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How do I deal with economical jealousy?

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  • #114218
    Shannon
    Participant

    I got an issue with a close friend. The issue is that he’s earning a lot, and is able to pay his employees way more than I earn. I am jealous, and I’m angry with myself out of two reasons: 1) I should only be happy for his sake, and 2) I chose a different career path and have no one else to blame than myself that I don’t earn more than I do.

    I really, really need to learn not to compare myself with other people, stop competing on personal success, and see other values in life. Any ideas how I could start?

    #114263
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    I usually prefer the high-end model, not the economy one :).

    Jealousy really doesn’t help anybody. I know that it can be challenging, but really, what does it gain you?

    Why let somebody else’s wealth bother you? If they aren’t complete jerks about things, who cares. I have noticed that there is a fair distribution of jerks at all income levels, with probably more at the bottom levels.

    Seriously, the only thing that jealousy does is hurt you. Do you want to believe that similar things are possible for you, or do you want to look upon such things with scorn and disdain?

    Also, do you want to have folks realize how jealous you feel toward them? I assure you that is not the way to impress folks.

    #114275
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Understand that people in higher income tax brackets are not necessarily in lower problem tax brackets. Your happiness and well being do not depend on your disposable income (assuming you have enough to clothe and feed yourself, get medical help when you need it, and time to do fun things.)

    Handy multiple-step process for feelings you don’t want:
    – Notice. (Oh, look, this is me feeling jealous again. How interesting.) (Try not to sound too sarcastic.)
    – Accept. (I’m not angry with you, Jealous Me. I know we’re working on this, you and I.)
    – Counter. (Let’s remember some good things about my life that have nothing to do with money, and remember that all people, rich and poor, deal with impermanence, insecurity and dissatisfaction.)
    – Quiet. (Breath calmly for a moment and watch to see if the feeling changes, if something new comes up or if you learn something about these thoughts and feelings.)

    Repeat ad nauseam. Changing your mental patterns around is hard and frustrating work, but peace of mind is a beautiful gift to give yourself. (Also: free!)

    #114277
    Shannon
    Participant

    XenopusTex and Monklet80: Thank you, thank you, thank you! A little broader perspective is exactly what I need in this, and that handy multiple step process..! Beautiful!
    I really don't want to walk around and feel bad about myself that I didn't choose a carreer path that could instantly earn me that pile of gold that I'm craving in my current situation. I do have a picture about that gold solving all my problems, and making life so much easier to live. I've recently been so blinded about that picture that I've actually forgot what other values my current life situation is able to give me.

    About impressing people. Before, I used to be the one that showed how much you can have and do even when you're economically living on the edge. I think that I recently switched that attitude towards one of injustice, like "I'm at this age and this stage in life, I should have succeeded better by now" (e.g. earn more money). I realize I want to start measure success in another currency than income – like, for example, how much learning you've gained from your experiences in life. How much you can inspire other people to make great outcome from their lives. How much time you have to care for your close ones. How well you take care of your vehicle in this world – your body. How you feel. How much happiness you can give.

    Can you guys think of more things to raise in life to increase wealth and success, other than actual numbers on your bank account?

    #114333
    Call Me Ishmael
    Participant

    Hi, Janeth.

    You asked, “Can you guys think of more things to raise in life to increase wealth and success, other than actual numbers on your bank account?”

    I suggest that strictly depends on how one defines and measures the terms “wealth” and “success.”

    Although I could write a lengthy explanation about how I define those terms for myself, it is far more important to understand how you define those terms. In western (and particularly US) society, those terms are frequently defined in monetary terms, or reflections of monetary terms, as manifested via: income; make and year model of car(s) and other vehicles (motorcycles, boats, JetSkis, ATVs—whatever); value, location, square footage, architectural trendiness, etc. of one’s house(s); most current model of smart phone, iPad, TV—whatever technology du jure; jewelry; trendiness of clothing, hair styles, etc.; IRAs, 401Ks; and many, many other things. I assume that these things are what you generally mean when you write “actual numbers on your bank account.”

    To better understand where you may be coming from, let me ask: at what point do you think the finally tally of “wealth” and “success” are measured?

    CMI

    #114334
    Call Me Ishmael
    Participant

    Please forgive the sidebar.

    Hi, Monklet80.

    I have often heard of mindfulness of one’s feelings, but I have never seen a step-by-step process by which one could achieve that mindfulness. It is so nice to see the process in print so that I can better understand what being mindful of one’s feelings functionally means.

    Thank you so much for your post.

    CMI

    #114365
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Aw, cheers, CMI! Happy to help.

    I think framing the measures of a good and worthy life as different types of “wealth” and “success” is stacking the cards to begin with. Both are overrated IMO.

    #114494
    I_am_Who_I_am
    Participant

    It is better to love than to conquer, better to heal than to harm, better to give than to receive.

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