Thank you, Anita. I will talk to my therapist after another session or two about ways to continue my healing without her help. If I have unlimited resources, I would stay with her, but it’s just not sustainable to continue indefinitely. Do therapists get offended when people a client stops seeing them? I am a bit of a people pleaser, so cutting cords can be uncomfortable for me.

Regarding my parents, usually I just try to go someone alone when I am feeling overwhelmed by them, or try to change my thinking. And if I’m ruminating over something they said or did in bed at night, unable to fall asleep, I take CBD. It’s doesn’t always work, though. I’ve also spoken to my therapist about accepting myself and who I am and being aware of my parents’ critical voices that have gotten into my head over the years. I’ve recently started painting and drawing a bit every day as being creative always seems to help. If there is anything else to keep in mind or try, I would so appreciate any insight you have. Thank you!

Thank you again, Anita! I do think you are right. I don’t remember my parents being agitated so much by other *people* growing up, but that being said, they were always incredibly stressed out by their high-powered lawyer jobs. They very frequently took it out on me. I do think I absorbed a lot of their agitation, which is probably why I often feel triggered or agitated. I work very hard to not repeat these patterns with my son though.

What you said about my anxiety being pushed down while I am with them only to come to the surface makes a lot of sense too. I suppose I should spend less time with them? I usually only see them one or two weekends a month.

Also, I’m wondering when you think a person can finish therapy? Therapy is really expensive for me as it is not covered by insurance, and I am taking a break from the working world. Is it something I should expect to continue for a really long time? Or is their hope for someone like me (with general anxiety) to realistically stop therapy after a little while?

Yes, I believe I do feel that way. My parents actually don’t put pressure on me to visit, though. I do generally like visiting them because, aside from the fact that they are my parents, almost all of my life-long friends live near them, and it gives me a change of scenery and a few more people around to help entertain my son. But sometimes the heaviness that surrounds them gets to me. I worry about their mental and physical health – my Dad has gotten himself so worked up about my sister’s boyfriend that he’s landed himself in the hospital a few times thinking he was having a heart attack. I still do yearn to live closer to them a lot of the time (and thus, move back closer to Philly), even though I know they are dysfunctional. But I also don’t want to spend my life wishing I were living somewhere else and always looking at job postings for my husband near there. I want to be happy living in the present and with my present circumstances, no matter what is happening with other family members or in the world, but I don’t exactly know how to get there…..

Thank you, Anita! Very much looking forward to your thoughts as always.

Thank you, Anita! I don’t really have any more questions, but if you don’t mind, I’ll just expand a bit. Overall, my anxiety since I last wrote in the summer has been better. I am still debating the 2nd child issue, but now that my son is a little older, the fact that Trump is no longer president, and the fact that we are hopefully seeing some light at the end of the tunnel in terms of covid, makes the idea of a 2nd child a bit less scary. I still have anxieties about it, but no where near as panicky as I was last year.

Certain times of year and certain things seem to trigger my anxiety, I’m beginning to notice. One is the weather. I live outside of New York City, and winter and the start of Spring can be difficult for me, especially during a pandemic. The winter is cold and gloomy, and the spring is often rainy and gloomy. Until 3.5 years ago, I spent my whole life in Philadelphia, so I don’t really have close friends or family near me. I think I became a bit more anxious than I was pre-baby perhaps because of isolation on top of the fact that being responsible for a tiny human who can’t form sentences can be challenging.

Now add up the gloomy weather, the lack of close friends or family, and then any combination of 1) news of horribly upsetting national events and/or 2) drama involving my parents, and sometimes I just feel like we should pack up and leave the country. Or move somewhere rural where I have easier access to nature or the sea and I can clear my head more easily. But obviously this would not keep me or my son risk-free either, nor would it prevent me from being upset by world events, my parents, etc. This is why I was kind of taken aback by my therapist really encouraging me to pack my bags and “go on an adventure.” She told me it was my intuition telling me I need to move our family somewhere safer and that I need to listen to my intuition. But is it really my intuition, or is it my response to anxiety? Things like this sometimes make me feel more confused and conflicted coming out of therapy than I was before the session started!

PS: I actually live in a very safe suburb of NYC. So my therapist saying I need to move somewhere safer is in terms of national events and the “American culture of violence” (as she says), not local crime outside my door.

Hi Anita! Thank you so much, I ALWAYS appreciate your advice and am so grateful. Yes, you can call me Charlotte :). Honestly, you sharing your wisdom with me throughout the years has helped more than therapy or anyone else. You’ve given me a lot to think about here and put things into perspective. You are right that moving away would not likely alleviate my anxiety because it’s always been there. I switched therapists after you pointed out that one of my previous ones was giving out very dubious advice, and my new one is much better. However, when I told her about this dilemma yesterday, she basically told me that yes, I should move because the US is a mess. It left me feeling a bit overwhelmed with even more questions than I had before the session. I’m grateful that you could share a different perspective!

I’m wondering if there is any hope for someone like me who will probably always struggle with anxiety coming and going (usually triggered by world events or family issues completely out of my control) – in addition to therapy, exercise, and meditation. These are helpful for me to an extent but find sometimes I feel I could need a bit more for a bad day. CBD? Magnesium supplements? Ashwaghanda? Not sure if that’s beyond the scope of here but I’m just curious since you know so much about anxiety!

Hi Anita,

Thank you, and I completely agree. My parents are big city lawyers at the top of their organizations. I always thought they were decent people but seem to have been more radicalized recently. The only silver-lining I see is that, until recently, I always sought their approval and was very hurt when I didn’t get it. Seeing the types of things they stand for (i.e. Trump) was a wake up call, and I no longer have the desire for the approval of people like that, parents or not.

Thank you again for all of your help. Fingers crossed for a change in administration in November and for the end of the pandemic. I’ll touch base here in a few months if I’m still feeling unsure about a 2nd child and run my thoughts past you, if that’s ok. You are the best.

Charlotte