Forum Replies Created
April 2, 2015 at 10:20 pm #74844
Thanks for your responses, everyone. It’s helpful and comforting to hear of similar situations… especially because a lot of my friends and family at this point have pushed that it’s time for me to move on, I think they’re frustrated with how I’m still struggling. They don’t understand how deep the hurt is, though, and how lasting the effects are. Everyone keeps saying time will heal me the best, but what do I do in the meantime? Surrounding myself with supportive and awesome people is nice and distracting, but sometimes I still get caught up in my own head when I’m alone, especially at work.
Basically, what happened is that I entered a relationship with someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with (as everyone’s story goes, eh?). He moved across the country to be with me. We were in love. Within just a few months of moving to be with me, he started using and abusing hard drugs and hiding it all from me. In the process of all of this, it greatly deteriorated our relationship. He was narcissistic, a gas-lighter, abusive, a manipulator, created fantastic lies, he cheated on me, literally everything you can think of that could destroy a relationship happened. Throughout our relationship, he abandoned and discarded me emotionally. He put me through months of hell… constant emotional abuse, taking blows to my self-esteem, I experienced terrible self-doubt, worthlessness, and confusion. When I realized the truth and everything that was happening, I got out! What a relief! But all the horrible things he did are still running through my head, I’m still asking ‘why?’ I’m frustrated that he thinks it was all just a phase. That he thinks he’s in control. That he’s not an addict. I’m incredibly upset that he already has a new girlfriend. In fact, she’s someone who happens to work in my building. What are the chances!!! I’m incredibly hurt because I sacrificed so much for this person who supposedly loved me equally back… but his actions so clearly demonstrated otherwise. I was taken advantage of. He doesn’t give a shit, it seems. That’s what hurts, and while I’m aware of everything I haven’t yet come to terms with it. I don’t have any peace. I’m frustrated that I’m going to counseling and he seems perfectly OK. That I go to support groups for friends and family of addicts, and he doesn’t bother to give me the time of day. He grieved for about a week, said all the things I wanted to hear at the time, and then just moved on. How? How can someone be so cruel? I feel so perfectly trampled on, what a blow to my self-esteem. I’m glad he’s out of my life, but part of me is still SO angry at him. I’m searching so hard for SOMETHING, but I know nothing’s coming. Nothing will take it away. Only in hindsight will I look back and see what all of this was for, why I had to go through it. Everyone says that I came out on top, that I’ve learned from it, that I’ll grow, that people like him won’t get far, that he’ll just continue this vicious lifestyle with someone else, that I’ll find someone amazing, etc. But it doesn’t take away how painful the experience was. It just stinks, and I feel incredibly at a loss for what to do next to pick myself back up.January 23, 2015 at 1:15 pm #71834
Thank you, everyone. I really appreciate your responses and suggestions 🙂 I’m going to take a look at some of the book suggestions, especially.November 5, 2014 at 11:00 am #67370
I had nearly the exact thing happen to me with my first ‘love.’ Literally, the second we broke up he was dating this girl I had weird vibes from… I was so heartbroken. I kept asking, “How can you just throw away 2 years like it means nothing to you?” I was being a huge social media creep and couldn’t stop looking and comparing. Your situation totally resonates with me.
But I have good news – those feelings will go away with time and you will realize that you are SO happy you aren’t with him anymore. You will also realize that your relationship with him has helped you learn about yourself and also what you DO want out of a relationship. So when Mr. Right comes along, you may realize, “Wow, I’m glad I’m not with So-and-so and I’m glad I learned something from that experience.” That’s one way I looked at the positive, and it really helped 🙂 Something I also did that really helped and felt good was write a letter to my ex. I didn’t give it to him or anything, I just wrote all the things I wish I could say with no filter. It felt great to get the anger, resentment, sadness on paper in front of me. Maybe try that! Or take up a hobby to release some steam. It’s good that you cut off contact for 2 months, and it’s unfortunate you came across a photo. Just remember: don’t compare your behind the curtains with somebody’s highlight reel! You got this 🙂