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Charly

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  • #318757
    Charly
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes it’s a very painful thought. But I know it’s partially  my cheating since that’s the only thing he’s communicated. I think he’s suffering from some kind of trauma I cause him and still stuffing from. And I’m dealing with that.

    To answer your second question, I don’t think I can do much to help him with that. I guess, right now, I feel like if he’s still around he might have some realization that he doesn’t need to go. I guess I feel like if he’s still around there’s  still hope that he’ll stay.

    #318685
    Charly
    Participant

    Hi Anita

     

    Thank you for you reply’s. They are very thought provoking. And to respond to your comment. I honest think it’s a bit of all three as well as maybe he still does have a soft spot(I’m basing that off some current interactions we’ve had) for me. So I think it’s just as hard for him as it is for me. But still, the big question is where does all of this go from here and that’s seems the hardest question to get answered.

    #318683
    Charly
    Participant

    Hello everyone.

    I just want to apologize for late responses I’m still dealing with this on a daily basis. But I do want to thank everyone that’s commented. I think this has helped me so much.

    I don’t think it’s so much of a “guilt trip”, I think it’s more remorse and A hope and wish things can change. Especially when I’m only receiving partial information for him it’s easy to make up a dialogue on my own. I did find very good resources at AffairRecovery.com. I’m now understanding this more from his perspective. But now the hardest part is understanding that I just need to let him do what he needs to do.

    With that said, it isn’t an easy task. It’s not easy to let something or someone you love go, especially when you know your losing something amazing. I don’t want another person or an relationship, I want him and him only. But it’s really hard dealing with the fact that it might never be.

    I think I left out some crucial information in my Initial post. I’ve been with my partner since I was 16 years old I’m now in my 30s. When I cheating I was in my early 20s. So I’m starting to understand that I wasn’t mature enough or ready to have such a serious relationship. It’s not because I wanted to hurt my partner it’s just I didn’t know how to communicate what I wanted and ended up being unfaithful.  We have a teenage son and We’ve never been without him.

     

    #317725
    Charly
    Participant

    This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.

    Hello,

     

    I guess the honest truth is I do not what our relationship to end. I’ve worked on myself and actions and think I’m more mature about our relationship and understanding myself and my actions. I don’t want him to leave, i think I’m a totally different person that the girl I was before I want to work it out but I know I can’t force anyone to love me again. It’s just a hard to let go with all the guilt and love I still have.

    And just to be clear he is still very nice and a proper person. But is not the type to go into details about his feelings. So a lot of the time I’m just making up the rest of the story. At this point all I know is that he feels he wants to “see what else is out there” but will not take the steps to move on. I think that’s what confuses me most, and honestly gives me (I guess at this point falsely) hope that he’s seeing the changes I’ve made personally and wants to rebuild what I had. Maybe I’m being naive and just can’t let go. It’s not his fault but mine and the end of the day.

    Oh, and to add, I own the apartment and everything in it . As much as I wish I could get up and leave,I cant. It’s very uncomfortable sometimes.

    Charly

    • This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by Charly.
    • This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by Charly.
    #317615
    Charly
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Not really. Its very complicated which is why I am a bit confused. He will sleep in my bed but its almost like if we were just close friends, no intimacy or sex coming from him. But gets moody if I ask him to sleep else where. Very conflicting actions.

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