Also, very burned relates to his difficult family relationships, especially his mother and feeling unloved by her and not letting the last two women get close. That’s all the information I have to form that view on.

Mark, Anita, , Inky – thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. Mark, my first love was 24 years ago. I was attracted to his ruddy complexion, boyish good looks and sweet and funny nature. He felt safe to me.  I knew him as we both resided at the same college. On reflection, my gut was telling me at the time that I was second choice for him and I was very surprised when he made a move on me as I was just ending my relationship with another. Thank you for encouraging me to look at this. I see parallels!!

Anita, thank you for the warm welcome! I feel this may be the new adding to the old which is why I am pulling away hard right now. As if the picture I saw was a reminder to my psyche to exercise caution. The original guy was emotionally immature. Not sure about this man. I think he is very burned, that is for sure.

Inky, I love your response. Just beautiful, thank you.

This has given me plenty to muse over. I truly am grateful as each of you have provided a different take and they could not be more perfect. Team Buddah ? xx

Hi Anita

I think I understood the point you were making – that I’m drawn to people who are not supportive? I acknowledged this in my final sentence. I agree with you, something to explore.

BB

Hi Anita

I responded to Poppy’s post because she asked me to – she also went into some detail in responding to my request, asked many questions and offered suggestions and advice.

Your last post to me was supportive in the first sentence, thereafter you posted a view that my friends actions were not caring -if I’ve interpreted you correctly? I genuinely did not realise that you would have liked me to respond and I’m sorry if I’ve caused you offence.

Over time I have noticed that often, when you post to people you invite a response, I assumed that you did not ask for one because you did not want/need one. However I was glad to see you posted again

I think your final paragraph may be quite true and a pattern I need to address.

Thank you for the responses, all quite different – all have given me food for thought.

Omni1 – My answer in the past has been to cut ties in friendships where I feel ‘friends’ are neglectful of my feelings. However, this is not a pattern I want to follow. Friends are not easy to replace, especially as you age, people have their established friendship groups and I find it is harder to make close friendships. I would prefer to try and resolve the problem – but in a way that does not push people away but they hopefully realise something is amiss and want to rectify this. I do not feel ready to cut ties in this situation, but what you say about finding new friends, I think is something I will put effort into.

Anita – thank you 🙂 I am calmer. I went for a walk and worked through my negative emotions on paper. The three women are not close friends, they are just friends. They do not rely on me for their emotional needs, that is not to say we don’t share feelings about situations in our lives, but they have established friendships/partners/family who meet their emotional needs.

Friend J I saw before my birthday, I suggested we go out to a country tea room for a walk and tea and cake. She let me drive, she said she had not got me a present, she let me pay for my own cake and tea. When we got back, she put her photos on social media with no mention of me, it read as if she had done something completely separate to me. I felt wounded. My friend L lives 2 hours away. She came up this weekend to stay with her daughter and invited me to join her with her daughter, doing what her daughter wants. I politely declined. Her daughter then texted me to say that my friend L wanted to treat me for my birthday! What she meant was pay for my cake at a place they had chosen to suit themselves.

My friend D works in the same office – she was the one who left the (wrapped) book on my desk. She was ill over my birthday.

I had texts and FB messages on my birthday. Friend J rang me, but she had (annoyingly) forgotten (from when we were together the day before) that I was driving up to Surrey for the day.

Inky – Are you saying that you think my friends will feel resentful if I let them know that I feel hurt because they did (and do generally) not consider my feelings in our friendships? I hear what you say and I am pondering on it. I think if I gave the book back, friend D who gave it to me would not understand why and would feel incredibly hurt – which is not my aim.

I think you are right, we teach people how to treat us. What I need to figure out is how to do this . I don’t feel that my friends have been mean to me deliberately, just completely ignorant of my feelings. Thank you for your response, it has helped to clarify things a great deal 🙂 Blessings to you too!

Hi Anita

My fear is of letting her go. Also fear of being a failure in yet another relationship and fears that I will be alone completely and have nobody to share good times with.

Thank you for your supportive words above, they mean a lot. Its a very negative place in my head at the minute, my sense of failure in relationships is heightened with the time of year.

BB