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Claudia

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #217299
    Claudia
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I’m not sure where to go from here.. I feel so hurt, lost and confused. I’m trying to work on myself take yoga classes and gym classes during the week to keep myself preoccupied and on the weekend I try to keep myself busy by having plans but I have to admit that this is always in the back of my mind and I sometimes start crying out at the most inconvenient times ( during work if I feel really anxious I’ll go to the bathroom and start crying). I have even tried therapy.. and the first meeting where I told my story helped a little because I was able to vent in a way… but the second meeting where she was telling me to do all the things I’m already doing and then proceeded to tell me that true love will find me and it took her to her forties to find it wasn’t so helpful.(I’m 27 and from Latin America so although I know its wrong I do feel pressured to marry before I’m 30 or I will have even failed at that)… My therapist then proceeded to tell me that there are creeps out there in the world and that my ex might have been manipulating me and I might not get my laptop back. This meeting was not helpful at all and instead of feeling better and hopeful I have to admit made me feel worse about myself. It was like she was basically telling me I was an awful judge of character and well f***  this sucks for you… I don’t know what to do and I’m trying to focus and work on myself but I can’t seem to shake this…. I don’t know where to go from here.

    #217101
    Claudia
    Participant

    Yes I do think that statement is true..

    #217077
    Claudia
    Participant

    I meant- I’m not sure,* he blocked me

    #217075
    Claudia
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’m not sure he blocked me and took my cousin off of his Instagram and that is when he started posting pictures of him and his current girlfriend on there. I found out through coworkers since I don’t have an Instagram… so that’s what I refer to when I say was it all a lie… I’m not sure if you can go from being in a relationship where you talk almost every second of the day to blocking them and having someone new in that span of time… .I’m not over it at all and I still have some hope (idk if that’s stupid) that he will come back because I truly cherished our relationship. I consider myself a pretty private person and I have never taken any boyfriends to meet my parents and I invited him to have Thanksgiving with us last year. I just feel so lost,  confused, and hurt since the last thing he said to be before blocking me was that he truly loved me and no one will ever come close to the love I gave him to suddenly blocking me and putting up pictures of the girl he cheated on me on his Instagram with hashtags like #loveher and #myqueen…. it’s the most hurtful thing.. that’s what I mean by Idk what what changed? … I guess I just have never felt this way about someone and I’m scared that I will never find someone that I will be able to open up to like that or that I will ever love like I love him….

    #216753
    Claudia
    Participant

    Anita,

    I have not given up on him.. although I am trying to.. he has blocked me and is in another relationship. I still love him and truly want him to be happy and if there was anyway I could help him with his problems I would because I realize he has been through a lot and hurt people hurt people. But at this point I’m lost as to how to help him and will just continue to pray for him and his happiness. It’s hard because he has broken me in the process ?but deep down he is a good person and we were super happy and close for 3 years .. I just don’t know what changed or if it was all a lie ?

    #216705
    Claudia
    Participant

    Thank you Mark.. that article helped me realize that I may have been the only one in love ? It’s a hard pill to swallow ..

    Anita, I appreciate your help in this and everyone that has replied to this post.. I really appreciate you all since I don’t have many people to turn to for this. In reading that article I think I will continue to love him and I will forever miss my best friend…  But I if I am giving 100% loyalty and someone else (no matter how much he means to me) isn’t I don’t think it’s something I can do… if you guys have any tips to how to make this easier I would very much appreciate it. ..

    #216645
    Claudia
    Participant

    How do I stop loving him? I know everything he did is wrong and he broke my trust and relationships can only be built on honesty, trust and loyalty which I have none of those from him now. But I’m still very much in love and care for him… how do I make it stop? ? I miss him soo much

    #216451
    Claudia
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I appreciate the reply and for helping me,

     

    The relationship was secret in the workplace since that is where we met. Everyone knew we were best friends and spoke very highly of each other but that was it. It was not secret outside of the workplace though.. I knew his son and we went out together to the beach and museums together with my ex not hiding that I was his girlfriend from him. I met his family when they would come down to visit him and he had Thanksgiving with my family. When he was out of his apartment and waiting on this transfer ( which took about a Month) he lived a couple houses down from me in my cousins place since they had an extra room where he could stay.

    He told me his relationship with his mom is not the best and that she had favored his other two siblings but the relationship with her has since gotten better. He was favored by his dad which I should have mentioned passed away around the same time as his divorce so I know that he was going through a lot. He told me that he didn’t have time to properly grieve since he is the oldest and everyone was grieving while he had to take care of it.

    I feel horrible and I don’t know if the past 3 years didn’t mean as much to him as they did to me. Or if this is a psychological issue but I truly do love him and wish I could help but I don’t know if that’s just me being stupid… I can’t help but stop thinking that he is doing the same things I showed him with this other girl and calling her the same names that he called me while I’m over here feeling like I’m drowning 🙁 He was sending me messages not even a month ago with things like “I’m the one that has to live with this and no one will ever live up to your love and I will always love you” and ” I’m trying to stay out of my head because knowing that I am able to hurt someone I love is hard to realize”…. Going from that to being blocked and seeing pictures like that absolutely broke my heart. If this person truly does make him happier then I love him enough to let him go because his happiness truly matters to me but I don’t want to live with this hurt and not being able to heal from this since I never got closure. I don’t know another way to go about it since I was blocked without even  knowing why. And I’m scared of not being able to have another relationship where I could open up like that since this one ended so bad..

     

    #216309
    Claudia
    Participant

    i,

    I’ve been feeling the worst I have ever felt in my life and wanted to reach out to see if you could help me at all.. I don’t have many to turn to. I was in a 3 year relationship with the person I thought I would marry. We hardly fought and I helped him through a hard time in his life( he was getting over a divorce). Going through a divorce is hard and He told me that there had been cheating by his ex and that how badly she treated him. He seemed very kind and genuine so I helped with whatever I could financially and as a supportive girlfriend. And although I knew he didn’t have much he helped me see the world differently through different religions mainly Hindu and yoga. I loved learning all the new things and everything seemed to workout perfect. In my eyes we were very happy throughout our relationship but one day he got a call from his ex wife saying she couldn’t take it anymore and she was giving him full custody of their son. He was so happy about this news but had to move with his mom since he had no family to help him other than myself and we worked the same shift at our jobs. His mom lives 3 hours away. We decided that we would attempt a long distance relationship. But in the months of him going back in forth getting ready for the move his seemed different distant and I confronted him about it and he said it was just stress about having his whole life turned up side down. I tried to help with the move even though I was heartbroken that he was leaving but in the 2 months he took moving he was distant while he was at his moms. He finally moved and would hardly talk to me and I was distraught. I was having such a hard time with him leaving and he seemed to be to busy and having the greatest time in Fresno. I confronted him again. And this time he said it would be best if we broke up but remained friends because he was sad how much I was hurting … I was blindsided since This was the person that was my best friend and we seemed so perfect for each other. I begged him to reconsider but he didn’t budge. Throughout the month he continued to talk to me as if nothing happened and asking me how it was going but I was so hurt I kept things short. One night he called me and we had a friendly conversation but then he calles me a few minutes it sounded as if he was crying and he was saying how much he missed me and wished he could see me .. I cried as well thinking this is the man I knew for 3 years… we made plans to see each other the coming Saturday ( phone call was on Thursday) . But Friday came and he said he was very sorry but he had to cancel because of work. I was sad but understood. That Saturday morning I got a alert from my Paypal saying I had booked an AirBNB. I downloaded the app since we had a joint account to make sure there was no fraud. He had booked an AirBNB for the same day he cancelled on me for him and his gf.. I immediately text him and asked him if he had a gf and he took a while to reply but said “I’m sorry”. I did not know how to react. I asked so many questions with hardly any answers and told him I hated him. The next days he kept trying to contact me saying it wasn’t what I thought but I did not reply. I shipped everything he had given to me to his house and did not answer his texts. I finally caved hoping it really wasn’t true but he told me he met a girl that was way out of his league and they liked the same stuff but he swore he didn’t talk to her anymore. I loved him so much I kept replying to his messages hoping there would be a way to make up. But he was so off and on and it led to anxiety and panic attacks from me where I would text “I can’t believe you would ruin what we had” and such texts during these panic attacks. He still seemed very sorry until a month ago when I found out he blocked my family from his social media and me from text messages. I did not understand what happened. I’ve spend this month trying to better myself and constantly going to the gym and yoga and constantly praying to every God, deity and saint I know that he remembers what we were and wants me back. Last night was trying to help out a coworker who also knew him with his troubles and my ex was brought up by him (he didn’t know about our relationship) and without me asking he told me that he had talked to him not long ago and my ex said he couldn’t be happier. He had found a woman ( the lady who he cheated on me with) they were together and very happy and even showed me a picture of them at a place where I took him on one of our first dates. I have been inconsolable since ? he still has all of my stuff that I let him borrow including my laptop that I will be needing next month for school but now I’m not sure what to do…. I know this is very long but I really hope you read it and are able to help me… I don’t know anywhere else to go

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)