This is very much like my situation, Only I take the role mostly of your BF. My wife is very open about finances and her felling while I have always been secretive. We ended up combining them but I still have my own bank account for extras that I do not discuss. I feel every guy needs his own money, that he earns to do with as he wishes without having to asnwer for it (within the moral obligations of a relationship, of course). I started becoming very sensitve because I felt every action I took would be open to criticism. Women need to make there man feel respected and valued despite their flaws (we all have many) and men need to make women feel loved. I believe this was the attempt with the cooking, massages, etc. At the same time him leaving and sending mixed messages really negated the positive attempts.

It’s so difficult for men and women to understand the opposite sexes approach to arguments. I am seperated now but used to always leave during an argument because I felt outgunned and unheard. When you argue who shouts the most? Are the different opinions both being heard and recognized or is the argument just going the same direction until one person folds? I would always leave for a few hours to cool my head and think about it. I think as long as the agreement is if he does leave then there is a commitment to revisit it with clear heads. We didn’t do that and that’s a big reason I am where I am because I would just leave and go to the bar and come back when I wanted. We would then push it under the rug and the issue would go unresolved.

He cannot choose friends or family over you, there has to be a healthy balance where he visits them but not if you had plans. Also, if he was comitted, he needs to form a true partnership with you and share the important details of life with you.

There really is no blame here though, you are both human and we all make mistakes in relationships. In this relationship the mistakes seemed equal on both sides. I must say that I noticed at least twice that you said “he brings the worst out of you” I think that says it all right there. If you can bring the best out of each other, then everything else will fall into place over time.