I was referring to the physical distance.

We didn’t get to see each other on a regular basis. But we made good memories every time.

I don’t know.  I’m kind of hurt.  hurt about learning about myself.  Feels like i’ve had to learn a lot about myself in the last week or so.  Very difficult hearing all this about my self.  I’ve learned that i’m somewhat of a drama queen that needs attention?  AM i right?

I’m really torn.  I guess i’m scared to be honest.   I want to do like anita says.  Just call her and be to the point, not pleading or begging.  Just ask her if she will consider trying again and accepting what she says respectfully.  But i’m afraid.  For one, i don’t know if nowIf she says yes, am i setting myself up for heartbreak again, or ??  and if she says yes, what about my friends.  None of them care for her or have any respect for her anymore.  Would be tough.  Although i know i need to do what i need for me, not anyone else.

If she says no, then i will be hurt again, but at least i will know that this road has ended and there is no point in trying anymore. and i won’t have this what if feeling anymore.  Maybe it would be the absolute closure i need to move on…

Now is just finding the right time to ask.  I know she has been dealing with some more shit lately.

Honestly. I’m pretty messed up.

I have this woman that I would give anything for that has throughly confused me as far as what she feels.

Then I have this other one that I have strong feelings for that I do have reservations about that would be everything I need and want.

I know I’m still in love with my ex. I’m worried that that feeling will never go away. And it will always prevent me from loving someone else the way I should.

May gf or New ex? (I do t know what’s happening there now) told me she thinks I’m still In Love with me ex and that I need to call her and see if there is anything there. That maybe I need to here from her that there is nothing left.

I think she is right but if I do that then I’m being needy. And as much as I do love her I don’t know if she could ever give me what I really need.

OMG. what’s wrong with me?

It very well may have been her oldest son. She did tell me that he told her she ruined his high school years because of her divorce. That tore her apart. And during our relationship when ever I heard his name come up, I knew we weren’t going to see each other and we didn’t. There was always drama when he was around or even when he talked to her. I think I did interfere too much and was trying to help when I should of just backed off. One other thing is that I was her first real relationship since her divorce and she always talked highly of me to her son. Almost comparing me to his father.   He did not go on the recent trip. But if she was having thoughts and talked to her brother that may be a big factor also.

I know what’s done is done and it is out of my control. I guess I feel cheated. Like I didn’t get the opportunity to better myself (because I was unaware -even if it’s my own fault) before she ended things. I feel like I was there for her through all the bad times she was going through. Waiting for it to get better and now she has gotten better. She does things with her friends now , when she never wanted to before and gets out of the house. Before I met her she was a hermit and was in depression from everything. She’s said she’s always been grateful for me and that I helped her out a lot with some of her issues.

Just sucks. But lie your be said I need to let it be and move on. It’s just hard because of what we did have together.

“How long exactly has it been after the break up that both of you are in new relationships?”

For me, i self destructed.  I wasn’t in relationships, i was “messing around”  within a month.  I’m very ashamed of that btw.  I ended up sleeping around with 5 different woman off and on for about two months before i met my gf.  I stopped everything once i met her.  Again, something I’m not proud of. I was very depressed and hurt.  I seriously was a mess. I was contemplating doing the worse…

For her i think it was a month and a day exactly when she met him.  From a post she put on Facebook and he commented on, i’m guessing they were sleeping together within a month and a half to two months.

When i asked her about him.  she said “she met him in Dec. but didn’t start dating till jan or feb or whatever”  Then she said” I’m not even really with anyone.  He’s out of state for the next 2 years.  I will see hime maybe twice a year.  So if it makes you feel any better i’m still as f%&*ed up as i was before.  I’m not good enough to be in any real relationship.  So go enjoy your new found little family.”

“You wanted her to put you first”

I didn’t want to be first.  I just wanted to feel like i was part of her life.  Any time any thing happened. I got pushed off to the side.  It felt like i was on stand by.  I just wanted to be part of her family.

“You are basically asking a person to strip down their pride, their self-esteem and give it all to you. Would you do that for someone?”

I did do that for her.  I swallowed my pride several times.  I stood down when i should of stood up for myself.  And yes if she would of asked me to relocate down there, i wouldn’t have thought twice about it.  I would of found a way even with my kids.  She used to tell me over and over and friends of hers that I had the patience of a saint.  Cause i did. I waited and never made an issue out of things.  She also told me not to be a doormat, not even for her.   Any time our plans got cancelled.  (usually because of her oldest son) I never said anything or bitched about that.  In fact i told her she needs to do what she does for him.  I never told her that i felt like i was getting pushed aside until after she left me.

“Perhaps you are going through something difficult in some other sphere of your life… Your job does not give you satisfaction, Maybe you feel you are not able to give your children a lot of time that they deserve, maybe you do not get enough time to pursue your hobbies or activities that made you happy other than love and romance”

Before i met her, things were great.  My job is great(can’t ask for a better place to work), i do have fun with my hobbies, and i get my kiddos week on and week off.  Even my relationship with my ex-wife is fantastic.  we are like best friends.  I was just looking for love, and I thought i found it.

“Think of your actions, from her perspective. She: I was in a beautiful relationship with a man but instead of taking care of his affairs, he meddled into mine (Children are the greatest thing to a mother, that is solely her affair unless she accepts a man worthy enough to be their father). I was in love with him, I missed him but I did not miss the way he regarded me as a weak woman who needs help at every step. I am not that woman. A few months later, he tells me how sorry he was for his actions and I forgive him because of his regrets. But I am still not sure of his actions, after all, he did change unexpectedly when we were together. Who knows if he does the same again. But still, let me be in touch with him and see how he is now.”

I wish i could of seen it this way along time ago.  I never thought about it like this.  through everything, I just wanted to help.  She seemed so miserable with all her problems and i just want to help it all go away so she could be happy.  She was a very independent woman and she did tell me several times that she needs to deal with it on her own.  I’m the type that wants to be there to help.  I guess i couldn’t see that i really needed to be just there to listen to her and not anything else.

Well I’m not going to contact her.  Not going to send her any cards.  I’m going to take some time and figure out what i really need. At this point, i don’t think i will ever have another connection or love someone the way i did her.  That’s okay i guess.  I do like the woman i am with now.  but i do need some time to get my head straight and make sure i don’t like her just because she is there.

thank you for your help.  I wish i would of found this forum at the end of september last year.  It might of save me from wrecking that relationship.  I do feel like i failed her.  and that hurts.

This is a book. Sorry

So there’s more to my ex’s relationship than I’ve told you. I just realized a coincidence. I could be full of crap but here it is.

So we were happy. Really happy for a long time. I fact in February 2017 she found out that her brother was getting married in late September 2017. At that time she told me I was going. It was going to be in vegas(that’s where he lives). So I was thrilled. Of coarse I wanted to go. It was going to be a 3 night 3 day trip.

Fast forward to late August. I was at the doctor and I was filling out my paperwork and I texted her “can I ask you something?” (That was one of our things too). She said “of coarse, anything”. I asked her “ will you be my …” then I said “emergency contact?”  She said” of coarse” and “next time you start a question like that it better be in person?”. (These may not be word for word but really damn close).   So later that week she told her boys that she was buying tickets for the trip in one month. And her oldest son (19) flipped out and was pissed or upset that I was going. He then dropped the bomb on her that he planned on going into the marines after the wedding and told her he thought it was going to be a family trip with her and his brother only.

Well they fought about it for a week or so and eventually she caved. I wasn’t going. I didn’t tell her how I felt because I thought she was dealing with enough shit. I just said I understood and let it happen.

well they go on the trip. I dropped them off at the airport and she could tell I was hurt. I was even watching her dog for her now that I wasn’t going. I was just trying to be there for her.

That night she tried calling me and I missed her call. I called right back but no answer, twice. Not even a text that night after. She did leave a nice message saying she would call me when she can.

Well as the weekend went on I was good and waited to hear from her before I texted her, but she never would text me so I did around lunch and at night. But the messages were brief. Long story short we never talked on the phone once that weekend and hardly texted at all.

Keep in mind just one month earlier she went there for the bachorlette party weekend and I left her alone then as well, but she made sure to text and call a lot and always told me she loved me and missed me.

Well I pick them all up from the airport and she acts like she hasn’t seen me in a year. But they had to hit the road. So the next morning I waited to text her till about 11:00 cause I figured she would be busy at work.

Pause- up until this point we texted on and off all day from before she left for work until we went to bed and talked at least twice a day. – back to my story

When I texted and asked her how work was she told me she didn’t go in and had the day scheduled off. I thought it was odd that she was home all morning and didn’t text like she normally did. But I didn’t say anything. We hardly texted that day as well. That night we talked. Finally after 4 nights(besides the 10 minute car ride from the airport to my house). She was real brief and impersonal. I asked about the weekend and wedding and she told me as if she was reading an itinerary. Real quick. Maybe 1-2 minutes. Then she was done. Goodnight.

In the next 4 days texting was at a minimum and we didn’t talk on the phone ( her choice). That weekend she told me we needed a break. She said she was f&$@ed up and wasn’t meant to be in a relationship. And it has nothing to do with me. I was destroyed. How can only one month before she can be joking/serious about marriage and now this?

Well we texted a little bit and one of her texts was pretty bad. Some of the words was “this was never intentional” and “I’m not a hypocrite” and that “you should move on and start a new chapter in your life”. I was lost and crushed. This went on for two weeks. We kept in touch but not much. Some of her texts were mean and hurtful like she was trying to get me to leave her.

After two weeks she told me she missed me and we need a weekend together just us. So I made it happen. That next weekend we stayed out of town together. It was good but she told me more of all of her problems she was facing. Then she told me about the wedding finally. Well I forgot to say that her brother is in a biker “club”. A pretty big one. So for the wedding the rented a hotel in the middle of the desert for everyone one big biker “club” party. She told me about one of the guys. He had tattoos on his head. She said he asked her to go back to his room and make bad decisions. I asked like what and she said i don’t know but thought it was funny. After that weekend things got kind of better for a couple weeks then she turned cold again.

It was coming up on our one year date of meeting each other and we haven’t seen each other for a week. And she didn’t want to on that weekend either. So for our “anniversary “ of one year I had flowers delivered to her work three different times that day. I thought it would be romantic.  Well  that backfired  when they delivered the second batch she texted me “more flowers, seriously? I thought we talked about moderation.  They are beautiful though”  so I told her about the third delivery and she felt like an asshole .  That night we talked about it and she said again she was f$&@ed up  and broke.  well that next night I went to text her friend about the flower comment to see what she thought because my ex really wouldn’t talk much  or really tell me what was going on.  I accidentally sent it to her  that’s how she found out about me talking to her friend.  The next day is when she broke up with me.  She said it wasn’t the reason and that it had nothing to do with me and that I deserve someone better.  And that she is broken and not meant for a relationship and never thought she would be better.

Well I found out barely a month and a day after she broke up with me she met someone else and that’s the guy she is with now.

Thats when it got real ugly.

So fast forward to a month ago  that’s when I sent her that letter.  I asked her straight out if she messed around or even cheated on me in Vegas and that’s why when she got back it felt like she couldn’t be with me or talk to me as much or like she did before  there was just some kind of wierd tension.  She was hurt that I would think that, but really gone for a wedding party weekend and then everything changes?  She said she never ever cheated on me and never would.  That’s when she told me about the red flags.

well I guess my point to all this is that she visited her brother last weekend in  Vegas and that’s when she stopped texting me again.  Just seems odd to me.  Really makes me wonder if something did happen and going there brought up guilt?  I could be full of crap  just kind of hit me though.

Sorry about the book.

I did want clarification. Which she did. But after that she kept initiating conversation.

For example we started talking on a Thursday night. It continued very steadily through Friday afternoon. Which one of the texts I sent her is “if she’s been riding much?”  (We used to ride quads together). She said “she doesn’t have anyone to go with anymore and the last time she went was with me” so I said  “we could meet up sometime and go for a ride. You never know what the future holds. I’m always down for a ride. “she responded “ down for a ride huh?!  LOL sorry…never know”

i just responded “funny girl”

and she sent an emoji ?

Ii didn’t respond back. Later that next night she texted me out of the blue

“check out the moon tonight!”  (The moon was one of our things.)

Then texted back and forth that night and she asked me questions about my GF. This was after we agreeed not to talk about our current gf and bf. (her idea btw)

she even asked me if I e moved her in and previously did admit to being jealous. It was later that night usually she would normally be asleep and that’s when she sent me the selfie saying “so you do t forget me”

So I guess that could be misunderstood as flirting. Really felt like it to me. That’s what I meant by I wish she wouldn’t of contacted me again  if she would of left me alone after telling me why she really left  that would of been great  in fact I felt great after she did  it felt like I got the closure I needed and I was happy. I felt like I could finally move on. but then when she kept texting and said those things  that’s what sparked me up again.  That’s why I was confused and still am

what u said does make sense though.  To an extent.  I guess if I still didn’t have feelings for her maybe I would of been able to see it different  but to me it feels like flirting. I even told my good female friend about it and she got pissed.  She thought that my ex was playing games and screwing with my head.

I do need to just forget about her though. It’s just hard to do. I try. It’s just difficult.

yes, I suppose you’re right there.  I just hate not being completely honest with her.  It kills me.  Especially because i wasn’t with my ex.  And that hurt her the most.

Anyone else?  This is so hard.  I’m so torn.  I don’t know if i should just count my losses and quit all communications with my ex or if i should try?

I have talked to my best friend about this and he said that none of my friends like her now because of how bad our break up messed me up.  And they felt like she controlled me.  Which she didn’t.  I created things in my head.  When she couldn’t see me, i would just hang out at home and not do anything, I quit hanging out with my friends like i used to.  All of which was my decision.  She even told me to do stuff with them and i didn’t.  I painted a bad picture of her with my friends.  Dang.  I don’t know.  Maybe it is best if i just end all of this now.  It’s so hard though, so hard wondering.  I know there are  a million what ifs and scenarios.  but seriously, i really was never happier than i was with her.(of course this is before the tornado of drama all hit).  I still regret the way i handled everything.