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February 5, 2019 at 6:06 pm #278871MollyParticipant
Anita,
Your last message resonates with me now more than ever. I’ve been reading that we were biologically evolved to depend on each other. I am learning to embrace the vulnerability involved in depending on someone. Because as you mentioned, right now that feels scary for me. I’ve come to realized the sophisticated ways I create distance in a romantic relationship that I wasn’t really aware of. Just thank you!
February 5, 2019 at 5:59 pm #278869MollyParticipantHi Anita, Ben, and Mark,
I wanted to update you all as your reflections were very helpful to me.
I am sure why I began not feeling good. I just started asking myself more and more what was the message for me. I realized I want to move to a rural area. I currently live in a urban city. I noticed I feel the most peaceful when the first thing I do is wake up and take my dogs for a hike. Ever since I made that realization I felt content again. And its been consistent. I am not sure if the realization was a coincidence in timing. I am not holding off on being content until I move. I feel good now.
As a side note, I’ve been reading about attachment theory in adults and realized I have an avoidant attachment style. Now that it is more on an awareness level more me, I am learning to not see dependency as a weakness.
I just wanted to expressed my gratitude.
January 6, 2019 at 3:36 pm #272641MollyParticipantAnita,
I am intrigued to think about this new perspective. Maybe a past trauma is wanting to surface. I have a really hard time remembering my childhood. I have a very poor memory of it. I often idealize it. Do you suggest any particular methods?
January 6, 2019 at 3:30 pm #272639MollyParticipantHi Mark,
I agree with you, the sadness is the problem. I also know that being in a relationship is not going to change that. I will listen to that podcast! I do keep a daily forgiveness and gratitude journal. As I mention, I at least verbalize some compassion towards myself daily.
Right now, my approach is to try to engage in things I would be doing if I was feeling good as much as possible – make my bed, exercise, reading, creating jewelry. But as a I mention, sometimes it feels to painful and physically overwhelming to get up and enjoy the blessings.
January 6, 2019 at 3:24 pm #272637MollyParticipantBen,
I’m 28 years old. I’m not against a relationship, at least not on my conscious level.
I’m not too sure what point you are intending to communicate in the second paragraph. I would love to understand. Please explain.
Why do I want to understand my pain?
I want to understand it because it feels physically painful. When I feel like this, it is incredibly hard to get out of bed and engage in what is meaningful to me. For example, I teach a class and I want to use the day for lesson planing. However, when I’m so engulfed by sadness and anxiety, its very difficult for me take action. I do take action, but it’s hard. I also like to feel inspired when planning for my class and what I want to contribute to my students.
I’m not a very good friend when I don’t feel good inside. This feels different to how I’ve experienced sadness in the past. This feels much more physical.
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