Just a note that the people who have caused us pain or decieved us can only continue to inflict that hurt upon us for as long as we allow them to!

I spent over 6 months in a deep, dark depression following a 3 year releationship in which my boyfriend cheated on me and also became addicted to crack coccaine. The secrets and deception almost tore my heart out from my chest. I felt a part of me had literally died. I could only drag myself to work and then go straight home to isolate and comfort myself with junk food and cigarettes. My eyes would fill with tears at any given moment, and I hated the world for taking what I thought was my one true love away from me. Today, I wish I hadn’t wasted all that time greiving for my supposed “loss”. I pushed a lot of my friends and interests away and continued to punish myself for something that wasn’t my fault in the first place! All I can say is that my life has gone on just fine, and the only way to win the fight is one day (or even minute) at a time. Continue pursuing new friendships and nurturing yourself! Don’t punish yourself. Even though you are feeling rejection, anger, resentment and a deep sense of loss, it is best to keep moving forward with your dignity in tact. People cheat. It’s that simple. It is NOT your fault and you are still very deserving of love and happiness, but those needs have to be met within YOU before you can become involved with someone else again. My advice is to avoid using unhealthy relationships, alcohol or substance abuse to mask your pain. Life really does go on, and you will be okay, even though right now it’s probably hard to believe. Hang in there!!!

Love is a complicated thing, and there are many types of love! I have loved a few men in my life and no two experiences were ever alike. Relationships, especially those of an intimate and romantic nature, are so carefully woven together with every word, embrace, shared experience and challenge we face together as a “couple”. It is my opinion that all too often, we allow the lines to become blurred which divide our own needs from the obligations we may feel toward our partner and the relationship as a whole. I just left a 3-year relationship (2 of which we were engaged) and let’s just say we will not be taking that plunge down the aisle together! However, I am trying to take the good from my experience and even though it was a turbulent and painful ending, I’ve come to realize this: Everyone we meet comes into our lives for a reason, whether its to walk part of our journey with us, or to be with us for life. I think that many of us make the mistake of missing the “red flags” or ignoring the “gut feelings” we sometimes have that try to tell us that perhaps this person is no longer the one for us… Sure, he might be very nice, and supportive toward you, but ask yourself this (and be honest when you do): “Is this the best for ME?” Sometimes we don’t want to hear the answer because it would mean having to give up our comfort, security, and to replace it with new people and/or surroundings that will reflect us more accurately as we are RIGHT NOW. There were many times in my own relationship where I secretly wondered to myself if it was truly right, and if I had been willing to be a little more honest with myself and leave the situation sooner, it likely wouldn’t have spiraled into what eventually became a dark and negative fallout between two really great people who were just really wrong for eachother! Follow your gut. Don’t be afraid. You know what’s best.