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Thank you so much for your reply. I was nervous when I started reading your message thinking “oh no what happened back then!” I have come a LONG way and I am developing and learning skills to deal with situations. However, I still do struggle and sometimes I can over think massively.
My daughter goes to nursery throughout the week, which are the days myself and husband are working, so our time to get jobs done is on the evenings/weekends, which is also when we have the baby and much of our attention is on her. We have found a way around such as splitting responsibility and doing a few hours each.. but it’s not the same as just having some time out the two of us and getting stuff done for a few hours – together!
At this moment in time, I don’t think that will happen, I am just having to find a way to accept them for who they are (which is very hard).
Yes, I agree with what you are saying. I guess my fear is if I drop all these people I will end up with nobody, or feel like I’m cutting my nose off. I have lots of acquaintances but no real friends who would be there for me.
Hmm, I don’t ever get angry at them (The only time I’ve ever shown any negative feeling, is when they have approached me and I always am calm) and definitely not passive aggressive, my partner says complete opposite – that I’m too nice.
The thing is, I never share any of my feelings with them – unless forced. So it’s something that’s happening, without me realising?
Thanks for your help.
I’m still concerned about my grandma and what we can do as she can’t make it any ideas?December 5, 2016 at 11:56 am in reply to: Boyfriend Throwing In Towel After Rough Weekend Together? #121976
It sounds like you are having a tough time knowing what to do.
My advice would be, to give him space. Don’t text or call, don’t arrange to meet up or fix anything. He is unsure of what to do by the sounds of it and nobody likes to feel stressed or drained.
Give him a bit of breathing space and see if he comes to you. If after a few days/week he hasn’t – maybe send him a text message – completely off topic “Do you fancy going for some food on Saturday?” and see what his reply is.
If he doesn’t respond or he tells you he still wants to be friends, then there is nothing you can do. If he meant what he said when he said he wants to marry you, then he will come round. Maybe then calmly chat about how you need to talk this over next time and avoid this happening again.
Thanks so much VJ that’s really helpful 🙂
Yes i understand this. I am trying to ‘breathe’ more when i’m feeling tense. I’m having relapses, but thankfully I am now more self aware – which is the good news, so I can notice what is happening and the triggers etc.
It usually always happens at home. So I can retreat to another room, for me – I always like to ‘resolve’ everything there and then. So even if we agree to disagree for the next few hours i feel i couldn’t sleep that night until i’ve resolved it, but generally speaking i wouldn’t be in a place to discuss the same day. I have trouble ‘letting things go’…
Maybe there is a good book i could read? I always feel inspired for ‘change’ when i read.
I am 100% responsible for my behaviour. I am working with 2 therapists and a nutritionist. I eat extremely well and i exercise. I am doing everything I can to help manage this.
My first relationship was actually a female, she was mentally and physically abusive, I wasn’t attracted to her and I was manipulated into the relationship at 17 years old after splitting with my boyfriend of 3 years, she befriended me. Due to the fear of killing herself if I left her, I stayed with her for 6 years. She attempted once and so did her dad. It took a lot of inner strength and courage to take myself out of that relationship.
My current relationship could not be more different he is loving and sensitive. We are pretty much perfect aside this current problem. He doesn’t know how to handle this side of me, because he has never dealt with it before. Again, its not his fault. I just struggle due to my conditions and “past”.
I have had A LOT of health problems and family problems, which are probably the result of all this – however, I have worked with a therapist for over 6 yrs working through past and current events and root causes – this is a long road and it has got better, but we still have a long way to go. I have just had a 3 hour session. If I have 2 bad days a month, I believe its progress – not perfect, but it can be resolved. I have spoken with both therapists, who have advised to support me during this time – not accept it, as i am making a change (which is very different from accepting my behaviour).
Actually, i may give that a go. One day of no-neediness tomorrow. Will be hard. I feel like i am playing a game though!
I am having therapy still.
I have had a lot of issues to work through and 2 years on, a lot of past issues still are not resolved. Sometimes its hard to identify the problems or feelings i had as a child, to work through them. I don’t remember feeling unloved, i just know as a family we weren’t close. It doesn’t upset me either…