Forum Replies Created
February 9, 2014 at 1:55 am #50568
I think I understand quite well the feelings you are experiencing. I have had an almost constant feeling of guilt for around a year because I wasn’t true to myself in my last relationship. Not listening to ourselves, naturally gives rise to feelings of shame and guilt, is my experience.
But these feelings can disappear when acknowledged.
I no longer feel that guilt when I am by myself because I am not running away from it. I have welcomed the guilt and shame in my heart. When I stopped surpressing the guilt I felt and let it in, it disappeared. Letting it in can feel scary as hell but it really isn’t that scary – it’s more the thought of it, which seems scary. It might be painful at first but then it makes space for selfcompassion and learning. What I realized is that underneath that guilt and shame is actually someone(yourself) hungering for your love and attention. Not giving oneself that love, hurts.
As soon as you stop fighting the guilt and acknowledge it, welcome it, and meet it with love, it cannot survive inside of you. That’s an amazing realization and relief! Meditation helped me to experience this. Welcoming all my feelings, even the ones I thought ugly, to be inside of me, gave a feeling of spaciousness and peace. Actually I did not know that I had so much resistance towards really feeling the guilt I thought I felt. I didn’t feel it directly until I deeply acknowledged it.
I hope that what I wrote might help you dealing with the feelings you have. But don’t worry – you’ll be perfectly alright.
A big hug,
CharlotteDecember 25, 2013 at 9:02 am #47532
First of all, thank you so much for taking your time to respond to my post – I really appreciate your response and I’m definitely gonna save it to look at it when I feel down about it all.
About the guilt and shame.. you say that it is simple to get out of it – but how can I justify what I did to myself? I think that very few people would do what I have done – oppress my feeling of right and wrong in myself until it all exploded and I broke down. I find it hard to live knowing that I have chosen to completely break down my true self. I feel like it’s impossible to forgive it.. That it just.. shouldn’t have happened. What I’m really saying is just that you present it as a quite natural process I’ve experienced and I feel like I pushed myself so far that I could not recognise myself anymore.. It doesn’t seem simple or natural or fair at all..
CharlotteDecember 3, 2013 at 12:11 pm #46148
The thing is… I think that the one I am REALLY furious with is myself.. – should I then write a letter to myself ?December 3, 2013 at 12:07 pm #46147
@Big : Thanks for you answer – it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. And I think you are right about me having a feeling of not being as happy with that guy as I could be and want to be. I hope you are right that I am on my way to a better place..
@Joanna : I can really relate to what you are saying..! That is exactly what I can feel – so much repressed negative energi which is poisoning me from the inside. The think is, I’ve never learned how to express anger og frustrations outward – I have a feeling that I will do something bad or hurtful if I express that side of myself to the world. I am not even sure I can get it out when I’m just with myself – it’s like there’s so much anger, guilt and other negative feelings stuck inside of me! And I just keep building it up because I can’t express it. But I WILL try to use one of the methods you mention..December 1, 2013 at 12:42 am #46012
Thanks for your advice – I can definitely relate to your situation.
I am already seeing a cognitive therapist and I am taking medicine as well, it just seems that the depression won’t pass anyway – not yet at least. I think I started out having some kind of illusion that a therapist was some kind of magician who could make me feel better. The thing is, I realized that the only person who can get me through is myself and that could both be a relief or a frightening thought. The therapist can only point me towards something – I gotta “walk the talk” myself which seems harder than I imagined. But you are defitnitely right about thoughts just being thoughts – it’s just so easy to cling on to them sometimes. But I know you are right that thoughts create our reality and that’s something worth being aware of.
I am sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation and I wish that you will find your way through as well.
Thanks for sharing your knowledge as well. Your response cheared me up somehow :). I think especially the thing about not hurrying because that’s what I tend to do too often. I get thoughts like “I’m 21 – this should be the best time of my life and it seems to be the worst – I gotta hurry up becoming happy!” which are just thoughts freaking me out. I think I should change my way of thinking towards that kind of experimenting and playful approach you describe.
But yes, it is very comforting to read your response to my post – thanks for that :).November 30, 2013 at 5:41 am #45989
Thank you so much for your answers and help. I really appreciate it and it’s comforting to read your advice!
I have started exercising every second day which is a really good habbit for me. And I eat very healthy as well, so at least those two elements are good. I do think life is worth experiencing it’s more that I don’t feel like I would be able to handle it so I somehow cut myself off emotionally and distanced myself from life. It’s like my life is only happening in my head – my head feels so heavy and full of thoughts, wishes, regrets and worries.
I am just afraid and worried that I should feel like this for the rest of my life really… Some people suffer from depressions all of their lives – how do I know that I won’t? It’s a very sad and frightening thought..