel bad later. But I don’t think so. Just try everything, and after all, if it doesn’t work, then at least you have nothing to regret about it. It’s also the slap of reality that we need to pick ourselves up and give up on false hope. I personally think that we as human are living lives in different lines, it’s great that our lines and our exes’ crossed at some point, but once that crossing passes, we have to move on with our lines. When the pain is still fresh, I thought to myself that okay, he has already moved on, so if I ever want us to get back together, I has to move on too. He’s no longer standing at the crossing point, and if I keep lingering there, I will achieve nothing but sadness. Say to yourself that you have to move on, and maybe, who knows, at some points in the future, your paths will cross again. For now, even though the false hope of getting back is still there, I felt better by doing some things:
1) No contact. Remove the person from your life, as much as possible
2) Keep myself busy so I don’t have time to think unnecessary things
3) Make plans without my ex in it, such as attending a class, joining some clubs and associations, making more friends, travelling
4) Make a list of healing activities and do it one by one (I’m still researching about it and will post it here when I’m done with my list)
5) Share your pain. Like here, in Tiny Buddha. It helped a great load knowing that there are many others suffering from the same pain
The last few words, I know how impossibly hard it is to surrender, but you do not have to do it abruptly, it doesn’t work like an On/Off switch. Just do not think about it right now and do things instead to distract yourself from it. Let me know if it helps. If it doesn’t, we can look onto other things to try! 😀

As I seem to cannot edit my first post, I posted a new one here instead 🙂 I want to keep this as a diary on my progress and to hear from people who are interested in the topic. Hope that can help some passerby too.

The after math and the pain: I do not want to whine too much about the pain after a breakup, as I’m more than sure that those who had deep and serious relationships ended how how hard it is. I cried myself to sleep so many nights that I could not remember, cried in the shower, even spend a few days just laying in bed and crying. The butterfly in the stomach of being in love turned to the gut wrenching pain of a broken soul. What’s worse than that, I’m approaching my nightmare of turning 30 and being considered as a hopeless leftover in my country’s culture. I had a cancelled engagement, broken future plans and non-stop flows of negative thinking…

Week 1-4: The worst weeks after a break up. Also the weeks that I committed many of the “DON’Ts” after breaking up: stalking on FB, desparately contacting in as many ways as possible, trying to find a way to get him back…. But the funny thing is, if I get to choose to undo and re-act things at that time, I will still do the same. I learned that it’s just natural to do so. They are even necessary steps for you to reach further post-breakup phases. Some DOs that I found helpful in my case during this time:
DO cry as much as you want. Tears exist for a reason. It will help lessen your pain, and it’s not your job to always be the strong one.
DO confide in your loved ones and close friends. They might scold you, but they love you no matter what. They will help you see that there are my others worthing your love instead of someone who chose to leave you.
DO spoil yourself for sometime, let your mind run free with What If, Why, or replay the time you had with your ex. It’s just natural to do so, and soon, your mind and body will get tired of the pain those memories bring and switch to something else. It’s also highly impossible to force your mind into NOT thinking about your ex, so let it be. It will stop for sure.
DO clear things out with your ex if you stil have questions unanswered. It’s a legit reason to contact them. It’s better to clear once and for all, than to let those unanswered questions keep you back from healing, or worse, give you reasons to reach out to your ex here and there.

Hi Dreamer,

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me!! 😀 I had a hard time just thinking about the pain that you had to endure. But your ex really don’t deserve such a great woman like you 🙂 You will surely find a man who can love you truly 🙂 I feel very encouraged. I am still in the healing process, but I am sure that I will do just great 😉