i’ve never been the type to have guy friends, i rarely talk to men as friends, I’m an outgoing person but I’m really awkward when it comes to dating men, most of them I don’t really find attractive or easy to talk to, I’d rather have a conversation with my coworkers make or female, than a conversation with a guy just to be friends or get to know them, if that makes sense. My ex boyfriend was friends with my best friend and he started chatting on Facebook with me, and I thought he was just being like all the other guys that just text you and then go away, but I let him in because he was a friend’s friend and I didn’t want to be rude, I guess I also was not treating him like a real friend and then we started texting and he told me he was interested in me, I didn’t consciously started talking to him thinking about dating. I’m not into chasing superficial relationships, I like to spend my time with people that give me something, that I can be myself with, that I’m going to really have in my life for a long time, I hate superficial conversations with strangers. Is it bad to be like that? should I start changing? I consider myself a social butterfly but I don’t spend time on meeting new people and maintaining those relationships.

And can you tell me when is it going to happen? 3 months from now?  am I gonna still love him even if I know our thing is over? sometimes there is this thought coming to me that we will be together again even though I know it’s not gonna happen, it’s like a feeling coming from me remembering the him from the past, I know it’s just my mind playing games on me because I know we won’t be together again and that I will find someone better, but when these thoughts come uninvited I get scared cos what if I can’t stop loving him? I want to feel nothing for him but there’s this feeling of attachment to the thought of him, it’s like he is supposed to be in my life, but I want him gone so I can be happy again.

Im not hoping for it to resume, I just want to forget him and find someone who loves me, I realized the whole time I was with my ex I was scared of him leaving me and I shouldn’t feel like that, I should feel loved not scared. He had a previous 5 year relationship which ended because he cheated, I met him 6 months after the break up and he was feeling really bad for cheating and wanted to change, I think he fell really fast for me because he thought he could be faithful to me not because he really loved me, or at least that’s the conclusion I’ve come to, he broke up because he realized he didn’t really love me like he thought and didn’t want to end up cheating on me, and so the whole relationship was him saying he couldn’t do it anymore and me feeling scared that he would leave me if we didn’t see each other for one month. I’ve seen lots of ldr work out so it was not the long distance, it was us, we didn’t work out and it would’ve probably been the same if we lived in the same city, it just would’ve taken longer. I know even if i love him it wouldn’t work.

Now i’m in this weird state where I’m like numb, I don’t get excited but I don’t get too sad, when am I going to stop thinking about him completely? I’m planning a trip abroad to feel excited again but what if I stay numb for a long time? right now I know that I can feel sad or just numb, I don’t get what’s the state that I’m at right now, am I getting over him or am I just stuck? right now I’m just living day by day, I feel like my dreams and desires are gone or hidden somewhere and I can’t  find them. My plans were to live in the same city with him, not because he was there but because I love the city, but now I don’t even feel like waiting for the day I can live there because my dream of having a relationship with him in the city I love is gone, I know my normal self would still be excited to move to that city but I just don’t feel it right now and it bothers me, I wanted to live there even before I met him so why am I feeling so disheartened?

Thanks a lot, i have a lot of friends, but somehow reading advice from a stranger makes me feel better. I guess it is because I always trust the internet to give me the answers to what I don’t understand. I have this calm feeling right now, I know it’s just temporary but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

i want to give up on him now, he already told me that the love he had faded away with the distance. I dont want to wait for him to find someone new cos i know he will very soon, so i want it to go away now. i really want to. December wont bring the love back, its gone from his heart, and i have no business loving someone who already told me he doesn’t love me. I’ve been trying to breath, make plans for a trip, try to get excited about something, but then I find myself thinking about him with someone else and my heart sinks again. There are times when I feel a little bit happy and then I get scared because I know I’m gonna feel sad again and then of course I start feeling bad. I don’t get it. I also started journaling, I hope it works, I’m doing every trick on the book but I still feel scared. it’s just so weird to be feeling this broken, I used to be able to control my feelings but this is just getting out of my hands.

I wish i could really stop the feelings. They hurt a lot. Thank you for your words.

I guess that makes him an unstable lifetime partner? but what to do with the feeling of wanting to be with him? I know I can possibly find someone better but the feeling of missing him is so unbearable. I’ve never had this kind of constant sadness and depression.