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Bea M

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    Bea M
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    I am in my 40s now. It sounds like my situation was similar to yours. I started college at a young age but even when I was with kids my age, I just couldn’t relate. My mother raised me and I consider her a very sour person. She is bitter about everything. I tried to remove people from my life who weren’t good for me, like so called friends who would be mean to me or others, and I found that I was much more alone than I wanted to be. There were other factors that left me feeling like an outsider. My family is ‘old money’ but my mother was extremely poor. I didn’t fit in around either group. A few years ago I found myself living in a very rural community. The landscape was beautiful. There just wasn’t anyone who I could make friends with. The handful of neighbors within 20 miles all had to work full time out, out of town jobs to get by. None had any significant college education or were very creative. Those are the types of people I connect with. I enjoy higher thought. Small talk isn’t my thing. I had to learn that about myself and accept my differences as differences, not failures. I have the luxury of being home full time unlike most of my peers. Eventually it got to me and I had to change my location. I am in the city now but haven’t been able to make a real connection. I am working at it. My best advice is to remember that situations are temporary. You will eventually be able to distance yourself from your parents fighting. Even if you find yourself alone again, you can change where you are and who you associate with. It may take time, but you can craft your own life. It sounds like you want your parents or someone to understand how you feel. They may not be able to. My mother has a very hard time understanding me on every level. I have to find that with others or within myself.

    Also remember that at your age, hormones are shifting and all that. You may be more emotionally sensitive at this time. Things really stabilized for me in my 20s. The thirties were pretty good too. I’m not so much liking my 40s.

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