Forum Replies Created
January 27, 2024 at 4:21 pm #427317
the only thing I can figure is that you didn’t pull away from her completely when she wanted space. – yes, I didn’t I just limited it to dropping a text each day at that time, reminding her that if she needs something I’ll be there and summarising my days.
How are you, Blazkowich, sleeping any better??? – no, attachment is less now, because of the way she treated me, but I am still unable to sleep because I keep thinking stuff like: did I too much? Was I clingy? was I too caring?January 26, 2024 at 4:55 pm #427303
Almost every person by the time he/ she is a teenager, has been rejected by a romantic love interest. It hurts when this happens, but almost every single person experiences it. You will overcome the pain and you will find love elsewhere. –yes this is the reason I never dated anyone in my teens, I was just afraid of getting heartbroken.
Her clarity is helpful because it leaves no doubt in one’s mind where her interest is not. – yeah it sucks how people change, mentally I am driven to just get away from this person though there’s still some emotional attachments.
Tbh, I am kinda afraid of loving too much now, because she once told me she was in a toxic relationship for 4 years, I sometimes reflect am I that bad that a toxic relationship lasted for 4 years but mine where I was always supportive lasted hardly 4 months?
I am afraid of loving anymore and idk what to do. Because I think if I pulled away the first time she told me she wanted space, atleast she would’ve known my value and kept me around but I still offered help and stuck around. I have lost a lot of self-respect to save this relationship just for the other party to disrespect me like that, I feel pathetic. This wasn’t even a proper relationship it was long-short distance relationship. Did I do too much to drive her away or make her value me less?January 26, 2024 at 11:01 am #427284
I wish you wouldn’t contact her, but it’s not my choice to make. If you contact her, let me know what happens, will you?
Actually a good thing I did, the more I did, the more irritated and cold she sounded which kind of overwrote her image in my head.
She made it clear she doesn’t want any sort of relationship and even if she wants one in future it won’t be me. I am just so disappointed in her, the way she disrespected me, and my efforts. I cannot waste another second on this person, I have decided to just move on and find a better partner in future who actually knows how to treat me.January 24, 2024 at 1:36 pm #427219
Thanks, I’ll keep you updated. I’ll be a away for a while.January 24, 2024 at 12:42 pm #427217
You shared before that you didn’t push your efforts to help her, that you gave her all the space that she needed, that you were gentle, kind and patient with her… so, no aggression on your part, right?
Yeah, never, even when she used to irritate me I wouldn’t shout at her or badmouth her.
I’ll soon contact her (maybe for the last time) and give it another go but I’ll make it clear that I would want a healthy relationship where communication is the key. I know she’ll refuse but I’ll ask anyway so in future when I look back I can tell myself that I didn’t give up. I want to move on and detach myself from her but am unable to do so, because even if she agrees for giving it another go and her behaviour doesn’t change there’s no use, I can’t waste my time on a person who doesn’t accept my support or atleast acknowledge it, who stonewalls me for days and treats me like I am bothering them. At the end of the day I am not some omnipotent being who’s showering someone with unconditional love and support, I have my own feelings too, I never expected reciprocation from her in these times but she dropped the standards even lower. So I think I should at the same time try to detach myself from this person and look for someone who will actually appreciate me. The only thing which is making me not move-on are the plans we made, the promises, her smile and her voice.January 24, 2024 at 12:11 pm #427214
She’s close to her mom, but not her dad, her dad is bipolar and is aggressive. I don’t know how can she even relate me to him I have never shouted at her or been aggressive in any way.January 24, 2024 at 11:37 am #427209
she projected that parent into you
Oh that does remind me she told me that I am not her dad once.January 23, 2024 at 8:58 pm #427194
Anita I don’t know what’s the problem, my brain is overclocked, do you know I have read a total of 3 books on relationships and 1 on psychology in a matter of 2 weeks, it’s like it is looking for answers on what I could’ve changed or try to in future. A huge part of me wants her back and a part of me is telling me she isn’t worth it. My messed up sleep schedule forces me to skip on my studies too and everything has turned to shite right now. The only regular thing I am doing is work out that’s it. How can I not give up on love when I got rejected for the same cause that my love was burdening? I hear my friends say it’s because I loved her that much she lost interest or something along the lines. I am just so exhausted and yet I cannot sleep.January 23, 2024 at 7:36 pm #427192
I am really confused and afraid of loving anymore, in future relationships I don’t think I’ll be able to love someone as much as I did here. Today I had another sleepless night because I kept thinking about her.January 23, 2024 at 5:24 pm #427190
Did you repeatedly mention to her your efforts, how difficult those efforts were for you to make, how hard you tried and suggested that she was ungrateful, anything like that?
Nah not even a single time, I understood her so I never told her that she isn’t giving her enough. She herself kept apologising that she isn’t giving enough and everytime she did I told her “it’s fine just focus on your mental well-being for now, that’ll be enough for me and if you need anything I’ll always be here”. Infact I never did something for her if she doesn’t want it, I don’t wanna shove my help on her face that’s why I always asked her if she wants something. Only this time when I contacted her friend I really wanted to do something because Christmas was coming. I thought maybe I will bake up a cake or gift her something or atleast order something for her to eat if she doesn’t want to meet me.
But I never ever mentioned making efforts the only time I did was after the breakup because I was really hurt. Infact I even told her, I don’t care if she doesn’t reciprocate at all, but I want to know how she’s doing cause if I don’t know that I get worried.January 23, 2024 at 4:53 pm #427188
but the great majority of your long- distance relationship took place over the phone
Also the reason behind this is 3 months back I was really far away so we couldn’t possibly meet often, it’s just after I closed the distance and before her cat died we met twice and planned that we’ll meet every other weekend. We made a lot of plans, it’s all gone now. If she told me to wait for months I would’ve, but she just threw me away like I don’t matter at all, I even asked her if the relationship is burdening or is it me she said it’s the relationship, then why is she cutting me off as well?January 23, 2024 at 4:49 pm #427187
“but the great majority of your long- distance relationship took place over the phone (you saw her in-person only 3 times), therefore, it was appropriate for her to break up with you over the phone.”
Oh it’s her actually who kept in insisting on closing the distance, she was the one who made it official and serious as well. I would’ve waited for a lot more in person dates to get serious but it didn’t take much. Yes over a video call is less intimate than in person but we were on the same page regarding our relationship. I put in a lot of efforts, even closed the distance between us, as I said earlier, I selfishly wanted to care for her as much as possible because whenever I saw her wether in person or video call I would feel so bad it hurted me. I don’t know if it’s attachment or love, I have been in no contact the attachment is less now but I still choose her, because I made promises, I made plans too.
“this person heavily guilt-tripped me, using their efforts to make me feel indebted.”
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I am so sorry that happened to you, but are you sure? Now I am having second thoughts if she considers my efforts as guilt tripping too.</p>January 23, 2024 at 2:23 pm #427181
I have had a long history of anxiety related issues but I fixed them, but now they have returned after the breakup I don’t know how.
She disrespected me by breaking up over a phone call and not respecting all my efforts but I know she’s not at a place mentally (just like I am right now), I know she isn’t because she’s avoiding confrontation. But I hate it that I am still attached to her and I have feelings for her, it’s just hurting me in the end.January 23, 2024 at 12:04 pm #427175
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Maybe you have been unhappy with your living circumstances for a long time and the relationship with her was a way for you to distract yourself from this unhappiness. And now that the relationship has ended, you lost that distraction. Any truth to this?</p>
Nope I was actually happy before and during the relationship, I was growing even before the relationship but ever since the breakup it’s just unbearable.
I am currently seeing a therapist but not offline, I don’t know how to even continue living without her. I get this strong urge to just call her but the way she disrespected me and threw me away and I know if I do call her she’ll hurt me again.January 22, 2024 at 3:27 pm #427156
Ok I thought I am moving on but it’s been hitting too much lately I am having sleepless nights which ruins my whole day and I stay in bed a lot of time, my condition is just pathetic I don’t even feel like a man only productive thing I have been doing is going to gym but other than that everything has turned to shit and I don’t know what to do anymore. It just hurts a lot and I am just really pissed.