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David

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 20 total)
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  • in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #398475
    David
    Participant

    Hi helcat and honey blossom:

    I did what my therapist and you Helcat recommended and blocked her.

    She doesn’t want me to change for the better. Only wants me to hurt for what I did to her. She said that she’s going to travel to where I live and spend the summer making sure I’m not dating anyone. She said too that I’m not going to date anyone for years because she will let them know what I did to her and who I am. It feels like no matter what I do will never be enough cause she just wants to hurt me.

    I’m going to keep going to therapy because I want to be a better person. I will have to tell any future partners about her too. I dont wanna tell my job but I will if I have to.

    David

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #397762
    David
    Participant

    Hi helcat:

    IDK what to do. We’ve been talking for a few months now. But she keeps reminding me that I’m not going to date anyone else for the next few years without her inferring. Like she said that if I do that she’ll find her and tell her that I was in an open relationship with her and used to listen to her have sex. My counselor said that I know that I made mistakes and acknowledged them. I apologized many times to her. My therapist its fair if I block her calls or don’t respond.

    I told her like a month ago that I need time alone because Im in counseling but she won’t let me have it. Like she just wants to keep hurting me even though she’s still with this guy we were in a relationship with. Yeah I don’t want my family or job to find out cause it’s my personal life. I didn’t do anything while I was on the clock.

    David

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #397702
    David
    Participant

    Hi Helcat:

    I told her that I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. First I told her that I needed some time alone. But she won’t stop calling and texting at random times. My therapist said to block her but I am really worried that she’ll call my job or family if I do. Its like she just wants to punish me.

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #397585
    David
    Participant

    Hi helcat:

    It ok. I replied to your message late. I didn’t get bulled at school. Sometimes I got teased. I kinda kept to myself and tried to hide.

    I get stressed out when she calls and messages me. My stomach churns and my heart races. She already called people at my old job trying to find out who I was dating. She threatened to get me fired at my new job. I don’t know how cause I am a good employee. She wants to know every one I dated and threatens to call the ones she knows about to hurt them and hurt me. I know that I made a big mistake but it feels like she wants to keep punishing me. I’m not trying to keep the truth from her but I dont want her contacting the woman I was dating. I don’t even talk to them anymore!

    David

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #397561
    David
    Participant

    She won’t stop calling and texting me. She wants more and more details. She says she deserves to know names and the whole truth. This has been going on for three months. 🙁

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #397166
    David
    Participant

    Hi helcat:

    I’m not real sure why I was so shy. I was very gangly and never felt smart enough or like I really fit in. Like in school I just wanted to hide in the back. I never played sports and didnt volunteer for anything. I felt like students would judge me or like I couldn’t really be myself around them because they would think I was weird. I never really feel like I fit in. Even now.

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #396874
    David
    Participant

    Hi Helcat:

    Umm I guess I never feel like I’m accepted by people. Maybe I’m scared what they will think of me. I had low self esteem when I was younger too. I always felt alone a lot as a kid. I didnt really have a lot of friends because I was shy.

    My parents were never violent and never really scolded me. They didn’t drink either. They are still married too so I don’t think they cheated on each other.

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #396846
    David
    Participant

    Hi helcat:

    I think I just wanted a kinda normal relationship. I didn’t want to be in an open relationship any more and I didn’t think that I could have one with her after everything that happened. I sort of had normal relationships with the women I dated even thought I was lying to everyone. I know she was humiliated too. She is angry that she did all these sexual things because she thought that we had a future. I did too for a long time. I guess that I gave up on that dream we shared but couldn’t find a way to tell her. So I didn’t until it was too late.

    I have been working on being vulnerable around others with my therapist cause I really never had been with people. I truth a lot of people but I never feel like I can be myself around them. My therapist thinks its how I was raised but I don’t know. I feel like my parents did a good job raising me.

    David

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #396409
    David
    Participant

    Thank you Helcat. I will do what you suggested. I started to see a therapist before everything with so wrong. I do feel hurt by it and I feel alot of shame for my behavior and that I let it go on for so long. If I coulda stopped without her finding out that I was dating other women then it wouldn’t have hurt her so much. I took away her trust in me and in people. It was a mess already and I made it messier with my lies. I know that I gotta work on my empathy and why I felt like I needed to hide. and why I enjoyed feeling shamed and humiliated by her and him.

    David

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #396405
    David
    Participant

    Hi helcat:

    I told her a few months ago that I started seeing a therapist and was trying to change. That I didnt wanna try to carry on the relationship cause I needed to change. The sexual stuff was an addiction like you and Honey Blossom said and I needed to stop. I kept thinking that we talked about this voyerism and sexual stuff together but I know that I did encourage her to reconnect with her ex boyfriend. After the reconnected it seemed like she was having so much fun with him but I guess maybe she was just doing it for me cause she thought that we would all be together. I did too until I changed my mind. It did get out of control and I wasn’t man enough to stop it or tell her the truth. I just kept on feeding my addiction. 🙁

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #396402
    David
    Participant

    I tried to distance myself from her the last year or so. She stopped allowing me to listen to them in early 2020. But we still kind of kept up the sexting and lewd pictures from me. I think she may be a sex addict too. I know how angry and hurt she is but she still messages me pictures that I sent her. Like she wants to remind me of our sexual connection or something. It’s hard because she’ll text me that I’m a liar and a POS and then send me pictures later. Friends have told me to block her. I haven’t because I dont wanna just shut her out cause that doesn’t seem fair.

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #396395
    David
    Participant

    Hi helcat:

    I know that I lied to her. And that I deceived her and hurt her. I shoulda ended things years ago. It became an addiction for me. But I don’t enjoy watching her suffer and didnt ask her to humiliate and degrade herself. This was a friend that she was attracted. She liked to hang out with him. They still hang out. I wanted that open relationship but I didn’t make the commitment to it. I guess because I didn’t really know if I wanted it and I was lonely. She kept a lot hidden from me too. I’m not blaming her at all. I just wasn’t ready to commit and wasn’t strong enough or whatever to walk away from it.

    I don’t wanna hurt anyone any more. I do feel bad for all her time I wasted and what I did to her. I wanna stop being that person I was and am.

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #396369
    David
    Participant

    Hi hellcat:

    I know its gonna be hard to change. I start doing counseling because I want to learn how to let people in and be truthful with them and not keep living this secret kind of life. Guess I’m really struggling because the woman I was in an open relationship won’t stop calling and texting me. I dont want to be in a relationship with her anymore but she keeps calling and messaging me calling me a liar and an asshole who wasted her life. I know what I did and I apologized to her but I don’t think she really wants me to change. I get that she is really hurt and angry but its like she just wants to hurt me. I guess I deserve it but its hard because I keep getting reminded of who I am while I’m trying to get better.

    Thanks for writing me.

    David

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #396354
    David
    Participant

    Hi samy

    It was a mutual idea at the time. We had discussed for a while. But I think I kinda pushed it on her more than I should have. I used to like to hear about her sex with her ex and encouraged her to reconnect with him. She eventually did but I was seeing somebody on the side and didn’t tell her. She calls me a liar but I deserve it. I starting to see a therapist and I started going to a local Sex Addicts Anonymous mens group. My ex still texts and calls me all the time. She said that I’m a liar and a predator and I use people. She’s right but I am trying to change.

    in reply to: My sexual past ruining relationships #392569
    David
    Participant

    Hi samy:

    Your right that I need to treat women better. Even if I didn’t like really cheat on them, I did keep talking to this woman who I had a sexual relationship with before. That wasn’t right for any of them.

    I told the woman the other day that I don’t wanna talk to her any more. She’s been not eating and been taking Oxy to get thru her days. :-/ She told me that she doesn’t wanna live with all the shame and regret but she won’t tell me where she is. I know that I’m not responsible for her actions but I know I pushed her to this.

    I don’t know whats wrong with me. Yeah I should feel remote and shame. I feel terrible for this woman because she wants to kill herself but my therapist said I’m not responsible for her actions. IDK. I don’t want to be this person any more.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 20 total)