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October 13, 2023 at 8:32 am #422930JasmineParticipant
I can really empathize with your experience. I am going through a very similar thing.
I have been dating a nice man who is very understanding of my emotions. We have fun times togther, but something feels off and has for the entire time we’ve been together (one year). The challenge is that he just isnt right for me. He’s just not the man I wanted to be with. I often try and focus on the positive things and try to make it work.
Recently ive been wanting to improve my self worth. Ive been seeing a therapist and I realize that Im willing to sacrifice my own happiness to have someone in my life. My boyfriend is a good man. He’s honest and tries hard in our relationship. He’s been here for me through tough times and he loves me (and I love him). But we are just not aligned. (We are in the process of breaking up)
If youre anything like me, you probably want to hold on and make things work. But I really want to stress to you that your desires for your future matter. Those are called non-negotiables. You deserve to be he happiest and most beautiful version of you, and if that means exploring the acting world and living in the city, why should you give that up for a guy?
There will be other good guys, and other good guys who love acting and love the city.
Now, I also have noticed I have very specific expectations.Things like exactly what the relationship should look like, or exactly what the person should love about me are unrealistic. Those expectations will leave you disappointed every time. No one will love you the way you love yourself, they just wont notice those things because they dont experience their beauty like you do.
What isn’t unrealistic is being able to share a life with someone, a future with someone and to feel loved. If you are an actor or an artist you may be very expressive of love and you may want to receive that as well. Im an artist and a poet and experience love in a profound way. My bf does not. For some people, love is about the commitment, time and moments shared together. About bein there for someone. Those things are silent. He may be able to work on it, but he has to actively do that. (I suggest asking him)
If you need something different from what youre getting with him, that ok.
Those things like words of affirmation are things you both compromise on, thats healthy. Where he works on it and you appreciate and have patience for the growth.
But your desired future isnt something you should just throw away. Thats a place where you have a little wiggle room, but the difference between the city and the country is big.
You deserve to be happy. Sometimes that means letting go of things that aren’t aligned with you.
Also, strongly consider if this person would be someone you would be really good friends with if there was no possibility for dating. How much do you share in common? Are your paths in the same colour scheme (all warm tones or maybe cold) or are you a red and he’s a green? -Just things to consider
Good luck! Sending love 💗October 13, 2023 at 8:32 am #422929JasmineParticipant
Im sorry youre experiencing this. Making decisions like this can be so challenging. And it sounds like you feel a lot of pressure to make the right decision. That is very stressful.
Firstly, I want to tell you, everything is going to be ok. No matter what you choose, you will be alright, you will be safe, and you will support yourself. No matter what you choose, you can figure out how to make it work for you. And even if it doesn’t, you will figure out how to change things. You are capable and resourceful. You reached out for help here, that is amazing! 🙂
I know you feel very stressed out about this. Since you currently have a job, it can be helpful to allow yourself to take a break from thinking bout your problem.
Make time to do something creative for yourself, put on your favourite music, make some jewelry, do a collage, draw a picture, put together cute outfits, whatever pulls your mind off of this subject.
What you re experiencing is a natural expression of anxiety. You have a choice to make and your mind wants to solve this problem. But when you cant solve it and youre going in circles, this is called rumination.
The best way to stop ruminating is to do another activity that gets your mind off of it. A creative outlet is an excellent way to vent feelings, and to give yourself some love. It can e helpful to come at it from a fresh perspective. So even though it may be hard, take a break from your problem.
Once youve gotten some head space, ask yourself.
-if someone I really loved and cared about, someone whose happiness I was very invested in was experiencing this, what would I tell them to do?
-Consider their sleep, their lifestyle, their goals and priorities.
-If the person you love has to choose something they dont fully love, how could you help them (yourself) to have a good life none-the-less.
Lastly, Caroline, no job has to last forever. You can always stay where you are and keep looking, or you can take the new one and keep an eye out for something that makes you happier. You’re gonna be alright 🙂
You deserve to be happy. And remember, it’s okay to change your mind, youre not stupid and theres nothing bad about you. You’re just making a big decision, and that can be hard. But thats ok.
Everything really will be alright Caroline 🙂
-I am a mental health worker and have gone through my own fair share of challenges with indecision. I find the best way to make a decision is always to consider what will make you happiest and healthiest. Make your decision with love. You deserve it