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Rhiannon

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  • in reply to: Bruises of the heart #189903
    Rhiannon
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    What I meant by being too indulgent is spending too much energy and time on this when I should look forward. And I do, but when I am knocked down again these thoughts resurface.

    I lashed out by shouting at this person and calling her a liar. My anxiety was through the roof at this point and I felt as though I may break down, I couldn’t talk to anyone on my team about it because they were all against me. I tired suppressing my feelings because I knew that snapping is what she/they wanted but she pushed me too far with something shady she had done, which is why I snapped

    in reply to: Bruises of the heart #189879
    Rhiannon
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for responding. I hear what you are saying. I do think that some of the choices I may have made did not help my situation.  For instance I this other girl at work started at one point to be a bit nicer towards me. Feeling so pushed out I chose to trust her on this and accepted her ‘kindness’ only for her to use it against me again. I then lashed out at her, she then ran back to the team with this saying I was treating her unfairly. I can see I shouldn’t have A) been gullible enough to trust her nice behaviour and B) to lash out as it only ended up hurting me and pushing me out even more.

    With boy 1 I actually caught him with this other girl. He told me she was a family friend he had to look after and couldn’t speak english (he is actually Cypriot as is the girl) he told me I was psycho for suspecting and used his uncles illness to get out of the situation and to make me feel bad. After this I should have called it quits but I believed what he said (all untrue) and I was the one who ended up apologising.

    The most recent boy I kept my guard up with him after my previous experience. Eventually over the two months based on his behaviour towards me I let my guard down. When we last saw each other it felt close and I felt good about it.  But then all of a sudden I didn’t hear from him for a week. I txt him and got a dismissive reply. I then replied to him ending it because I didn’t know where I stood. He then replied a patronising message saying he didn’t want anything with me and that he was reading that I did..

    I know that I am good at my job and very hard working. I also know that I am kind and good to boys that I am with.

    But after this I guess I am feeling in all three situations I have not been good enough.. I am in the phase of self doubt and unwilling to open up to anyone else. These aren’t the first 2 boys who have treated me like this. Perhaps I am indulging too much but even writing it here helps.

     

    in reply to: I never feel that I am good enough. #189773
    Rhiannon
    Participant

    Dear Hannah

    I found myself reading about your story after I visited this website in search of a little help myself.

    The only words of comfort I could offer regarding your parents are that your mothers last words are not a reflection on her love for you. If she was your support system your entire life then that is testament to her devotion to you.

    Your father will come to regret the choice he has made. It will be up to you if you chose to forgive him or not.

    The guy you were seeing sounds very similar to the type of boy I somehow always end up with. The fact is that you confronted him about his indiscretion. You held up a mirror and he didn’t like what he saw. It was easier for him to drop you than be responsible and have to deal with the fact he was wrong, selfish and unfair. Had you not mentioned it it is likely you would still be caught in this suffocating triangle, unhappy and knowing that he is disrespecting you.

    The other girl probably has no idea you exist which is why he has run into her arms, she is the easier option and i guarantee he will be treating her with the same disrespect he has shown you. You should feel sad for them both. It says nothing about you but reflects only the type of person he is, deeply insecure. If I were you I would suspend your social media accounts for a short while, even if it is only a month. By making this decision you will feel free from your habitual and harmful obsession over checking their accounts and it will be the first major step in your path to putting him behind you.

    The fact you were promoted show how others value you. Everyone on this forum has commented on how brave you are for reaching out.

    Do things that make you happy, cut the junk food and spend a little time each day on yourself. In time it is amazing the positive affect this will have on you.

    Nina

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