Hello!

I am going through something similar. A few years ago when I was younger I had questioned it before. After a few months – half a year I was doing better and came to the conclusion that. I am straight even though I occasionally had a crush on a girl… But it was never like I could imagine a relationship or something.. it wasn’t romantic or sexual it was more like I though they were really pretty and cool. However after I had this “phase” I had several crushes on boys that lasted a lot longer and were more intense.. these crushes definitely made me happier … cause back when i was questioning my sexuality I would just like you get stressed and anxious cause it wasn’t something I wanted and I knew it wasn’t me. Now 4 years later a week ago I started having these thought again.. I had a panic , anxiety and a lot of sadness and I still do and this Forum kinda helped me.. I definitely don’t like the idea of dating a girl or any intimate relationship which means I am straight but yet the thought and “fear” comes up all the time. It hess. come to the point where wherever I think I’ll get a crush on girls when it’s just all in my head. Deep down I know that I am not attracted to them in this way but it’s a constant fight between what I know and what my mind is saying because those thoughts cause a lot of stress and discomfort in me in oppose to the thoughts of boys that I like.. I know I should just stop thinking but I can’t help it. I don’t know what to do about it or what it is from and it’s not like I would have a problem if I was bi or something I already talked to several ppl about it and it have very understanding and supportive people around me but It’s not that. It’s not that. I am afraid of what society would say or something not at all… it’s all about me. It’s about me not liking this feelings of uncertainty and of constant overthinking. I know that the idea Doesn’t flatter me and I liked / like being guy crazy but yet it still comes up and causes a massive amount of unhappiness and It’s also the first time I have heard of OCD but eventually it is what I have because I noticed that ever since I Ma young I always overthink something .. there’s always something that my mind chooses to stress over and as much as I don’t want to it continues to think about it and worry about it until I get so upset that I go to therapy or something… I have also started it overthink all past experiences and to see if there were and sights maybe and I know that ever since elementary school I had crushes on boys but I also liked girls but never in that way , does that make sense? I liked them and tried rlly hard to be friends with some but I never imagined anything sexual or something and the idea does not flatter me at all…