Dr Mojo !
I feel compelled to reply.. its uncanny.. but I went through the exact same thing.. no kidding.. Doctor, dated for 3 yrs, long term for 2 yrs, took flights across the country, sometimes to spend hours, placed her on a pedestal, all set to get a ring, and then found out she d been unfaithful. Completely broken, pain, crying, crying some more, falling apart at work, talking to my floor Social worker and to colleagues and staff about being single (and more than my share of “doctor= good catch” )Now 4 months later, Its better. Won’t lie to you, its not completely healed and i still have my issues, but its a lot better.
One thing I promise you is the impermanence of this situation, it will feel better in time. Take it easy on yourself, And I would follow Matt’s Rx (it works !!), self consideration, Gym Yoga and meditation. Everything else comes second right now.
Another is, It ll make you a better physician, somehow this cracks open your heart ( which had , I admit, become hard from the YEARS of cynicism during training) and the patients relate to you more. Its happened with me for sure. And honestly it feels good to help people.
One thing which sucks even till now is I had no social circle due to the traveling, and now am stuck. One thing I am consciously trying to do is make more single, non medical friends to expand my horizons, eventually may meet someone interesting, who knows. But now I float more, swim less and its worked well till now.
I hope you take good care of yourself brother, and find a better job soon ( I am job hunting too, isn’t that weird 🙂
B

Hi,
I am trying to get back on the same horse 🙂 here s a few things I found which resonated well
1) the infidelity had nothing to do with you, but the way you let it affect you is your choice.
2) for me, the whole mess has been the greatest spiritual growing experience till now.
3) dating again with the perspective that you ll be fine even when single can be a lot more fun and fulfilling.
4) Self confidence comes from the self..
5) there are atleast five TED talks that should be listened to , about vulnerability, shame, self compassion , seduction and marriage.
6) Once you start growing as a person, you ll attract the right kind of people, they ll be drawn to your being.
Good luck to you (and to me), hope it helps.
love
B

Hi Simone,
As a man who was recently in the situation your fiance is in, this post really helped me gain perspective (and may seem biased, but I tried not to be 🙂 ). I am sorry for all this pain and mess you are going through, and want you to know you are not alone. What I would suggest is may be taking some time off before making that big a decision, there shouldnt be any rush in the matters of the heart.
Other option you could actually explore is to put in more into your relationship with your fiance, even if you are unsure, if you still see a spark in there. Go all in with him, dissect the relationship and see if the differences are reconcilable, may be use counseling or spiritual guidance. He must be hurt, but there is nothing that a heartfelt apology and a willingness to delve deeper into the relationship issues will not fix, who knows, may be you guys will have a stronger bond coming out of this.
if you dont see a future with the ex, then i would suggest let him go amicably, and wish him well. The other man seems like an escape, he makes you feel better about yourself, because you feel he wouldn’t judge you, however, this may be a manifestation of just not loving yourself enough. The love you feel is plain excitement and attachment. He seems like an escape route you unfortunately and inadvertently planned to avoid facing the real deal. Please take some time off of him and try to find yourself, and nurture the truly beautiful person you are, things happen and then they are over, there shouldn’t be anything to be ashamed about if you find the root cause and turn it into a teaching experience. If you feel comfortable with your own being and are OK with being single, still harbor feelings for the other person, then may be you can start something with him, but not now, when you are so unsure about yourself.
Hopefully you and your fiance will find some peace,
with love
B

Hi Ben and Francis,
I have been on the same road for the past 4 months, after suffering my first real heart break, and boy is it something. Currently i think i am faking it till i make it.. but i have found if you continue to smile and talk positive, no matter what, however bad you may be feeling inside, it does blunts the pain a bit.. and i hope i will get into a habit of just smiling and breathing through these moments.. and have decided once i get to that point, may be then start dating again. I have always been quite reserved and find it hard to make new friends, specially because i am not from the country, but am trying to expand my horizons there as well.. but it is nice to know so many people across here have been through same (and some freakishingly similar stories, which makes me believe everyone is the same and have a good and a bad side) and have grown so much. It gives me immense hope and strength. And really cool words to tell myself when i am down 🙂 My best wishes and prayers to all of you, please take care
B

Hi B123,
I think this man is confused regarding your relationship, as are you.. Wouldnt it be better if both of you took time off to think and grow your own selves up and then maybe, if your hearts harbour feelings, have an open and honest discussion, and not the superficial hi on a messenger ? I dont think you are responsible for him sorting his mind out, and you wont be able to point him in that direction anyways, but you can do it to yourself though, i suggest asking him to not contact you and then focussing on your own spiritual growth would do you more good. maybe along the way your heart will open for someone else who would see the wonderful person you are and will not have a doubt, or maybe your heart will lead you back to him, but only after you are completely happy with being yourself and being single. I pray you find peace and love.