Forum Replies Created
October 5, 2018 at 10:32 am #229249
Your response under “How do you integrate the need of evolving emotional understanding in self-management of sensory issues?” left a particularly mesmerizing mark in me. I just realized that I actually sometimes react differently on different kinds of sounds. For example, when I need to calm down, I listen to a track with heavy rain and thunder. The natural white noise makes me calm, and I can keep it on a fairly high volume – or need to do so in order to drown any distracting background noise. What is interesting is that also other loud, temporary and fairly predictable sounds – approaching ambulances, helicopters etc – affects me a lot less than sounds connected to social situations, such as the ambivalent noise of a party or a group of people laughing. One explanation might be that it’s stressful not to know when I can get out of the noisy environment or when the noise will cease, though I don’t think that is the entire explanation. Now I think of it, I believe a part of the reaction is because of sadness or dissapointment of my own inability to enjoy the situation due to the noise sensitivity.
I’ve decided to do a little experiment the next time I’ll be in a noisy and social environment, which will take place this sunday. I will try to think of the fact that I might be sad not because of the noisy environment but because of my noise sensitivity and how it inhibits my ability to sustain in social assemblies, and just enjoy the occation for as long as possible without putting any pressure on myself to “not be concerned” with the noise. I’ll try and just embrace the fact that I am who I am, with abilities and disabilities, and will be in the environment for as long as it feels comfortable. It’ll be interesting to see how that works.October 5, 2018 at 8:46 am #229211
Dear Anita, you talk about emotional understanding regarding “re-visiting childhood so to correct our understanding”.
How do you interpret emotional understanding as opposed to rational understanding?
How do you integrate the need of evolving emotional understanding in self-management of sensory issues?
I’m also interested in hearing your reason of grouping me with most people whose emotional understanding is lagging behind 🙂 I refer to this phrasing: “I noticed in your writing that your rational brain is very strong, highly evolved. But as is true to most, the emotional understanding is lagging behind.” Bear in mind that it’s practically impossible to offend me. I’m interested in your honest impression. It helps me understand how people interpret my communication!October 5, 2018 at 7:48 am #229193
I’m curious! What do you get the Micro and Macro terms from? How do you use them? In my concious, something Macro (in a health and self-care concept) refers to an overall picture. Just to take an example: The will of having a healthy balance between sleep, meals, rest, intellectual and emotional stimulance, and physical exercise. And the contrary, the Micro, would then be micromanagement of how to sustain that balance through performing certain habits. But since you use the Macro term to describe the latter, how would you define your usage of the two words?
I thank you for your benign attempt on sharing information on how to solve some practical issues that I mentioned. Although, issues mentioned might just have been graphic examples on some other miscellaneous everyday issues causing unnecessary anxiety that can easily be taken away from the daily bucket of stress tolerance simply by letting go of self-created demands, thus giving more space for stress management on issues that are more biologically rooted and therefore harder to get rid of. Such as sensory overloads.
I didn’t quite follow your reasoning on the micromanagement part. Could you clarify?October 5, 2018 at 6:25 am #229171
It’s a tricky subject, isn’t it? Sensory sensitivity isn’t a problem in itself, it can even be an asset depending on how you use it. Sensory sensitivity becomes a problem when the mind can’t handle the amount of sensations bombarding our body every day.
Your idea makes all sense. Since sensory sensitivity isn’t the only thing occupying my stress coping mind, a good approach is to reduce stressors that I can have more control over. That is, every anxiety issue that come from within. Anxiety over relationship drama. Future plans and mispleasure with the current situation. Anxiety over not having a neat home, having a sink full of unwashed dishes because of that dang broken dishwasher and the repairman won’t come for another two weeks, and I don’t have enough energy to play with my daughter or exercise, and not having enough time to getting ready in the morning stresses the heck out of me… Etcetera. Loosening on all of these self-made requirements would surely make up more space for stress management regarding the sensory sensitivity. Less of a backpack to carry, so to say.
Another thing that I know makes my mind more stress tolerant, and therefore also more tolerant to sensory input, is exercise. Running is the most effective for me since it wakes positive memories, you get fresh air from running in the nature, and you choose your own pace depending on daymood… So, despite that I know this, I still don’t exercise on a regular basis. Why? Because of tiredness. And what would running help me with in the long run? Reducing turedness! So I’m practically just stupid. Or lazy. or both.September 27, 2017 at 7:13 am #170585
yes, that is the case. Since he’s neglecting my emotional memory, I won’t get anywhere closer to a peacestand in collaboration with him. I have to seek a resolution for the emotional distress this memory is causing me, with the help from a neutral party.
My dad is currently in therapy for dealing with posttraumatic stress… finally. He should have started that decades ago. I don’t really feel an urge to press him into making too much progress at once. He’s an old dog who need to make things his own way. So, as I am dealing with a very acutely present problem related to a memory from the past (having an image of my dad disturbing my sexlife), I’m directing focus on solving that specific problem. My relationship with ol’ pop may find its’ resolutions later, but I don’t count on it as something essential for solving my own problems.September 27, 2017 at 6:28 am #170565
I’ll try the removing shame and guilt part, but unfortunately I’ve already enlightened my father about my hard feelings towards his behaviour, and his contrabehaviour is very classic for a perpetrator: He´s neglecting my emotions about the event, as though they’d not be true. “No, that’s not what happened, I remember that as if it was yesterday… We had little nice night moments reading bedtime stories.”
Sorry Dad, but you stopped reading me bedtime stories when I was eleven. This was years after that.
A little bitterness needed to air out there.
Thank you for your advice Anita, I’ll make the best out of it.September 27, 2017 at 5:37 am #170549
I think you might be onto something there. Do you have any ideas of how to deal with this uninvited experience? How to make that face go away?
After all, I just want to give my full attention to my wonderful boyfriend.November 2, 2016 at 3:46 am #119415
Supernovas are probably, just as you say, there because they are a normal component in the bodily reaction. I notice and refrain from judging. Noticing a body reaction without seeing it as “wrong” and something needed to be worked out and corrected, is actually pretty relieving too.
A fun fact that might not have much to do with this situation, is that I am that kind of person who, in contrast to getting stuck, tend to be a little too unattached. This is a part explanation of why I am so stunned and surprized that I get these reactions. Seems like I am a human like anybody, and that I can be sad about a separation too. Which is actually also pretty nice to have knowledge of.November 1, 2016 at 11:38 am #119335
You’re everything but lame! Support can be vastly underrated, as are positive thoughts directed to someone struggling with something, or just a little caring. I’m grateful for your engaging answer. Volunteering is a nice thing, and something I usually engage in when out of a relationship – might be that the relationships tend to take too much time to spare anything for activities non-related to the partner. As for time taken with other friends. At the moment, and especially after putting words to the emotions, it’s really nice to just be resting alone for a while. Clear the mind and gather energy. When the time is right, I most surely will change focus from what I don’t have – to what I have. What I can give, to people and contexts that appreciate what I can give. And appreciate what people and contexts can give me back.
After speaking out a little, I realize that I actually am my strongest self as single. And in some meaning, also my happiest self. Sure it’s cosy curling up with a partner and have a physical relationship. But what I think I need the most are emotional relationships. Those that can be built up between friends. And when I think about it, emotional relationships between friends seem so much easier and less dramatic than physical relationships, where you’re attached to one another in a different way.
This might well be a grieving stage (denial? Acceptance?) and these words, accompanied by the feelings of the moment, might loose their purport in the next emotional hurricane. I might rest in the eye of my chemical grieving storm right now. It’s a pretty nice place to rest in, though.September 5, 2016 at 3:47 am #114277
XenopusTex and Monklet80: Thank you, thank you, thank you! A little broader perspective is exactly what I need in this, and that handy multiple step process..! Beautiful!
I really don't want to walk around and feel bad about myself that I didn't choose a carreer path that could instantly earn me that pile of gold that I'm craving in my current situation. I do have a picture about that gold solving all my problems, and making life so much easier to live. I've recently been so blinded about that picture that I've actually forgot what other values my current life situation is able to give me.
About impressing people. Before, I used to be the one that showed how much you can have and do even when you're economically living on the edge. I think that I recently switched that attitude towards one of injustice, like "I'm at this age and this stage in life, I should have succeeded better by now" (e.g. earn more money). I realize I want to start measure success in another currency than income – like, for example, how much learning you've gained from your experiences in life. How much you can inspire other people to make great outcome from their lives. How much time you have to care for your close ones. How well you take care of your vehicle in this world – your body. How you feel. How much happiness you can give.
Can you guys think of more things to raise in life to increase wealth and success, other than actual numbers on your bank account?September 4, 2016 at 9:14 pm #114250
“Obviously”? Assumptions again!
I’m not upset at all actually, but saw a need to explain my grounds as they were misinterpreted by you twice (three times including your latest post). There’s no need to take this as criticism, I’m merely stating facts and have no issue with you. If you feel that you have constructive input to give in future threads, please do. All constructive opinions are welcome.
About the Reportation – I’m a newbie in forum usage and thought “report” meant “send a message to Admin about an issue with the thread”, as I wanted to ask how to move the thread to another headline, but thanks for explaining that you can just restart the thread under another forum headline.September 4, 2016 at 8:38 pm #114243
Now you are assuming two things that are both off-topic and untrue (in my case). One, I actually don’t desperately need their approval. I have the approval from my boyfriend and that’s enough for me. I also have approval from other sides, but I see that as irrelevant. As irrelevant as I see the approval from his family, but because of my feelings connected with the desire to be accepted as a person and accepted within a family, my feelings go haywire in this matter only because I “don’t get the double-helix striped ice cream I want”. Unlike the spoiled screaming child in the ice cream line who is used to always get his will through, I put the love in our relationship before this desire – I know that you shouldn’t neglect your desires too much either, but this particular desire is something that’s interfering with us having an elsewise magic relationship.
The other assumption you just made is that I expect relationship advise (“I would exit the relationship”), when I actually only ask for help with managing the emotion this topic causes me. I now realise this thread might be in the wrong forum since there’s nothing with the relationship I want to change, only my chemical response to one side-effect of this relationship. I’ll ask Admin to move it to Emotional Mastery.September 4, 2016 at 12:38 pm #114222
Yes, your understanding is correct! My emotional reasoning screams that I want to take control over the situation and solve the issue myself. Problem with this is, I reason I don’t have the right to do so out of respect for my boyfriend and his family. Even though his family don’t respect me.
This time I would like to go all Mr Spock and let logical reason overrun emotional reason. That’s why I’m asking if there are ways to deal with these bubbling feelings of helplessness, angriness and bitterness and make them less bubbly and more easy to handle. I realise I can’t make them go away since they are a part of my reaction over my situation, so I’m just searching for ways to be able to live with them and not letting them take over other, far nicer feelings like happiness, peacefulness and the affection between me and my boufriend.December 21, 2014 at 12:20 pm #69575
DavidGoliath: Oh yes, his parents are strict and affect him in, as he expresses it, good and not-that-good ways. And it might very well be that they would benefit from having a deeper mindset! But,the problem from my angle is that their rejection of me affect me in a destructive way, and I need to get away from that. I need a positive way of looking at this situation, because at the moment I’m feeling an anger of how unfair this is, that they can’t embrace me and that there seems to be nothing I can do about it. It’s frustrating.
Inky: An interesting twist, and a challenging one too! I love that. Just the thought of the possibility to “accidentally” bump into those parents is thrilling, and makes my fantasy strive away about how this could be arranged, what would happen, what I would say, how I could turn their picture of me (if they remember me, but I would actually think they do..) And no matter if this actually would happen or not, it is a way to work the subject out mentally, creating a constructive, “this-will-have-a-positive-outcome”-image that is so much nicer to have in mind than the passive-destructive “there-is-nothing-to-do-about-it”. Thank you!
Another way I’ve started to treat this, is through the acceptance that some people are more difficult to reach but it doesn’t matter what happened in the past and upon what events people build their image of you. The only thing that matters is how you respond to the people around you right now, in the present. I’ve started to try to love everyone and everything (competors at work, the air I breathe, trees, butterflies, strangers, tricky relatives, screaming annoying babies and so on…) and I’ve realized that all this loving makes it more difficult to make space for negative feelings. Problems are still there, but they don’t take my energy in the same way as before.
What would you do if you felt resistance against you in relationships, in families, with friends or lovers, or in formal occations?July 22, 2014 at 4:13 am #61467
Oh, this thing about recognizing the situation totally 🙂
There are a lot of ways to earn money. Sometimes the work become your passion and will be the thing you want to do day out and day in for the rest of your life. To me, that wasn’t ideal at all. I love cooking so I attended a bachelor in gastronomy. I also love sailing and being offshore so before the gastronomy I attended a close-to-shore captain degree, which is still not completed. I simply lost the interest having to read all the technical details about the subject. It bored me out having to think that I’m not going to do anything else than this in my entire life hereafter! Which is, of course, a rather foolish assumption. You have the possibility of choosing what will occupy your days. If you’d like to switch carreer after a year or two, or perhaps have several careers running alongside each other, it’s really up to you.
I get easily bored and need stimula to keep the passion up. Mostly, I also need people around me that are just as passionate as myself, or at least are willing to follow my passion and enjoy doing the same thing as I do. You give energy and inspiration to others by living your passion, but you also need energy input to keep the passion alive.
Count the things you really like. Doesn’t matter if you believe you can earn any money in it or not. If the only thing you like is to try new things, meet new people or visit new places, take a look around and find new ways to do so! Perhaps you’ve never tried talking french, climb a mountain or live for a week with the Masaians of the African desert? Attend a course or event and meet others who want to do exactly the same thing as you. This is what you get the energy from, how you keep your passion alive: defining your dreams as they come, and live them out.
Now, your degree will teach you loads of things for life and is a great character-building experience, but won’t necessarily be the exact thing that you will work with afterwards. Economy and business go hand in hand and will come in handy within anything you’d want to to in the future, so I’d say they’re great choices if you’ve actually got no idea what you want to do. If you’re politically active, politics is the thing for you. In computer science you’ll really need a flare for math and logic, and well, either if you want to work with it in the end or not you’ll have to choose something that you can actually stand to study intensively for 3-5 years, or more… This is especially important as you don’t feel that you’re that passionate about any of these subjects right now.
Sometimes passion grow by itself when you specialize within a subject. Sometimes you feel that this wasn’t for you at all. There’s always the possibility to jump off the train and take another direction. Sometimes that’s even healthier than just following the same old path for habits’ and comfortabilitys’ sake.
Remember that it’s you, and no one else, who decide how you want to live your life. You can be richer than you’d ever imagine with less money than you thought was possible to stay alive at. Some of the richest persons in the world have no time left for family, friends or interests. Time is also a currency. What is the most important thing to you – having a lot of money or having a lot of time? Perhaps both? 😉
I’d like to recommend a book that opened my eyes on what power you have to shape your life exactly the way you want it. Where your profession is the least important thing in your life – it’s just the way you fund your projects – and the most important thing is how you spend your time. Invest your time and read it a couple of times. If you follow this path, it’ll completely change the conditions of your life and redefine your view of making a “carreer”.