Maybe the message is right but the way it is said is wrong. After all, don’t we want the person to get over it? To get past this thing which is hurting them and keeping them from moving on? If a person is stuck in the past and continues to make more of the same mistakes. Creates more memories of hurt. Then what is a person trying to help to do? I know I have done wrong and was too abrasive in my posts. You have pointed this out very clearly. Seeing one go on and on about how terrible this person or that person is to them. Then to continue involving themselves in those people’s lives creating more hurt, more trauma? You know what the right thing for the person to do but they refuse to do it. It is like they are drowning in a pool of water and you give them a hand to get out of the pool but they refuse to take take your hand. They would rather drown in their own pain and sorrow.

Yes, it is harmful to say get over it. I have learned my lesson. Thanks for the guilt trip. Moving on.
Yeah, it doesn’t matter if the intent is good if the resulting action was bad. I get it. Moving on.

Dear Anita,
You did what you thought was right. And I admit I was pompous when commenting on Lily-Mae. We all create our own situations. And when they are self defeating, we need to get out from under it. (that was about me) Did not want it to sound like the idiot that I was saying this to her. She needs to see her own situation for what it is and then find a way to move forward. (We all do) That therapy or compassion that she needs or anyone with pain can’t come from me. No excuses. I am not a very compassionate person. So, you were right. I got angry for being told the truth about myself. And, with time and some space I can see I was wrong. But, even when someone does their time and pays for their transgressions, it doesn’t go away. And this is why some people move to find a fresh beginning. Staying here would bring Karma around to kick my butt.

My teacher said that karma is created by the person. Much like blowing up a balloon. Stop blowing, stop creating Karma then it all deflates and comes out. So I have created much Karma here. I see that when you bring up Lily-Mae. I have great feelings of kindness and support from everyone here. But, it is time to let go the balloon. I really must keep my word and leave.

Tommy

The king asked his advisors to help him remember that happiness and sadness are temporary events. So, the advisors made a ring with the inscription “This Too Shall Pass”. He could then look upon the ring in times of joy and sorrow and keep his perspective or balance.

Dear Anita,

I had forgotten about that thread. Unfortunately, she had created her own issues and does need to move on. I was too rude and pushy to give advice even if it may have been correct advice. The approach should have had more kindness. The apology was sincere. And, people when hurt will strike out. My fault. But, I wasn’t talking about her in my previous post. As the monk who dropped the woman by the creek, I have let that go. Why do you still carry it? Do you wish to scold me? I am wrong, yes. I know and i acknowledge that. I am sorry.

A former casual friend, Tara, is a person who transitioned from a man to woman. In a conversation about Trump signing an executive order to stop men from competing in women’s sports, I stated that men who transitioned and then competed in women’s sport have a physical advantage. Giving examples being Renee Richards and Lia Thompson. She wanted me to site sources and provide proof. She then went into a rant where she accused me of being transphobic and full or prejudice and hatred. Cursed at and berated. I apologized. Then accused of just not being truly remorseful and just … whatever. I apologized a few more times. I could have just walked away. She has no meaning in my life. But, I apologized. So, no choice but to lose a friend and walk away. A short instance of expressing an opinion. Guess there must have been a way to be kinder in my expression of this. Or maybe to not to bring it up at all?? Yeah, I regret saying anything.

It is a tough thing to bring compassion with advice. For too much compassion, only helps a person stay trapped in their own self made prison. And too little compassion offends everyone. And so, I do believe that I am not a person to give advice. And probably shouldn’t even give my opinion about things. When I read something with a bias one way, then I tend to lean the other way. This gets me into more trouble. People are blessed to have people here who really care and try hard to help others. They make friends who care. Anyway, I have said my peace. And think it best I don’t express myself anymore. Don’t know who I might offend next. I wish everyone well and to have a great life.

Tommy.

Note: No matter how far we go or transition, there will always be some hint of the past that follows us. I am now tagged as the idiot who shot off his mouth and hurt those who were already wounded. Time to move on and find a place where I can start fresh.

Hello Anita,
Sorry for being confrontational before. Something irrational happened. It came to light when talking with someone. Their personal battles made me a .. well let us say that she was not appreciative of my opinion. Was not being what she said. Even apologized. Still she insisted I wasn’t being genuine. I have no prejudice nor hatred in my heart. Tried several times to apologize. Still she holds me in contempt.

It becomes impossible to truly reach someone who holds no forgiveness. I can not change her feelings. This made me very sad. I don’t want to be the enemy. I don’t want to be the cause of her suffering.

I know I wasn’t wrong. And my teacher doesn’t care who is right. It doesn’t matter. Kindness was the point or lesson. So. It seems a tough lesson for me. To combine kindness with an ability to have others see forgiveness.

Much like the two monks who traveled. Upon seeinga woman at a creek, one monk picks her up and helps her across. The other monk could no longer hold his tongue said we monks are not to touch women. Asked why did you do that. The monk answers, I left her at the creek. Why do you still carry her.

She here I am stuck holding onto the woman unable to find forgiveness in myself. Trapped in my thoughts. I have not gotten far. But, I can see the door has cracked open.

I am sorry for my rude behavior. Hope you can find forgiveness. Not for me but to forgive and to move forward.

Tommy

Death is inevitable but it is not our fate.Each round is another lesson.

The eight fold path seems like an impossible goal. More of an attempt to be good. A fake it til you make it. I could never be that good or nice. Lately I have seen myself in others. All the good, bad and ugly. Not happy with what I saw. But, listening to teachers and good advice has brought comfort.

As with AA, there are steps one needs to make along the way to recovery. So, I must apologize ro all those people I have offended in my life and on this forum.

For, I do see things differently. Like there is being kind in interactions. But, it is a double edge sword. For kindness without boundaries, leads to encouraging the trap of a self made prison. This has made me to rebel. My teacher told me it is possible to have kindness in all things. But without seeing the truth, it is like walking in darkness. It will lead nowhere.

So, I have found that much time spent in meditation leads to the awareness to become free of thoughts. To disengage in mind. for mind reflects what is in front of it. Keep this reflection clean and light eventually will shine.

It is the journey that leads us home. Learn or repeat the trauma over and over in another lifetime. I wish you all well.

Dear Lily-Mae,

Please accept my heart felt apology. I am sorry for saying things which might have hurt you. I do hope that you find help to make your life better.

Dear Anita,

Thanks you for turning this into a hostile environment. I do hope you get me banned from here. This will make your perfect record of helping people into a loss. Your rude post will remain in my memory even with my dementia. You will remain as the person who pushed me over the hill. Thanks so much.

Hello Anita,

Yes, you are right. People in pain do not make sense. Suicidal people make the least amount of sense. Sometimes you can be spot on. But, you are not here. You show sympathy and empathy and I guess that is what these people come here for. To be coddled and told that they deserve better. I only reflected what she herself wrote. Told her she needs to change. Sometimes people need a kick in the butt to realize what they are doing is wrong. Move on. You read this one sided story and say poor girl. I see her doing this to herself and that she needs to help herself out of this. Cruel words indeed. Nothings has changed. But, my apology is real. I am sorry for opening my words to someone in pain and suicidal.

Hmm, you offer me an opportunity to start my own thread? I guess I must have missed where I need your permission. I do not have a marriage problem. But, I give my one sided story and you think there is a problem. I react to people straight forward and you believe I am having anger issues. Are you projecting your own abuses on me?

No one said that she chose to be abused and therefore, deserves to be abused. No one deserves to be abused. Absolutely no one. But, if you come to a forum then opinions will come out. Even if they are not to your liking. You want to sugar coat it. Okay, I’ll leave it to you. Live long and prosper.