Dear Lily, your experience was real, and the feelings you felt were real. I had received the “what else did you expect?/ Move on” comments from well-intentioned friends and it wasn’t easy to hear. They were, in their own way, trying to be supportive. Nomatter what is said by others, itdoesn’t take away the realness of what you experienced. You went through it, it’s real for you and there’s nothing to prove.

I hear what you say about long distance, it can be harder to have clarity of what is going on and where the relationship stands. And we try to make sense of it with our experience and whatever information we have. It’s not so much imagining something that isn’t there but more of trying to make sense of the reality that you were experiencing. If there are expectations (which is normal and very human), then there is room for disappointment and hurt. At some level, you might still be looking for answers and that can make it hard to make peace with what has happened. I wonder whether you might want to try writing a letter to the person (not to be sent) and letting your questions, frustrations and emotions out. Write out what has been painful and difficult, write out what you had appreciated and learned from it and say anything that you have been harbouring, and finally end with forgiveness and goodbye if you can. It might help in making sense of what happened.

Adding to what Ruminant said, be aware of the tormenting thoughts and the story that your mind is telling you. If the story isn’t helping you and hurting you more, then see what an alternative narrative could be. You were present, real and opened your heart to care for another. While you did get hurt, you have since worked hard and taking this experience and making it something that you can learn and grow from. Let this be a story of your strength and courage. 🙂

• This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by chermich.

Reading your post was comforting. The person I had an intense relationship with went quiet a few weeks after leaving the country for studies in September. After telling me how much I meant to her and that she wanted to still be close. I learned that she moved on a month later to someone who had been texting her quite a bit while we were together, though she kept assuring me that they were just friends. There’s a deep sense of betrayal that she still strung me along and made me believe that he felings for me ran deep when there was someone else in the picture. Anyway, she was supposed to be home for Christmas, and it became a period I dreaded, to remember the plans we had that were not going to be. I’ve crafted out many emails that I didn’t send and in many ways have tried to build myself up again. The relapse does happen from time to time and I try to catch myself before it spirals too much. I’m sure we’re all growing from this, and it’s good to know that we are not walking this path alone. Here’s to less relapses!