Hi Tati,

I have been there – believe me! (you can read about my “dilemma” in a thread called “The long break-up”).

The most important thing I want to tell you:
Your neediness was nothing that came out of a bad intention or an “evil” heart and you were a “slave” to your ego that was fed by fear and anger.
Don’t blame yourself anymore for what has happened and leave the past in the past, as you can’t change it anymore.
Forgive yourself for what you (think) you have done, as you weren’t able to do it any other way.

By doing this you allow yourself to heal from the wounds and your fear will slowly subside – yes, it sadly takes time!
Give your heart, your mind and your soul time to heal.

You made a horrible experience and the pain seems to be unbearable.
Push through that pain!!!

The truth is, that it is really all about self esteem and loving yourself.
Because nobody else than you can really take on the responsibility of loving you.

I found lots of help to understand my real underlying problems in the following book, that I can only highly recommend!
– Nathaniel Branden, Six pillars of self esteem

And if you like it a little bit more spiritual here is another recommendation that taught me a lot about the relationship between fear and love
– Paul Ferrini, The gospel according to Jesus

You are not alone in this and I can only second what Stephen wrote.

Lars