Hi all,

First of all, thank you so much for starting this thread. There is extremely valuable and helpful information here. That being said, I’m hoping you all can provide some advice or some compassionate words.

I was dating my ex for 7 years. Things were really great, and than in 2013 I moved out to where he was living and we moved in together. In march of 2014 I started noticing he was acting strange but couldn’t figure it out, and July 2014 he got so drunk and had to be taken to the hospital. He entered out-patient rehab, but since then he was off and on relapsing, acting strange, and not having his stories matched up. I tried to get him to talk about what was going on but it was hard to get him to open up. I know he was stressed because his parents divorced and he didn’t like his job. As a side note, he also received some concussions in the past from playing sports, so I’m not sure if that was another underlying issue.

In March 2015 I moved to another state for a job opp. He agreed it was the right move and would follow me, even though he initially said he didn’t want me to leave. Even after I left, similar issues would still arise. He would call me and we would have a conversation, and then would call me again 5 minutes later like we never talked. His stories wouldn’t match up on what he did the night before.

In November there was a huge incident, and he asked for a week break, but I suggested longer because I was tired and nothing I had tried or said before worked. Then in January when we agreed to talk again, he broke up for me for good, saying he couldn’t be with me…and then just stopped talking to me. After 7 years. as did most of his family (who is like my second family) and our friends.

Right now I’m struggling feeling like the most awful person who gave up on the person they love the most. I feel like I abandoned him, I mean I moved away less than a year after things got out of control. Who does that on the person they wanted to marry? I feel like the didn’t do enough, wasn’t patient enough or compassionate enough. I feel like I don’t deserve anything anymore and it’s such a struggle to get through the day when I feel like I’m not worthy. I’m also wondering if his concussions were an issue- something I looked past because all i saw was the drinking.

I also feel horrible because I would go to him with my troubles and insecurities, and I feel like maybe he was trying to shield me from his problems, thus internally held them in- and drinking was the only way to let them free.

This is only the surface of my story so if you need to ask questions please feel free. Any advice would be so much appreciated it.

Thank you!