first off, i need to be more open with my feelings. at the beginning i was very open with her and it slowly closed off. i dont want to leave her in the dark like that again leaving her wondering whats going on. i held onto things and didnt voice them til it was too late. i stepping back, i feel like me and her did deserve eachother, even though i didnt feel it at that time. i want to show her that i want to be with her and spend time with her and show her how important she is. i realized something big in this relationship. i had been used to being rejected so often that part of me felt like at some point she was going to reject me. that feeling led me to sabotage things. something that i hadnt done before and didnt even notice. now i feel like i understand what took place more and understand where it came from and why. understanding it, i feel that i would be able to handle it better. problem is, i dont know how to even get a chance to show that it could be different to her. i went through 5 years of a bad marriage hoping to one day be with someone that had all the qualities that this girl had only to screw it up when i finally found that person. thats what hurts most.

i follow a lot of what you said anita. but i also dont follow some. i feel like i have taken steps in understanding how i acted and how i treated the new girlfriend. i feel that i am trying to better myself. ive just found myself lost as to why she then gave up as fast as she did. i thought she loved me and it hurt to see her go so fast. i still love her because i hadnt felt love like that ever. now my daily struggle is trying to move on but my body doesnt seem to let me. everything around me reminds me of her. i guess i just really want to know if she feels anything for me anymore. i would wait for her ie work on myself in order to better us. i just dont know if she sees any possibility of us in the future. youre right that rejection issues are what ruined it. she was so good to me. her son was good to me. her family was good to me. it was all so perfect and what i had always invisioned of love and finding that special someone. it kills me now knowing what i always dreamed of, i myself ruined.