I really don’t want to mention them, but I have a therapist and is on medication and all that. For the longest time, my dad didn’t want me on meds.

He didn’t believe it was real or that bad or whatever. He wasn’t supportive.

Ok so here’s the problem… my boyfriend would have no where to go if I broke up with him… he’s basically living with me now after I gave him the ok to multiple times… this is all my fault… I made this situation so much worse for him but I don’t know, I just thought maybe I had some relationship anxiety and I needed to ignore or fight it…

And well… he moved in actually… and I was excited. I was happy about him moving in and the thought still excites me. If I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t have been happy about him moving in right? But I don’t know anymore… maybe I really am kidding myself.

If I really didn’t like him though, wouldn’t I not have that inner voice telling me that I love him? Or have I been lying to myself? I couldn’t sworn I felt the sparks too at times… but maybe I’m just kidding myself?

Thank you. I’m sorry about what has happened to you though… I hope you can come at peace with your past…

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The first thing that I think about though… isn’t that how I truly feel? Like sometimes the first thing I want to do is break up and tell him I don’t like him. It’s the first thing that comes to mind whenever I ask relationship questions. So I should go with that right? It doesn’t really explain any other feelings I’ve been experiencing though, like how I think the relationship is the beat ever. nd then this morning I was thinking about breaking up and i was like hes the one for me?

I see… yeah, I was talking with my grandmother and I did say that if I break up with him I’ll probably actually regret it later down the line…

It all makes sense now.

And my dad wasn’t emotionally available, but like, I thought I was over what my parents have done? I don’t really think about my mom anymore and my dad is better now.