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Dee

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  • in reply to: So Alone #205261
    Dee
    Participant

    Thank you very much.

    in reply to: So Alone #205259
    Dee
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, Anita. I think, I feel like many people value me for my good qualities, what I bring to the table, but no one seems to want to see the darker more fragile side of me, and to me that’s the authentic part; the rest is just glitter, or at the very least, its as authentic. I don’t feel that I am acceptable just as I am, flaws and weaknesses and all.

    I definitely never go on about my darker thoughts; it doesn’t take much for me shut down at all. And it takes a huge amount of courage for me to even make the tentative approach.

    in reply to: So Alone #205245
    Dee
    Participant

    Hi Anita, thank you so much for responding. My husband can be very kind hearted, but he’s a fixer. If he can’t give you an instant practical solution to a problem, he can’t and won’t deal with it. He has an incredibly low tolerance for suffering too, his own or others; he loves me, but he literally cannot go there with me.

    I have had much better results with counsellors, and at the time it helps, but you come to a point where you realise, this is a bottomless pit, I could be seeing someone every week for the rest of my life, and just going round and round in circles.

    I am working really hard at my meditation practise, and occasionally I get little glimpses of what it would feel like to feel self compassion and kindness. But oh, how much I wish I just had one person I could look to, as a reference point for love and acceptance and compassion, just so I knew that even in my darkest moments, when the idea that I’m not worthy of life is most compelling, that it wasn’t true.

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)