Awkward situation with counsellor

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 9 months ago by Jason.

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August 1, 2018 at 7:04 am #219845

kaleidoscope
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Hi Everyone, I have a bit of an awkward situation with my counsellor. I’ve been going to him for a number of years and I always liked his brash, no nonsense attitude and his way of telling it like it is. However, recently I feel that he has been acting a bit odd. A few times when I mentioned problems I was having in work or relationships he would tell me to grow up. Once I turned up about 10 mins early for the appointment and he told me I have to come back as I was too early. I appreciate that I was early for the appointment but the way he said it to me was quite angry and made me fell very uncomfortable. He has also a few times recently had to leave the room to answer phone calls on his mobile phone in the middle of the session.

I am quite a sensitive person so maybe it is my own issue for feeling this way? At our last appointment, I told him that I wanted to finish up with the counselling. I said that I was finding it hard to afford it as I didnt want the confrontation of telling him I felt his behaviour was a bit inappropriate. He told me he thought it was a mistake as I dont have anyone else in my life that I can really talk to (which is true). And also that its not a good idea to finish the counselling so suddenly.

Im not really sure how I feel as I feel very uncomfortable to continue on seeing him but I also dont want to start all over again with a new counsellor….We have gone through quite a lot over the few years and I am disapointed 🙁

August 1, 2018 at 10:27 am #219885

Mark
Participant

kaleidoscope,

Having a counselor to tell you to “grow up” is not professional. Not very helpful or useful. Plus answering his phone during a session is incredibly not professional.

End it. Yes it is a pain to start over but having such a non-professional counselor is not good to have.

Mark

August 1, 2018 at 11:13 pm #219959

dreamfool
Participant

If going to him no longer feels helpful, definitely stop going. If it is helpful, but some of these recent behaviors are bothering you, say something or send an email. Maybe something is happening in his life which affects his professional behavior, and he is unaware of it. A good counselor will listen to you on what you have to say about anything, including him, and appreciate your honesty and recognize what you are saying. If he is offended or does not give a response, then walk away, you need someone who can at least communicate to help you.

August 2, 2018 at 8:57 am #220023

Anonymous
Guest

Dear kaleidoscope:

Welcome back, good to read from you again.

If your counselor used to be a professional with you as his client, he is no longer a professional, other than on paper. One goes to a counselor/ psychotherapist so to correct unhealthy pre existing relationships, and not so to get into yet another unhealthy relationship, one with the counselor.

Perhaps you should let him know of his misdeeds with you (maybe he will correct himself immediately, I don’t know), maybe you should enter a complaint about his behavior to an official group that monitors counselors in your area, if such exists, so to hopefully motivate him to act professionally.

Too bad counseling with him has deteriorated that way for you. None of this deterioration is your responsibility, you being the client/ patient, and all of it is his responsibility, being the professional/ counselor.

anita

August 2, 2018 at 10:47 am #220045

Peter
Participant

Hi Kaledoscope: (Great name – mirrors and color whose reflections produce changing patterns… we are more then sum of our parts, more wondrous then we imagine ourselves to be. Note mirroring plays a important part in counselling… )

Counselling can become complex, what with transference and counter transference. The reality is therapists are human with there own stuff to work out. A good therapist will know when their stuff is getting in the way of “seeing” there clients. Actually, this noticing can provide clues to the therapist about what the client needs to address.

Anyway, its inevitable in a long-term counselling relationship for there to be a fall out. More often then not such “fallouts” are needed as part of the healing process. Life demands growth and sometimes counselling can become a to safe place that keeps us the same. When this happens, Life will challenge the relationship. In this case the consoling relationship is providing you with an opportunity to deal with your fear of confrontation. Imagine being fully honest with your therapist and telling him the concerns that you have mention in your post? How would you feel about yourself if you were able to talk about your concerns without fear of what the reply might be? There is nothing in what you said that is embarrassing or are even that confrontational for a professional.

As in all relationships there is always a desire of growth, for all involved, however there is also a desire that things stay the same. Noticing when the confrontation is present is a opportunity that can lead to a ‘awakening’

August 3, 2018 at 5:45 am #220169

Jason
Participant

I find it poor and appalling that a professional said something along the lines of “it is a mistake…I don’t think you have anyone else to talk to”. Such means of trying to continue and string and manipulate you, almost trying to force you to continue (probably for monetary reasons) yet without a thread of empathy. A counsellor should be open minded and honest to you and tell what is best for you. From what it looks like what you have felt is normal; his behaviour is degrading and demeaning and would of course make you feel bad and feel uncomfortable with him as a counsellor.

Brash and no-nonsense is one thing and I am glad you had a good connection at first but when he starts to be spiteful and insensitive like this- disrespectfully telling you to grow up and then not showing care to you as a client and rudely shunning you for being early as well as leaving to answers calls midway in A PAID SESSION. It seems he does not like you for some reason; enough to be completely unhelpful and not professional. I would have left this fellow long ago after seeing an intentional and malicious misstep by him.

Moreover, I am shocked this person gets paid at all. How is this a paid service?

For support; you could consider making a reddit account, search many support/free chat or counselling sites online or posting on this forum or another; also there are free call/chat lines for mental health and they would be glad to take your call for a chat if you need be or something is important to you.

If you like text or internet help or if you prefer face to face you could find someone to talk to, connect with extended family, old friends, talk to people in a club or shared interest you do, make tea with your neighbour, talk to your doctor, a friendly policeman, join a health club or organisation or focus on yourself and self-learn and get to skills to identify, analyse and problem solve yourself. The options are limitless if you explore for yourself, limited only by not taking action and your own choice.
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