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BakedbeanParticipantThanks Anita, good advice. I’m actually scared of letting this go. I’ve got to do something though.
BakedbeanParticipantThanks M 🙂 It is very kind of you to be so supportive to me (not my thread). I just posted to help the OP realise that the advice others were giving was great and I hope she updates to let us know how it went.
Have a great day
BB
BakedbeanParticipantThis advice is top notch. I fell foul of this situation only recently. My ex wanted to meet up and be ‘friends’. I trusted him to be sensitive and I was prepared to make it clear that I did not want more than friendship. Unfortunately he chose to talk about subjects which were like a knife through my heart. I deflected as much as I could bear until I got up and left. I wish I had had the foresight to set the boundaries at the start of the meeting.
He then emailed me 2 days later to say he had a good time and would like to do it again!! I left him in no doubt that he had crossed several lines and we would not be doing it again. I was painfully reminded of why we are no longer together.
Hope all went well for you.
Take care
BB
BakedbeanParticipantHi May
I feel like there is an emotional disconnect here with you both. Its as if he does not sense your emotional needs and you are trying so hard because you want this relationship . I think it would be good for you to notice your own emotional responses and trust in them and let them guide you as you move forward. You can ask yourself, does this relationship make me feel good? How much of the time? Can I trust this man to care for my heart and how I am feeling? Is this the relationship I want?
I feel that it is ok for him to go MIA for a short time when, as a doctor, his life gets busy and demanding, as long as he does not leave it too long to reconnect. However, the constant changing of plans to suit him suggests that he is not factoring in your needs.
You come across as a caring and altruistic person who has a lot to give, stay strong and trust in yourself 🙂
I hope this bit of advice is of some help to you.
Take care
BB
February 7, 2016 at 12:26 am in reply to: How do I overcome the heartbreak of this one-sided relationship? #95172BakedbeanParticipantHi
Firstly sending you hugs. Heartbreak is the worst. I think the poster above really nailed it. I would say definitely get him to pick up his stuff asap. Remove all physical reminders of him, don’t necessarily throw them but out then out of sight. Google broken heart and soak up the advice. That helped me heaps.
Forgive yourself for dating another guy. You did nothing wrong!
I’d say it’s important to note that this guy has been unreliable, uncommunicative, unloving and unfair.
Use this time of acute pain to give yourself love, kindness and friendship. What would you say to a friend who was going through this?
The emotions will come and go, they will lessen over time – time is definitely the best healer –
Sending much love
BB
BakedbeanParticipantHi sbtravels
I have struggled with this in the past. I work a 9-5 job and have a 45 minute commute each way. I also have my own flat, garden and allotment plus there are places I want to visit and a hundred different things I would like to do and experience in my free time. At times (spring/summer) this has felt overwhelming.
My solution has been to give myself a break.
When I notice that I am putting pressure on myself to keep the home tidy and clean, the garden and allotment weeded, fix things that need fixing, I remind myself that it is not necessary to be perfect, or to maintain high standards all the time, that I need to make downtime for myself and that there will always be another day. I have a discussion with myself about how I will feel if I put off my hair cut for another week, don’t wash the kitchen floor, let the weeds get 6 inches higher before I pull them. I guess what I am saying is I am learning to put myself first and the result of that is that I run around less, my anxiety has reduced and I am more relaxed.
I hope this resonate with you and is helpful
BB
BakedbeanParticipantHi Evaber
I’m sorry to hear your ex has contacted you and sstirred up old emotions and doubts. I echo all Anita has said. It’s good that he has had expressed regret. The key thing here is that he cheated on you. This would be something to focus on and when deciding what it is that you want and need. His problems are exactly that. You owe him nothing.Spend your energy focusing on yourself and your family.
Best wishes
BB
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