Hi Elka,

I’ve done a few 30-day Bikram yoga challenges over the years and I have the say the hardest one was definitely the first. Even though at the time, I had a lot more free time and I didn’t have to rush off to make it to class, I would sometimes find myself wanting, but somehow not wanting to go to class. Here are a few tricks I learned along the way so that fitness challenges are a lot easier now.

1. Don’t make it an option. It’s like waking up and brushing your teeth. Just like you don’t decide every morning if you’re going to brush your teeth or not, don’t decide if you’re going to yoga or not, just assume it’s part of your routine

2. Do your workout in the morning. I noticed that whenever I started the day by doing yoga, I would be more diligent about the. As the day advanced I would get tired and working out after work would always be a pain.

3. Remind yourself of why you started to begin with. You wanted to overcome a plateau. Remind yourself every day.

4. Enroll some friends to keep you motivated on those days when you just don’t feel like doing it. It’s always easier with friends.

5. Set up a reward. Apart from the joy of actually accomplishing the challenge, what little nice thing will you do for yourself at the end of the 30 days.

I hope this helps

Lavinia

Debs, my heart goes out to you for what you are going through. It’s clear that you and your boyfriend have a great connection underneath all the depression he’s going through. I think it’s very hard to make a clear cut decision in this situation. If he was physically ill, you wouldn’t walk away, you’d care for him until he got better. But because his “illness” is at a psychological level, sometimes we’re left not really knowing what to do and how to deal with this. The way I see it, you have two options:

1. Decide that this is not for you anymore, walk away, eventually find someone else to be happy with. – Somehow I don’t think this is what you’re leading towards as you clearly love him, you want him to be better, and you want a happy, healthy relationship with him.

2. Help him “see the light.” When someone is depressed, it’s not that they’re unhappy, it’s more that they’re “nothing”. They lack the desire to do anything, they have no energy, no joy. Andrew Solomon says that “the opposite of depression is not happiness, it’s vitality.” Something is happening inside him that has made him lose that vitality and he needs support, even if he can’t see that now. I think what is important to remember when you go on this path of supporting him and being by his side is not to lose yourself. You’re not his caretaker, you’re not a therapist, you are his partner. All he needs from you, that is actually productive for him, is love. Recovery is for people who want it, not for people who need it. Talk to him, try to find ways to convince him to get help, to take the medication (if he needs that), but always remember what your role is. The last thing you want to do is give up your life to care for him and end up joining him in that depression. Get the advice of a professional. If it’s beneficial to go to therapy with him, then consider doing that.

I hope this helps in some type of way. I have to say I’ve met depressed people, I’ve worked with them, and their needs, what gets them on the other side is different for each of them. It’s hard to say what will work for your boyfriend, but you have to decide which side you’re on and most importantly what is your breaking point, how long are you willing to go down this road with him? What would you want him to do if the situation was reversed? If you ever need to talk to an impartial person, I’m happy to listen. Shoot me an email http://www.justlav.com.

Dear Tracey,

I think we’ve all felt some part of what you are feeling right now at one point or another. It’s very easy to give advice and say just think positive thoughts, but many times we don’t realize that those positive thoughts are not available to people who are used to seeing the glass-half empty – and after an experience live you’ve had how could you not see the glass half empty. In my experience working with various people on their life goals, their attitude, and how to build a better happier self, there are a few tricks that work even for that “sky is always grey” kind of person,

1. Start small. Taking the leap from being a negative person is not an easy task. Even if you succeed for a few things, you will always revert back to what you know best. So start small. Instead of jumping to being positive, start with just being less negative. Work that step by step into your life until it becomes natural.

2. Understand that it’s a process and catch yourself when you’re about to go to that dark place. Sometimes, if you can catch yourself before you get full on dark side, it’s easier to come back from it.

3. Set reasonable goals. A lot of people who see the dark side also tend to put themselves down because they set goals that are completely out of their reach and have a hard time achieving them. With that in mind, take it step by step.

4. Find reasons to celebrate. This one is a pretty straightforward one. No matter where you are in your life, there’s always something nice and positive in it. It may be shadowed by the negativity, but it’s still there. Try to find it.

5. Hang out with positive, trusting people. They will drive you crazy in the beginning, you will roll your eyes at every word they say, but it rubs off. We are in a way a product of our environment and everything around us shapes who we are.

I don’t know if the person you are dating right now is the one for you. You don’t know either, but if you never give him a chance and you continue to sabotage the relationship, you will never know. You’ve already been through a terrible thing and you’ve made it on the other side so you know exactly how strong you are and what you have overcome. What you don’t know is how strong your ability to love is after you have been hurt. Remember, this person is not your ex, don’t punish him for the things your ex did.