Hi Simonete,
This is a tough one because patterns get created when we are in relationships that are dysfunctional. Especially in families It sounds like he has set up a mode of operation that he feels works for him and he may be surprised that not everyone does the same thing.

With someone like that (Please realize I don’t know the whole story so bear this in mind as you read my advice) I have had great success in using super high admiration for the times he is truthful and make a very safe environment for him. In your note it is not clear whether he lies all the time or only in certain circumstances with you. Does he break all the rules, even the super important ones? Is he acting criminally? These are important distinctions.

At some point, he likely decided that telling lies was a way to survive better. You can try getting him to see that this is not needed in present time.

Mostly what I have found though is that creating a super safe and non judgmental environment with lots of admiration for the good parts of him can have a magical effect on someone and make them blossom.

They unhappy times in his life have to be balanced out with happier times. Once this ratio is changed, people do a lot better. I hope this makes sense.
Chris

Hi Beth,
I know exactly how you feel. I too have lost a loved pet and there is nothing like a loss of someone important to make us feel that we could have somehow done better. I think have probably felt that with every loss I have had. The thing I will say to you is that every day, each one of us is doing the absolute best we know how to survive well and to help others survive well. Sometimes we have to make decisions for which there is no happy ending and it is a really sucky part of life.
But, let me point out something for you. You adopted this guy when he was abandoned. That right there is such a huge deal for a dog. You saved him from a life with no love.
We always wish we could do more for those we love but sometimes we need to look at what we did do that was right.
In answer to your other questions, no regret is not punishment, it is just a wish that something never happened. That is all.
Are you being selfish? no not at all you are grieving for a loved one.
There is a short process you can do that will make you feel better. Have someone ask you this question: “Find something that is not reminding you of (your dog’s name)”. When we are in grief, everything reminds us of the one we lost. Have the person ask you to find thing after thing in your environment that is not reminding you of your dog and to not say anything other than to simply acknowledge you for answering the question. .At some point you will pop out of the sadness and usually have some sort of realization about life. This is based on technology developed by L Ron Hubbard to assist people who have lost someone they loved. It is called “Loss of a person Assist” but I have done this with my kids when they lost their pets and it works really well. Hope you find this helpful!

You are so welcome Tamanna! I ma so glad I was able to help you. I think you have made the right decision. You have so much greatness to give to the world and you will find people who see that greatness and love you for who you are. Meanwhile look for greatness in them and you will help them too. Good luck! :)!

XO Chris

Well said Lea!
Sleep paralysis is that period of sleep when your body does not respond to brain messages to move because otherwise you would be running around while you are asleep. It is a normal transition between sleep and wakefulness. It can be scary when we wake up before our bodies fully do. The key is not to panic and gently remind your body to wake up. It works. It helps to also realize that we are not our bodies and we can control them. They do not have to control us.
As a personal note, I would limit drugs for anxiety as they can have side effects. That is my own personal thought and is not meant to make anyone wrong or be judgmental at all. Each person must make the decision that they feel is right for them.
I always believe that stress has causes in life. It doesn’t just happen and if you can find and correct the cause, you will be happier and your stress will be easily handled. It could be people or situations that need to be addressed and for each person it is different. One rule of thumb I have found to work every time in detecting people that I should avoid is this: Anywhere in life where you do not call your soul, your own, you have a situation you probably need to address. By calling your soul your own, I mean, do you have to walk on eggshells? would someone be upset if you pursued what you knew to be the right course of action for you?
If the answers to these questions are yes, figure out who it is and try to handle it with them. if you cannot, then separate out from them. Your stress will magically diminish. Look through all areas of your life with this criteria and handle the things that you see. You can create a whole new life!
Lea your advice to Garret, I thought was great! I think that people in general need to look at they way they are treated and ask themselves if someone you loved was being treated this way by another person, would you be ok with it. If not, then you can’t allow yourself to be treated that way. It is not ok.
Garret I hope these things help you! It is tough to pull away but its like surgery. You get better and wonder how you ever lived like that before.
Give yourself a pat on the back and treat yourself to something nice. In fact, treat yourself like you would treat the person you most love in the world. Don’t do anything to yourself that you would not do to anther person that you love. We have to be our own best friends always.
good luck you guys!
XO Chris

Hi Garrett,
Here is my advice for what it is worth. I believe that there are people we find ourselves with who simply are not healthy for us to be around. This does not mean that one is bad or good, right or wrong, it is just that for some reason this other person causes thoughts and feelings in us that are not healthy. There is something in our minds or souls that react negatively with certain people for whatever reason. This may or may not be the case with you but if it is, I suggest you find another place to live and cut the communication with this person way down or even discontinue it.
I had a situation with someone I really liked but I could not communicate with this person. Every time I tried to talk to her my communication never got through and I was left feeling misunderstood. It caused me pain and confusion and I found myself spinning. This person was not bad, she was a good person but for whatever reason she caused that reaction in me. I had no choice but to cut off communication with her. It was really hard because I adored her but it was necessary for my survival.
If this is happening to you, do not try to explain it to the other person, he will likely not understand based on his previous reactions. Just find a new place, give a plausible excuse that does not make the other person wrong and pull away.
From my experience, when we find ourselves driven to do harmful things to ourselves, there is a person or a situation that causes it in us. Sometimes the person is evil and doing and saying abusive things but sometimes they are not. It is just a reaction.
This may or may not be true for you so take what you can use from this and I hope it gives you peace.
Good luck with your situation.
XO Chris

Hi Vaishalig,
I see that Anders has responded to your question and I agree with everything he says.
When I was 21, the same thing happened to me except that I found out that my husband had been cheating all along and I never knew. I was very young and very idealistic. I could not believe that such a huge betrayal could happen to me.
I too cried all the time. It was the hardest thing I had ever experienced and believe it or not, I was surprised when I woke up in the morning and found I had not died of a broken heart. I know it sounds dramatic but it was very real to me at the time. It was also very confusing.
I will tell you the one thing that got me through this very, very bad point in life and that was talking to people who had been through something similar and had somehow managed to come out the other side and find happiness with someone who really cared about them.
For me, it was good that it happened when it did. I was young (so are you!) and I knew that what I had thought was the perfect marriage was something that I had created in my mind and it wasn’t real. Sooner or later it would end this way and it was better to face it now and deal with it than to put it off until later.
Since the wonderful ladies that I met who had been through it were there for me, I will be here for you.
Believe me when I tell you that you are very much stronger than you feel you are right now. I promise you that. The very fact that this is causing you so much pain tells me that you are a person who feels things deeply and therefore is capable of great love and commitment. You deserve someone who is also capable of that too. You will find it.
I did go on to get married again. It was 10 years later but when I found the right man, I knew it was right. We have been married for 25 years now and will be together until the end of our lives. This is what you deserve and this is what you can create. Put It out to the universe that you want a really good man and you will find one. But first take your time and heal. The one thing about going through really tough times is that we start to see how powerful and strong we really are.
You will get through it and you will be happy again.
Good luck!
XO Chris