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  • #143009
    CB3
    Participant

    Dear Carey Bounds,

    <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>You did the proper thing! </span>

    You presented your feelings and ideas in a rational way and even waited, and waited, and waited for a response, acknowledgement, or progression only to be left idly waiting.  Even if “Mr. Great for the most part” didn’t want to move in or had a different plan he never presented it to you (or he may have, not sure only you know) but clearly enough lack luster was present for you to make an informed and direct action.   If he has a change of heart or a moment of clarity, would you conciser rekindling?  That’s the true question, if the answer is yes, you two have some unfinished business, if no…..well then your actions are well founded.

    As for him living with is ex for such an extended period, I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT INTERNALIZE THAT! As an outsider, that seem more a convenience (dare I say crutch….) than a solution or an expression of independence.

    Carey Bounds, I think you did the absolute right thing!

    #142909
    CB3
    Participant

    Roy Phang,

    I agree with Anita, starting out saying “it sounds dumb” sets an interesting tone to your inquiry.  I imagine you don’t actually believe that you’re dumb but needed a jumping point to start the thoughts flowing.  Most of us feel the need to qualify what we are about to say with “I know this may sound……(interject any number of adjectives)” to lessen the impact of our words or to bring down the expectation of our actions, but we don’t actually regard ourselves as dumb, per se.

    Nonetheless, feeling unstable in one aspect of life can often bleed over into every part of life.  In your case, you make clear that financially you have often felt shorted, unfulfilled with employment and desire to branch out on your own and take up entrepreneurship.  Is there anyway to ease into your prospect?  Work your normal job and start seeking out your venture a bit at a time with minimal financial capital?  Possibly sacrificing one luxury to kick start your venture might be well within your means but over shadowed, ie. cut ties with your cable bill and go to antenna tv and take the $120 you would pay for that each month and invest in your ideas.

    I think the more concerning issue here is your marital issues.  Collectively, most people in their mid 30’s to 40’s start taking a hard look at their life’s trajectory.  We become increasing more critical of what we have or have not accomplished, whether or not we have become or feel successful in our endeavors, whether we have achieved or are actually happy with our lives.  It is clear from reading your post that you seem either very numb to your life circumstances or very unfulfilled.  Cheating on a spouse points more to later of the two, in my opinion.  You want to seek out new opportunities but are afraid to let go of what you believe is “stable”.  Comfort is complacency.  If you felt as secure and happy with  your spouse, you wouldn’t stray.  Your spouse has become your life raft, your comfort, and a side product of how you feel in your ventures up to this point, a failed effort which no one wants to invest (including you).

    Dark thoughts happen to us all, not everyone can positive 100% of the time.  It is how we deal with those thoughts, the feelings and emotions that make the difference.  I don’t care who you are, the more you push away how you feel, what you think, and try to disengage the more epic the eruption will be when it all comes to a boiling point.  Be honest with yourself and try to be forthcoming with how your dealing with yourself.  Typically others are more understanding, dare I say, on the same page emotionally and ideologically than we give credit.

    So, as long as this response may be Roy Phang, please know your not alone.  We have all been in your shoes and understand some or all what your experiencing. I hope some of my thoughts and responses help.  Best of luck in all your future endeavors , with your spouse, and with all you try and accomplish.

     

    #142911
    CB3
    Participant

    Holly,

    Great job!  Sounds like your heading down the right path for yourself!  Finding happiness without a partner is the hardest thing in the crazy world!  We are taught from a young age to seek out companionship, to settle down and build a life with someone else to complete ourselves.  But truly and honestly if we cannot find happiness singularly, can we really give 100% of our self to another?  Your daily goals list is fantastic!  A fabulous way to keep perspective and bring some tangibility to everyday.  Keep up your hard work and great outlook Holly!

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