Hi Jane,

Sorry to hear about your story. I have a very similar story, so I completely understand the confusion and anxiety comes with that. All of a sudden you felt you misread where things are at between the two of you, and you put your heart out there for someone who actually can’t reciprocate. The reason he gave me was he didn’t think I was emotionally ready for a serious relationship. I want you to reflect hard because it helped me. I noticed that I was saying stuff that came from fear, which in turns pushed him away (unconsciously to both him & I). My message, trying to meet a need of wanting assurance, was not delivered clearly to him, thus I didn’t get what I need and he started to feel a little taken back. I also noticed that several times he was trying to meet his need for assurance/security of our relationship in subtle ways, I got scared and didn’t respond. That probably also feeds into his feeling of me not wanting to be in a serious relationship. I don’t know if these apply to you, but think back and hard about what you need and what he needs (do you know?). I was able to reach out and he agreed to meet. I told him my realizations above and wanted to own up to my words (or lack of) such as I wish I could have said xxx instead of yyy etc. It was a great meeting; we both have a lot more clarity. I don’t know your situation is similar, but if you do find these “hints” in the past, it will bring you a lot more peace and if you can still talk to him and verify, it will bring closure.  Good luck to you!

Hi Suki,

I would like to send you some warmth over cyberspace.  I see you are feeling hopeless, lonely, unsupported, unjust, painful and sad.  There is no simple or quick answer to change your situation, but I feel you can use some help in getting empathy for yourself.  I want you to know that many people struggled with their own families, and the effects of that, their whole lives.  It is great for you to be aware of what is happening now, and want to choose a different life for yourself.  It will not be easy, but wanting it and choosing it is the first step.

I would like to invite you to attend the Compassion Course (suggested fee is $0/$26/$52/$104 – your own choice) and in a year you will learn, via weekly emails and monthly conference calls (recordings if can’t attend live), how to improve the way you feel and take the step forward to make your life just a little better.  I just have gone through this course myself and can’t be happier and more grateful for this journey I started.  I hope you give it a try.