Hi Anita,

Thank you for responding. I hear what you are saying. I do think that some of the choices I may have made did not help my situation.  For instance I this other girl at work started at one point to be a bit nicer towards me. Feeling so pushed out I chose to trust her on this and accepted her ‘kindness’ only for her to use it against me again. I then lashed out at her, she then ran back to the team with this saying I was treating her unfairly. I can see I shouldn’t have A) been gullible enough to trust her nice behaviour and B) to lash out as it only ended up hurting me and pushing me out even more.

With boy 1 I actually caught him with this other girl. He told me she was a family friend he had to look after and couldn’t speak english (he is actually Cypriot as is the girl) he told me I was psycho for suspecting and used his uncles illness to get out of the situation and to make me feel bad. After this I should have called it quits but I believed what he said (all untrue) and I was the one who ended up apologising.

The most recent boy I kept my guard up with him after my previous experience. Eventually over the two months based on his behaviour towards me I let my guard down. When we last saw each other it felt close and I felt good about it.  But then all of a sudden I didn’t hear from him for a week. I txt him and got a dismissive reply. I then replied to him ending it because I didn’t know where I stood. He then replied a patronising message saying he didn’t want anything with me and that he was reading that I did..

I know that I am good at my job and very hard working. I also know that I am kind and good to boys that I am with.

But after this I guess I am feeling in all three situations I have not been good enough.. I am in the phase of self doubt and unwilling to open up to anyone else. These aren’t the first 2 boys who have treated me like this. Perhaps I am indulging too much but even writing it here helps.